People making plans with my unborn child!

[NewMumsFirstRodeo]

FTM - 38 weeks pregnant - so ALOT of this may be down to pregnancy hormones!

First grandchild on both sides so of course everyone is very excited.

I live directly across from my parents in a small cul-de-sac, and they have purchased their own pram. I told them there was no need as we already have one however all I have heard is 'we want our own pram'. They didn't even ask for my input on the type of pram they bought, or if I was happy with their choice (FWIW I wasn't). Just they wanted a pram so went and spent £200 on one. I've also been told they plan to buy a 'running pram', both avid runners and plan to take the baby to local races etc.

MIL lives 2 hours away and has bought a bassinet and diaper bag etc 'for when the baby stays with me'.

I know everyone means well, and we will appreciate all the support that's given to us, but AIBU to want everyone to stop making plans with my baby who isn't even here yet?!

I just want to get my child here safely and spend some time with my husband adjusting to parenthood and then for us to decide who can do what with our child. I feel so overwhelmed with these assumptions that everyone will have access to my child to with how they please!

So you need to have words with your parents and DH needs to deal with his. Speak up clearly. Tell them very clearly - baby goes in prams that I’m happy with and baby will not go anywhere that I’m not happy about.
‘Your assumptions are upsetting me - I know you’re excited but you seem to have forgotten who the parents are.’

They didn't even ask for my input on the type of pram they bought, or if I was happy with their choice (FWIW I wasn't). what was wrong with it?

I'd let them know now you worn be wanting them to baby sit for at least 6 months so they don't get any crazy ideas.

This wouldn't bother me but my family already know that I'd be happy with all those things. Weird to do it before baby is born though. If you're not that close it's odd. I'm sure lots of people will have a different opinion though- family dynamics and all that!

Thank you for this - I do struggle with boundaries and am a typical people please - but this has tipped me over the edge!

It is nice they are so excited and at some point you will be grateful of their help. They are buying things to keep at their own houses so that's up to them.

Nothing necessarily wrong with it, just that it was more of a front facing stroller - both me and my husband wanted something that can be adjusted to rear facing so we can keep an eye on them/make sure they are ok - I know it's not a massive deal just personal preference!

It is and I know they mean well, and I also know that pregnancy hormones are playing a part in this

Yes have words. I'm sure the pram is fine but what if they buy their own car seat - much have more safety critical and needs to be something you are happy with.

I think you are being a bit PFB OP.

Why does it matter what pushchair they have as long as it’s safe and suitable? Running buggies have a minimum age on them so I wouldn’t worry about that yet either. My son loved his and I am sure your child will too.

MIL 2 hours away is a bit different I think so just set boundaries of baby won’t be staying away from me until I’ve weaned from breastfeeding for example.

That’s fine whilst tiny but babies love to look around too and take in their environment

I think you are massively over reacting here.

After there likely to be any more grandchildren in the family? You could try to view it as them equipping their own house for this next stage of life. If the relationships are generally fine, i'd leave them to it, but not commit to anything at this point.

I get you want the pram to parent-face but occasional forward facing and a proper lie-flat seat will be fine for some trips. Make sure they keep it totally flat till 6 months and don't use it for unsupervised naps (if you will leave the baby with them which is totally up to you not them!).

I felt like this with my first child during my pregnancy...once my lil one was 2 months old I was pretty much desperate for a grandparent to take over for a couple of hours so I could sleep...at that point they could've gone sky diving and as long as I could sleep I wouldn't of cared haha

They don’t mean well. Please take your blindfold off. The are overstepping, selfish and entitled. You need this stopping before the baby is here. How dare they make your last weeks of your pregnancy so full of anxious for you.

Emigrate and change your identity?

Seriously you need to nip this shit in the bud before the baby comes. You're going to be tired and stressed with a newborn, you can't have the whole family labouring under the misapprehension that your child is public property. Talk to them about expectations and don't mince your words - and your DH needs to back you up and talk to his parents.

I would be buying my own pram for a grandchild too. I can only use certain kinds. Others hurt my back too much. I wouldn’t expect the actual parents to use my pram. It would literally be for me when I’m babysitting. It also doesn’t hurt to have an extra Moses basket and other bits and bobs at relatives houses as it means less travelling with stuff.

I don't think you are overreacting at all. This would massively piss me off. Whilst you may be very grateful for offers of babysitting you may equally want to be with your baby yourself.

Take no notice of them. If they want to waste their money that's their problem. Dh can speak to his family, you can speak to yours but just keep it cool, calm, collected and brief. "Well that's nice that you are being prepared but I may not want to be apart from baby for a good while- we will have to see how it goes"

I think the ops parents are over reacting tbh!
Op has a valid excuse for feeling overwhelmed by their behaviour being hormonal and not experiencing this before.
Op let them store the crap pram ans other bits that will likely not be used as often as they are hoping to, you need to ignore this over excitement from them because it will drive you mad if you take it seriously.
Just remember the baby is yours and you get to decide who takes the baby and when and where.
Try to view it as a positive that you have people nearby for support if you need it.
Good luck.

I wouldn't stress about it OP. They aren't going to come in the night and snatch the baby. Just say no until you're ready. A lot of grandparents just get overexcited and like buying baby stuff. Babies bring out the crazy side in some people. I think it makes some grandparents feel a little nostalgic perhaps.

When I was pregnant had relatives telling me they'd bought a cot and I remember my stomach turned at the time- i barely even knew them! It turned out the cot was a 2nd hand one from family, it ended up being used for other grandchildren. 4 year old ds has never slept there!

They'll be the ones using it though. Except they won't as you're not going to ask them to look after your baby for ages. Just let them waste their money 😂

Let them waste their money...your dc is your dc.. Remind them you have waited 9 months for this dc to o arrive. And you aren't in a hurry to be handing them over... But you will let them know when you are....

My dd is actually living with us and pregnant... Even me and dh aren't assuming any role!!