to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

[letsi]

my 12 year old wants to see her friend who lives half an hour away. (friend moved house)
She wants to stay for the day and me to pick her up late evening. Her friends parents don't drive. This would mean doing two 60 minute round trips. I've asked her to see if she can hang out with a local friend this weekend. Am I being mean? I wouldn't mind so much if she'd do a sleepover so I didn't have to do two trips but friend can't do a sleepover and dd hates them.
Would you do this driving?
End of month and can't afford the diesel either!

It is something I do frequently for my DC. I enjoy car journeys with them. It's a time when they open up about what's going on in their lives. We live in the countryside and transport links are not always great, so I expect to have to drive places in general.

Dont be bullied on here about the train! Some posters must live in areas with excellent transport links, the nearest train station to us is a 30 minute drive (45 mins on the not so regular bus!) so wouldn't have been an option for my kids at 12 either.
Now they are older they confidently get around on our local buses and regularly go into bigger towns etc. At 12 I couldn't trust them not to miss the last bus so I would rather drive them that get a panicked phonecall saying they were stuck!

No. You’re ignoring the posts that you have no logical answer to.

You posted on AIBU. Surely By doing that you have to accept that you may well be told you are in fact being unreasonable. Or were you just looking for validation?

Gosh, that’s normal here. Rural Scotland. My son’s girlfriend lives half an hour away, they both go to same school, which is twenty mins away. Just a normal Saturday taking him there and back later. Though to be fair we normally share it out with the parents.

I would, but we live rurally and it is at least an hour round trip to get anywhere. DS's school covers a huge rural area so we do a lot of driving and a lot of sleepovers.

Can she go by public transport at least one way, you dropping her off and her friend meeting her at the other end?

If you cannot afford the diesel, what can you do.

Plan it for a weekend when you have the money.

I'd hang around the area for a couple of hours, bring a good book, a sandwich and a flask of tea.

@rainbowunicorn
It's not dictating, it's about being reasonable, do we go
through life crying at very disappointment?
Her mum can't afford it, she's not said no just for the sake of it.

@Codlingmoths everyone I know with kids this age, including me, spend weekends ferrying them around clubs, matched, competitions, parties, shows, friends etc etc

If the friend's parents don't drive they must get buses, maybe for next time they could get their DD on a train to you and you could pick her up the other end?
If they agreed on a meet up once a month and the friend travels to you sometimes then you're just driving your DD once every couple of months which I don't think is at all unreasonable.
You can plan stuff to do en route too so it doesn't feel like a pointless drive.

This. Plan for another weekend.

That's ridiculous, of course 12 year olds are allowed to show emotion when they're disappointed!

I don’t live in an area with excellent transport links.

Just as an example, my dd has a friend who move from the
northwest of England to north Wales. Dd regularly visits. I’m going to out myself now with locations. Dd had to get the bus from our village (which only comes twice a day) to Lancaster train station. She had to change at Preston, then again at Chester, arriving at her friends after a 3 hour journey.
She did the reverse journey home the next day.

We could easily afford the petrol as higher earners, but I think we would limit the number of trips, so that DD learns that she can't be ferried around endlessly.

I would and have done this (a lot!) the downside of country living! But if cost is an issue then rearrange for next month - she will come round if there is a plan.

With traffic, it was often an hour's round trip to take my children to school. And then another hour in the afternoon to collect them.

5 days per week.

The only thing I can think of for you is to arrange a shorter visit with her friend, and you stay in the area. Go to a cafe, see a movie. Then it's only one round trip

Of course I would do it. I would drive further than that to see my own friends so can't see a problem.

*I grew up rurally so going to a supermarket was over an hour's round trip and going to college was 3 hours on a bus each day.

Regularly happens for us. As it did when I was younger.

The only reason I wouldn’t is if fuel was indeed the problem.

What is the logic behind this?

I would do it.

I kind of get what @Bogginsthe3rd is saying. Kids need to build independence. They can’t do this if they are Constantly being ferried around.

Well obviously you'd explain that you can't afford the diesel but that's the end of it isn't it?

When we moved we did this a few times whilst he was settling in, helped with the transition I think, they soon make new friends and stop asking.

Although hands up, the other parents did one trip and we did the other. But if they couldn't we still would have done.

No, not if it causes financial strain. Otherwise yes. You could always get her friend to sleep at yoyr house

If you can’t afford it now then you can’t afford it. But work with her and her friend’s family to plan a date when you can take her.