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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

218 replies

letsi · 25/01/2025 11:23

my 12 year old wants to see her friend who lives half an hour away. (friend moved house)
She wants to stay for the day and me to pick her up late evening. Her friends parents don't drive. This would mean doing two 60 minute round trips. I've asked her to see if she can hang out with a local friend this weekend. Am I being mean? I wouldn't mind so much if she'd do a sleepover so I didn't have to do two trips but friend can't do a sleepover and dd hates them.
Would you do this driving?
End of month and can't afford the diesel either!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 25/01/2025 11:24

I would take her but the cost of diesel wouldn’t be an issue for us.

Hotpinkangel19 · 25/01/2025 11:25

Yes i would.

KTheGrey · 25/01/2025 11:25

Only if she can get bus one way.

stonefall101 · 25/01/2025 11:25

Could the mum meet you half way, thus making it a 30mins round trip for both of you?

Hotpinkangel19 · 25/01/2025 11:25

Just saw about the cost being an issue - no, it could be rearranged.

Billydavey · 25/01/2025 11:25

I would and do do this regularly for my kids. I get it it the cost is the issue but if it’s just too much effort that is a bit mean I think yes

Hadalifeonce · 25/01/2025 11:25

I would do this, but not as a regular thing. But, if you can't afford it, surely the question isn't relevant?

TianasBayou · 25/01/2025 11:26

If she slept over you would still have to make two trips. Confused

Anything enroute you could combine the trip with?

Butchyrestingface · 25/01/2025 11:26

Well, if you can't afford the diesel, that settles it, surely? Just explain that to your daughter.

Beamur · 25/01/2025 11:26

2 hours driving and you're short of money.
I'd say not this time.
They can either meet halfway or do it another weekend.

nellythe · 25/01/2025 11:28

If I was you I’d say no but purely because of the diesel cost. Otherwise, I’d be happy to.

biscuitsandbooks · 25/01/2025 11:28

My parents regularly did journeys like that for me.

But if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Could you drive there and do something at friends' location for the day?

Original poster
letsi · 25/01/2025 11:29

TianasBayou · 25/01/2025 11:26

If she slept over you would still have to make two trips. Confused

Anything enroute you could combine the trip with?

yep, that wouldn't work either, guess I'm thinking ahead to the future if she sees her friend again. I can't afford the diesel. This has been the longest January ever! When they're older they can meet on the train halfway, but she's too young for that.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 25/01/2025 11:31

Yes I would. Half an hour isn't that far. Takes that to get from one side of town to the other

mashingwachine · 25/01/2025 11:33

I did this all the time for mine

mashingwachine · 25/01/2025 11:34

Sorry I didn't see the issue with fuel. If you can't afford it there isn't much you can do other than say no.

MxFlibble · 25/01/2025 11:37

TBH I wouldn't think twice as we live rurally, so it's a 30 minute drive just to get to school. but if you can't afford the fuel, you can't afford the fuel.

HPandthelastwish · 25/01/2025 11:37

Not affording the fuel would seal it.

But otherwise, yes I would take her. I'd find somewhere local to go maybe a nature walk, maybe a cinema to kill some time, enjoy lunch out with a book either eating at a pub or similar or picnic / take soup in a flask or in the car. I'm always waiting around for DD at various things so generally have stuff downloaded on my iPad and a book with me. I quite enjoy the trapped time where other things can't get in the way.

What I wouldn't do is trek home and back.

CherryMarigold · 25/01/2025 11:37

I wouldn't have a problem with the timing. It's just the kind of annoying thing you do for Children I have previously done an 8 hour round trip for DS to take part in a race that lasted less than a minute and a 4 hour round trip then sat in a car park for about 6 hours waiting for DD and her mates to watch a concert.

However if you can't afford the fuel then that settles it really.

Loloj · 25/01/2025 11:39

Yes I would do it. We moved an hour away and I occasionally do a 2 hour round trip for my son to see his old friend from school - usually I just take him and his friend out locally or stick around for a few hours and do something myself to save doing the journey twice.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/01/2025 11:40

In general I would absolutely do it, but if I couldn't afford the petrol then of course it would be a no, and I would expect a 12 year old to understand that.

biscuitsandbooks · 25/01/2025 11:41

I mean, the fuel is one thing and if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

But half an hour is hardly a long journey. We drive further than that just to go to the cinema, lol.

VonHally · 25/01/2025 11:41

I think I'd do it but I'd shorten the time so you could wait around somewhere if that would help cost of fuel for you.

Will friend be able to meet up in your area on an equal basis ever? That aspect might need tweaking for future meet ups. What exactly is the problem with a sleepover anyway? I thought pre teens loved them.

Will they be going to the same school, and secondary school? If not, I think the friendship might die out eventually. But if they are at the same school, maybe not.

Moresettingsplease · 25/01/2025 11:42

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Leave it to another time. At twelve she should understand this.

Pumpkinpie1 · 25/01/2025 11:42

I would compromise and arrange a meet up in Feb half term. I’d explain it’s too short notice and too expensive this month.
Let them FaceTime instead x