to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

[letsi]

my 12 year old wants to see her friend who lives half an hour away. (friend moved house)
She wants to stay for the day and me to pick her up late evening. Her friends parents don't drive. This would mean doing two 60 minute round trips. I've asked her to see if she can hang out with a local friend this weekend. Am I being mean? I wouldn't mind so much if she'd do a sleepover so I didn't have to do two trips but friend can't do a sleepover and dd hates them.
Would you do this driving?
End of month and can't afford the diesel either!

No, if something upsets someone nobody has the right to say that they shouldn't be upset / cry. You are saying that she should be crying at being disappointed/ upset about not seeing her friend. She is perfect entitled to feel how she does. It doesn't matter what caused the upset or disappointment. Someone can be reasonable and still be upset.

Glad it's sorted now

If I couldn't afford diesel both ways twice though I would have stayed in the area and done something - window shopping, a walk, read a book or watched Netflix in the car

Just in case there's a next time ☺️

30 minutes is a normal journey to the nearest towns/cities around here, I always laugh when people think that's unreasonable.

You're the parent so what you say goes, she doesn't dictate your life.

You can't afford it/don't want to do it then just say no

She has to accept that she can't get everything she wants in life

I should add, that I completely understand the cost of the fuel, it's just I so often hear people comment on the length of the journeys rather than the cost

You need to explain the cost of things and say when you get paid and fill the car up you can take her.

Can they get the bus half way to see each other or facetime for now.

Surely if she's 12 she's old enough to go on a train? Loads do from starting secondary school

I would because it’s important for them to socialise, I done it this morning in fact. When money is an issue I ask them to rearrange and you wouldn’t be unreasonable to suggest that, January is a hard month for everyone.

If you can’t afford it then it is what it is but frankly seeing that amount of driving (ignoring the cost) as being such a big thing is a bit pathetic IMO.

Seems like you have come to a solution. The alternative had not that been found would have been to do this in two weeks time when it is February.

It is not a bad thing for any child to be aware of how finance can be tight at some times, for some it is all the time. Perhaps use it to look at modest Christmas celebrations in future.

No, I wouldn't do that if I couldn't afford it.

I would get it scheduled in for after payday though, so the girls have something to look forward to and you know it's in your budget. 12 years old is old enough to understand that money doesn't grow on trees and if it's out of the budget, it's out of the budget.

Independence and resilience I would have thought, I would have thought that were obvious

My mum didnt drive, I was adept at using bus routes and connections easily, getting on and off trains etc

@soupyspoon

Independence and resilience I would have thought, I would have thought that were obvious

Not at all obvious, or even true. It's entirely possible to teach kids these things and also give them lifts.

Yes it is, but its also a good thing for them not to need a lift unnecessarily either

@soupyspoon

Yes it is, but its also a good thing for them not to need a lift unnecessarily either

Like I asked the other poster, since you have jumped in, why?

It's a balance.
I've just got back from doing the grocery shopping and car wash etc.
We have a road diversion so a round trip to town is 1/2hr (twice the normal time). DS2 is in town. I've told him I need at least 2 hours at home before I collect him. If that doesn't suit him then he can walk (4 miles in the dark over the fields).

I think a lot of parents are able and willing to drive their kids about, but also aren't being mugs about it and being at their beck and call.

I often tell DS I'm happy to collect/drop him as long as he keeps me informed ie tell me when he's on the train back to town, or tell me the train they plan to catch, or they've missed the train, or heading off to a friend's house until after dinner. If he doesn't pay me that courtesy then he'll have to accept a wait or a walk.

We don't drive, we use public transport, taxis, bike, feet

👍🏼😀

I would do it without giving it a thought, half an hour away is nothing. Mum taxi is normal. But we are all different.

Then why is that relevant that your public transport is unpleasant to get to? You evidently manage

Apologies, I missed the point about not affording it. That is a good reason not to do it. The pretty short drive is not a good reason though.

Its been set out why, if you need to keep asking the same question I cant help much more!

So spelling it out. Previous posters had said vatt re ious things about public transport and my post responds to them. In particular it responds to those who seem to think train stations are usually bang in the middle of their destination/living place.

Im afraid your tone confirms there are some very combative people on here for no reason whatsoever

I would do this for a DC friendship, yes.

Could you spend the day somewhere nearer the child so you're not driving the journey four times?

@soupyspoon

It's been set out why, if you need to keep asking the same question I cant help much more!

I was only asking you because you felt the need to answer a question I asked a specific poster, I'm not asking for your help.