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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mental mum frenemy causing stress

222 replies

Lashserum · 11/01/2025 20:56

I got quite close to a mum of a son’s friend who goes to weekend martial arts school. This martial arts school is opposite a leisure centre. At first all good but then after a few months my son would come out upset by one of her children. It was always minor stuff and the staff didn’t say anything so I shrugged it off - we are not the Molly coddling type of parents. A few more months went by and in the summer holidays she insisted on taking my son and a few others to the holiday camp and taking them for lunch / dinner after. We tried to decline but it wasn’t an option. Myself and a few other mums met up for coffees in the leisure centre often and became closer.
Long story short I found out more about this other boys behaviour and I think he is quite manipulative. We then arranged a meal with the kids October half term but not with the original mum. She found out and went mental. We apologised but said we are adults and allowed to arrange things as we wish. She then blocked one of the other mums who was a bit more vocal however was ok with others - still friendly with all the boys.
Anyway all the boys still do the club and me and other mums share pick up / drop off and coordinate. The original mum is overly friendly with me, I want to keep a distance as she sent me a random ranting message on New Year’s Eve saying she’s upset that she’s never had an offer back for anything she’s done. I tried to make it clear in my reply that we don’t need her to help and no bad feeling but she doesn’t get the message and is still offering to help pick up my son in the mornings before club, my son is fine to do the activity with hers but says he can get a bit angry/ mean / funny sometimes. A few others have now left as they were older. It’s like trying to get through to someone but getting nowhere, but I will have to see her mid week and weekend weekly. Help!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/01/2025 20:59

I don’t think you’ve behaved particularly well in all of this. It might not have been your intention, but you’ve been a user. Why not say that you don’t think the boys get on well, so while you appreciate her offer of lifts, you think it’s better you sort yourself out.

Lashserum · 11/01/2025 21:02

How have I used ??? One day she just showed up unannounced !!!! I have never asked. I am also of the opinion that one shouldn’t offer on the basis of getting something back but maybe that’s just me?

I have said before I don’t think their personalities gel well but she reeled off a list of things that they have done nicely. It’s like she doesn’t hear me / us. She also mentions things in front of the kids before asking first so then they all get excited. I have even offered to pay for snacks / meals but never received bank details.

OP posts:
AsmallabodeIsallweWant · 11/01/2025 21:03

I did not understand a word. What?

Woahtherehoney · 11/01/2025 21:04

“Tried to decline but it wasn’t an option” - OF COURSE it’s an option OP. You don’t just let someone take your kid somewhere if you don’t want them to go.

very odd.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 11/01/2025 21:05

If they get 'all excited' they can't hate her son that much. Sounds a little bit 'mean girls' to me. Of course you're free to socialise with whoever you like but if your son is excited to do something with hers you'd surely still let him?

Lashserum · 11/01/2025 21:07

They do not hate him and sometimes play nicely but there are behaviours not acceptable that are allowed and cause upset. Snatching / swearing/ using games console to talk to people on the internet etc. ( I don’t let mine have one)

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 11/01/2025 21:10

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arcticpandas · 11/01/2025 21:15

I feel sorry for that mum. She's trying to make friends and has been excluded from the selective mum group on the basis that her sons are sometimes not nice ? So she invites everyone for activities and meal and then the parents have a meetup excluding her. I get mean girls vibes if it's not something about this mum you have left out?

DaringLion · 11/01/2025 21:22

So you have all excluded this mum. MEAN GIRLS

IButtleSir · 11/01/2025 21:22

We tried to decline but it wasn’t an option.

You're a grown woman with children; get a bloody grip.

Littlemisscapable · 11/01/2025 21:27

Yeah there is something not right about this....

Bababear987 · 11/01/2025 21:29

So shes tried making friends and you've all thrown it back in her face.

Motherhood is hard, maybe shes struggling, maybe she doesnt know that her childs behaviour is too much. If you dont want to be friends just tell her instead of organising every other person in the group to go out and not invite her.... major nasty high school girl vibes

Chesterdrawswalla · 11/01/2025 21:30

DaringLion · 11/01/2025 21:22

So you have all excluded this mum. MEAN GIRLS

I got this vibe from this post too.

It all sounds very confusing, so I’m not sure what the original issue is. That makes me think OP is massively twisting this story to make the mum sound unreasonable and to cover up mean girl behaviour.

the woman sounds a bit much, but you don’t explain OP why you didn’t include her in a meet up with other mums.

JLou08 · 11/01/2025 21:31

This all sounds very cliquey. You were friends with this woman but then started getting closer to another group and excluded her. The "we" "us" sounds like you are ganging up on this woman and bullying her, using your DC as an excuse.

Chesterdrawswalla · 11/01/2025 21:33

Also perhaps she would like to be included in the coordinating pick ups and drop offs?

maybe she just wants to be part of that group and you seem intent on excluding her

ToLiveForTheHopeOfItAll · 11/01/2025 21:47

Sounds like you're trying to bin her off because you're in with the bigger mum group now. Unpleasant.

Lashserum · 11/01/2025 22:10

The main reason we did not include her is that there has been some very questionable behaviour from her child and normal people don’t tell others what to do with their children.
secondly she is very intense and does not maintain confidentiality.
I have not moved groups and am not a mean girl that is not what I stand for at all.
it’s very difficult not knowing what to do when someone doesn’t take social queues

OP posts:
MayIcarryYourSchoolBooks · 11/01/2025 22:13

Ooh, very nasty OP, very nasty

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/01/2025 22:15

"We tried to decline but it wasn’t an option." Why? Blackmail? Kidnapping? Cat got your tongue?

AlloaintheMiddle · 11/01/2025 22:19

AVOID!
Something very similar happened to me. The mum played the defenceless victim, she was toxic, turn into a stalker…
Some parents are simply mental.
You don’t owe anyone friendship.

Edited to add: they pretend they don’t get the social cues!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 11/01/2025 22:21

Lashserum · 11/01/2025 22:10

The main reason we did not include her is that there has been some very questionable behaviour from her child and normal people don’t tell others what to do with their children.
secondly she is very intense and does not maintain confidentiality.
I have not moved groups and am not a mean girl that is not what I stand for at all.
it’s very difficult not knowing what to do when someone doesn’t take social queues

You are a mean girl.

Lashserum · 11/01/2025 22:22

AlloaintheMiddle · 11/01/2025 22:19

AVOID!
Something very similar happened to me. The mum played the defenceless victim, she was toxic, turn into a stalker…
Some parents are simply mental.
You don’t owe anyone friendship.

Edited to add: they pretend they don’t get the social cues!

Edited

I am genuinely scared of acquiring a stalker. How do I avoid when she is insisted on speaking

OP posts:
AlloaintheMiddle · 11/01/2025 22:29

You need to be direct, only way to handle it.
It might not work, though. She might turn it around and play the victim because of your “mean message.”

All the red flags.

It’s only when you encounter someone like this that you truly understand how toxic they can be.

Lashserum · 11/01/2025 22:32

Face to face or message ?

OP posts:
Lashserum · 11/01/2025 22:32

As she is sickly sweet nice in person it’s difficult

OP posts:
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