to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

[letsi]

my 12 year old wants to see her friend who lives half an hour away. (friend moved house)
She wants to stay for the day and me to pick her up late evening. Her friends parents don't drive. This would mean doing two 60 minute round trips. I've asked her to see if she can hang out with a local friend this weekend. Am I being mean? I wouldn't mind so much if she'd do a sleepover so I didn't have to do two trips but friend can't do a sleepover and dd hates them.
Would you do this driving?
End of month and can't afford the diesel either!

*she is old enough

To be fair, I'd expect a 12 year old to also be googling (and consulting with friend for local knowledge) in terms of working out a possible way for them to meet.
And, if she doesn't know how to do this, a good opportunity to learn a life skill.

I would and I do for my child when she wants to visit friends but in your case if you can’t afford the fuel then just say you can’t afford the fuel and you can arrange something when you’ve been paid

There is obviously a train option as OP says that when she is older she can get the train but thinks she's too young now.

If you can't afford it then no. However it's not too far away so I would have thought some 12 year olds would manage the journey independently by train. Can you not put her on one end and her friend meet her the other end of it's a direct daytime trip? I guess it depends on the area

I wouldnt even notice doing these trips!
If the fuel costs are an issue then of course it's a no, however.

Well I thought I didnt need to spell it out that it involves both of them!

Not walkable in what way? If distance then can she not get the bus from the station to her friends area.

Why don't you just stay over there and make a day of it yourself instead of coming back to go back?

Just possibly the OP has other things to do today? Other children to consider?

I wouldn’t mind doing the journey. I feel I’m practically my kids personal taxi service as it is lol
But if I’m short of cash, it would have to be a no.

Ditto

To me that seems no distance at all, that was practically next door to me growing up rurally, but that’s only if fuel wasn’t a problem. If the issue is cost then you have to do what you have to do, fuel is so expensive now.

1 hr and 15 mins is hardly unachievable for a 12 year old. We live a 50 minute walk from our high school and my kids walked to and from regularly. It is a further 20 minute walk to the high street from there.
If there's a train station there will be buses. You will be able to find timetables online for the bus.

Not having two whole hours in a day on the weekend to drive your child around for a social event is perfectly reasonable.

I would do it yes. If the diesels cost is the main issue could they arrange it for another weekend so you have a chance to budget for it?
Or is there a bus/train she could get there so you just need to pick her up later?
Or you could compromise and say she can stay for a few hours rather than all day so you could wait near the friends house, you could do your supermarket shop and have a coffee or mooch around the shops while you wait, depending where the friend lives obvs.

Seems mean just to say no full stop.

Doesn't mean that she can't be upset and cry though does it? It was important to her. Would you like someone to dictate what you were allowed to be upset amd cry about?

I was about to say YABU but if you can't afford the diesel then she can't go. End of discussion.

Some of the replies on here 😳

I will go back to our own example regarding 'walkable to the train station' - DC had a friend who lived in a small rural place with a train station basically adjacent to nearby field. Our own train station has an underpass one route to get across a main road. Not every bus or train station is in the nicest or simplest location.

yep. I'm deliberately ignoring the snarky replies cos I know how it goes 🤣🤣

Well, surely rather than just saying no and ending the discussion you have a conversation and explain the reasons.

Presumably you drive though?

OP says the girls parents dont drive. So are they 24/7 in their house? No shopping, no school, no leisure trips? How do they get to the doctors and dentist?

So ergo there must be a way of moving around, either by walking or by bus.

Stopping our children from showing disappointment and upset isn't healthy. It's fine for her to be sad about it. She isn't a toddler crying to get what she wants, she probably does understand, but equally that's doesn't eliminate disappointment. These are totally normal emotions.

Is there a bus or train, at 12 I had no issues with my kids using public transport, they even went 4 hours to their grandparents by train

Presumably they also cost money.

Ask your daughter to contribute towards the diesel. Presumably it's only a fiver or so