to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

[letsi]

my 12 year old wants to see her friend who lives half an hour away. (friend moved house)
She wants to stay for the day and me to pick her up late evening. Her friends parents don't drive. This would mean doing two 60 minute round trips. I've asked her to see if she can hang out with a local friend this weekend. Am I being mean? I wouldn't mind so much if she'd do a sleepover so I didn't have to do two trips but friend can't do a sleepover and dd hates them.
Would you do this driving?
End of month and can't afford the diesel either!

Drooping off half an hour away is hardly the other side of the world. I would do it for mine and my parents always would have done it for us when we were kids.

I do this a number of times a week just to get my DC to their part time job as we live rurally. I don't consider that a long drive. However, if you can't afford it then you can't afford it.

Isn't this the ideal time to work on that then?

Maybe not today, but get her to catch the train alone and meet you somewhere perhaps, or she could get a train to meet a friend?

How do the girl's parents live somewhere that has no walking route to public transport if they don't drive? Is this perhaps just your version of walkable, because you can't imagine a 15 min walk?

I'd do it but could afford the fuel. I also quite like half an hour to myself in the car with a podcast.

I wouldn't drop all and do it now, but I'd definately say we could plan a trip. I guess it depends what you do though? I mean to me it would be daughter's choice of a day out. Like do you ever take her to do anything by car? I mean if at the moment work and school are the only things you drive to, fair enough, but if you'd spend money on petrol to go to another family activity, then you could do this. Would meeting somewhere that friend and mum would be able to get to on the bus be possible?

We live in the middle of nowhere and so did all of the dc's friends when they were young so it's part of the routine in the countryside. If it's the cost, then nothing you can do about it unfortunately.

the walk from station to their house takes an hour and fifteen minutes. I don't know about buses from their house to the station

You've majored on the time issue and then thrown in the cost issue at the end. The time issue you are being unreasonable and mean about. The cost issue, which I'm not sure is the actual reason, is fine if it's true. If the bus or train are more affordable I'd take her on them.

i know that cos I put her postcode into google
maps
and checked!

OP's earlier post says that the girls could meet half way on the train when they are older, so I'm not sure how OP thinks that would be possible if friend's house is not walkable to the train station.

Although later post suggests that it's not distance that's the factor, but OP's perception of what she's happy for her daughter to do.

You said when she's older she can get the train so it must be possible?!

I think 30 mins each way is fine but obviously if you can’t afford it then that’s that really. Glad to see it’s resolved anyway.

I get why you nights not use public transport for this for a 12 year old. As a bus user(I don’t drive), a bus journey can take 2 or 3 times longer than a drive door to door plus possibly having to change bus if no direct route and relying on the bus actually turning up. It’s very different for a 12 year old to do that alone on an unfamiliar route compared to getting a bus home from school along with others or getting into a familiar town with friends.

I'm glad you've made this work. If you are reluctant to drive though, I do think you need to think about DD using public transport more. I know kids who take the train to school from just turned 11.

Ha! You caught me! Admittedly it's a bit mean but I'm absolutely conscious of there being too much month left at the end of the money too! 🤣

If it is just the drive and she isnt asking every week then yabu. She is 12. It's her friend, don't be so mean.

If it is genuinely the cost then that's a different issue and you would not be unreasonable to explain that there isn't money for fuel until after payday and honor to do the run another weekend and budget for it.

Jesus. Never in a million years would my mum have faffed about on my behalf like this. If I wanted to see my friends, I had to make the plan and work out my transport options. A lift to the bus stop or train station was as far as my mum was involved.

Is the cost actually the issue? Most of your post is about that time rather than the cost. If you genuinely can't afford it then YANBU but if you just can't be bothered, I'd say pretty unreasonable. Friendships are important

If I couldn't afford the fuel then the answer would have to be no, whether I would have been willing to do it or not.
You can't spend what you don't have.

Well if they dont drive how does their children get around, how do they go shopping etc?

There must be buses

You're really hampering your daughters ability to be independent and make and maintain relationships here, you could be googling that right now to determine the route she'll need to take.

It takes 1/2 hour to cross town here and the buses are awful so I don't have an option to avoid this sort of ferrying, as annoying as it is

Are they in an area where they can use those rentable bikes? That sounds like a cyclable distance. Although if DD is that keen to see her friend, perhaps they can just hang out near the station or walk home together (when they won't care about the distance), and you can pick her up later (i.e. only one journey for you to do)?
There must be some public transport within reach of the friend's house. How else do the family get anywhere if the parents don't drive?

That simply isn't true, googlemaps would give you bus options. Why don't you try out now though, it might give you options for next time?

I'd be thinking about a chat with your DD, at 12 she shouldn't be crying at being told no, she sold
enough to know about cost and what you can afford.

Did you read the post ?