to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

[letsi]

my 12 year old wants to see her friend who lives half an hour away. (friend moved house)
She wants to stay for the day and me to pick her up late evening. Her friends parents don't drive. This would mean doing two 60 minute round trips. I've asked her to see if she can hang out with a local friend this weekend. Am I being mean? I wouldn't mind so much if she'd do a sleepover so I didn't have to do two trips but friend can't do a sleepover and dd hates them.
Would you do this driving?
End of month and can't afford the diesel either!

Could you take her for a few hours, amuse yourself for this time, then bring her home? Then you’d only have to do one trip. It’s a chance for you to see a new place, have a walk, etc

Why is this even a question when you can’t afford it?

Its a long time since diesel was £1.50 a gallon!
That's the problem with our half arsed conversion to metric in the UK, buy it in litres and then quote consumption in gallons.
Average price of diesel in the UK at the moment is £1.44 a litre so around £6.55 a gallon.

I’d do it ! She is missing her friend. Kids have no control over their situations. You do and can he keep her .

Of you can’t afford the diesel then you have to ask to arrange for a different weekend. .
Id do the drive for my child though and her happiness .
Put the music on and enjoy the peace on the journeys alone. .

@Pomsy

I kind of get what @Bogginsthe3rd is saying. Kids need to build independence. They can’t do this if they are Constantly being ferried around.

They definitely can. I 'ferried' mine around for years until one learned to drive and the other moved out. Both independent fully functioning adults who manage to get themselves across the world without me.

And now think just think how much more they could have flourished with more independence in earlier years ! You will never know!

If the alternative was her not seeing her friend and feeling sad about it then I would take her. But obviously it couldn't be a very frequent thing.

Presumably the other family have to get their kid to your house for play dates? What do they do? I'd hope there might be public transport. Or I guess you could see if her parents want to go halves on using taxis occasionally? Though I don't know if that's any better
At least you wouldn't have to spend the time driving.

The issue is that OP can’t afford the fuel for the journey.

It's a pain in the hoop, but I'd still do it for my child. She's probably missing her friend.

We also live rural as others have said school more than an hour round trip. I drove 10 mins to nearest bus link and then they got bus 30 mins to the town. Not a school bus. If they wanted to meet friends at weekend we did the same, friends are so important throughout teens. Ours was always open house anyone could come over and stay too, even a few at a time, but mostly it was the other way round as little to do here.

Compromise it’s nearly half-term get the friend to come to you if her parents bring on train then say you will drive her back next day.

@Bogginsthe3rd

And now think just think how much more they could have flourished with more independence in earlier years ! You will never know!

I'm not sure what you mean. They had lots of independence in their earlier years, they also got lifts regularly. Giving a child a lift doesn't mean they can't also go out independently. I don't know why you would draw that conclusion.

its not mean - if you can't afford it you can't.

Tell her than you just can't afford it this month but lets plan for another time and see if you and the friend's parents can both share the travel/costs. If the friend's parents are more flush perhaps invite the friend for a sleepover.

@Rosscameasdoody that isn't the issue. The OP threw that in at the end, and when I suggested it wasn't the real issue she said "Ha you caught me".

If you genuinely can't afford the fuel, then obviously you can't do it.

Apart from that, I think that driving children around is just part of parenting, and I'd happily do it and wouldn't begrudge it.

Have you time slipped back a few decades ? Diesel is not £1.50 a gallon, it’s around £6 per gallon if you convert the average price per litre. So, calculated this way, OP’s journey would actually cost around £12.

My elderly diesel SUV costs 20p a mile so you are looking at less than £20 and honestly half an hour each way is not that far! Most of my kids' friends are 20 minutes away.

The poor girl just wants to see her friend and she's reliant on you.

Well, what I took from the original post was that she wasn’t keen on doing two one hour round trips and coudn’t afford the fuel, so 🤷‍♀️.

She's 12, are you sure she can't get the train? It's the logical solution and unless she's got special needs she's old enough.

I would definitely make this trip. Friendships are important.
But, if you can't afford the fuel this week, then explain that and rearrange.

If you really can't afford it then you can't afford it, but I'd probably try.

I would definitely do this, half an hour is not a large distance?

But if you literally can't afford to buy the diesel for the trip then it's a non-starter anyway and that's your answer.

Yes I would. But I could afford the diesel.

Is your daughter very close to the friend? Did you know the mum well?

If yes to the above, is there anyway you can speak to mum and say you are happy for your daughter to visit in the future, but until you get paid this month it's not feasible as you can't afford the diesel. She might offer a contribution. I have done similar in the past when DS was frequently picked up by another parent. But I offered, they didn't ask.

I would do it if I could afford it, kids cant cover these costs and they have no control over the distance they live from their friends.

But if you cant afford it, you cant afford it. Maybe say you'll take them to do something next weekend after payday.

I would do on occasion yes if I didn’t have plans

but not if I couldn’t afford it

It’s a while day, that’s a lot of hanging about. I did many many such trips , and longer, as we live semi rurally with a practically non existent bus service. However, if the OP can’t afford it then it will have to be another time.