Mental mum frenemy causing stress

[Lashserum]

I got quite close to a mum of a son’s friend who goes to weekend martial arts school. This martial arts school is opposite a leisure centre. At first all good but then after a few months my son would come out upset by one of her children. It was always minor stuff and the staff didn’t say anything so I shrugged it off - we are not the Molly coddling type of parents. A few more months went by and in the summer holidays she insisted on taking my son and a few others to the holiday camp and taking them for lunch / dinner after. We tried to decline but it wasn’t an option. Myself and a few other mums met up for coffees in the leisure centre often and became closer.
Long story short I found out more about this other boys behaviour and I think he is quite manipulative. We then arranged a meal with the kids October half term but not with the original mum. She found out and went mental. We apologised but said we are adults and allowed to arrange things as we wish. She then blocked one of the other mums who was a bit more vocal however was ok with others - still friendly with all the boys.
Anyway all the boys still do the club and me and other mums share pick up / drop off and coordinate. The original mum is overly friendly with me, I want to keep a distance as she sent me a random ranting message on New Year’s Eve saying she’s upset that she’s never had an offer back for anything she’s done. I tried to make it clear in my reply that we don’t need her to help and no bad feeling but she doesn’t get the message and is still offering to help pick up my son in the mornings before club, my son is fine to do the activity with hers but says he can get a bit angry/ mean / funny sometimes. A few others have now left as they were older. It’s like trying to get through to someone but getting nowhere, but I will have to see her mid week and weekend weekly. Help!

Oh come on, how many female to female stalkers are there?!

You sound like a bitchy, nasty woman OP. The original Mum is better off without you and your ‘Mum friends’.

When will MN give us the long awaited facepalm ‘react’ emoji we’ve all been waiting for?! It would be perfect for threads like this.

I imagine OP as unemployed, in a deeply unhappy marriage, deeply insecure. Also, what you said

I don’t believe I have done anything wrong.

So this entire thread was a waste of time then?

Why post if you don't really want to listen?

I bet you were a bully in school, excluding girls to make yourself feel special....very insecure behaviour.
some people never grow up and stay a bully for the rest of their lives.

Not sure how you jump to me being insecure and unemployed!

I don’t want to be friends with her I am not excluding her. Everyone else is entitled to be friends with her if they so wish which they don’t due to her behaviours. I posted to get advice about how to step back which I haven’t received as everyone is calling me a nasty bully because I want to be left alone!

Great let’s hope she leaves me alone.

Stop dumping your kid(s) on her. You’ve got a voice and autonomy, use it and say no. You’ve aren’t a powerless victim here.

I won’t be replying again.

Thanks to those helpful posters.

I have never dumped my child with her and have a perfectly good set up for childcare. Staff at the hobby are complimentary about my son. I do not want a friendship with this other mum and will just keep my distance and continue to decline any further offers (which there have already been a couple following her NYE rant) as I have done since the summer. I will call out any poor behaviour from her child but continue to encourage friendliness towards her child and inclusion. We won’t be doing anything outside of the hobby again.

The fact the other dad said that his child was blamed and excuses given when he tried to call out the behaviour which was then met with a defensive and nasty U turn going from obsessively trying to help to blaming his child validates what I already knew.

Also to be clear her child is not SEN.

ironically she asked my advice about leaving her husband, even if I had a failing marriage and was u employed I am not sure how it changes things. I am happy with my own life and friends.

Are you employed then? Because the amount of time and energy you put into bullying that woman is impressive so I'm guessing you don't have a job. You sell Avon maybe?

Oh goodness me. Your updates keep showing what a nasty person you are. You've really got it in for this other mum haven't you.

The fact the other dad said that his child was blamed and excuses given when he tried to call out the behaviour which was then met with a defensive and nasty U turn going from obsessively trying to help to blaming his child validates what I already knew.
Bitchy bully girls often clutch at anyone else's opinions or experiences to validate their own shitty bullying behaviour.

I won’t be replying again.
Don't worry about posting again. You carry on as you are as you clearly have not gleaned any insight from this thread.

Don’t haste ye back 👋

Hi, are you and the other mums scared of her?

Having a bad day?

Your story could be mine. The part where she discuss plans in front of the children is exactly what mine did, it was simply so I won’t say no, highly manipulative.

You can’t win with this kind of person. If you stand up for yourself, you’re mean, if you play along, you become a pawn in their game. It’s impossible, so do whatever makes you comfortable.

I’m sorry for the responses you received here.

Very best of luck.

This is like living in a different planet no?

Our experience clearly makes us read the situation much differently, as in, it is very obviously wrong! But the majority does not see it at all.

I hope you had people/friends in real who believed and supported you.

Yes, alternate reality!

Unfortunately, if you know, you know.

It's all very recent with mine, and unfortunately still ongoing. She's very possessive and intense and I am unable to shake her off.

I hope you managed to shake yours off and there were never any re-occurrences!

Yeah agree with this, the "genuinely afraid of acquiring a stalker" comment gave it away for me. Get over yourself OP

I did but the police got involved. 🙄

It may sound dramatic and extreme but it took years (reception to year 4) for things to escalate so much.

This is why I’m so drastic in my views, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to shut it down there and then. It would have been nasty still but at least save me years of headache.

And to be clear, mine wasn’t a lonely isolated struggling mum, she was a local celebrity, surrounded by dozens of “friends”, well to do, very involved in school, when I was an asocial introvert with no friends as new to the area at the time.

The OP (or yours) situation might not turn as bad as mine but it always starts low level and it’s already making the OP (and you) uncomfortable therefore AVOID NOW!

🙂

OP- you seem to change or the very least ‘tweak’ your narrative about both this mum and her son as this thread goes on ..

One minute you say you were happy for this mum to pull the red carpet out for you with lifts and play dates and nice food (because someone must have put a gun to your head as you then say you couldn’t say NO)

You then accuse a tiny little boy of being ‘manipulative’ which is SUCH a mean thing to say about a child and has such a nasty meaning !

When you’re questioned by (understandably baffled) mn’s as to why this little boy is so manipuk of why his behaviour is so ‘awful’ you come back with some really weak pathetic reasons like ‘he interacts/talks to people via gaming and we don’t allow that in our house for our dc’ (how is that halo of yours .. been polishing it lots today hence why you’ve not been back??)

You say your dc and the other mums dc ‘get all excited’ if the topic is broached about a possible play date and the this (apparent ‘stalking sickly sweet ‘) mum instigates

You also said she’s burst into tears about all of this of her not being included and has cried her eyes out about her husband and wanting the leave him

She honestly just comes across as lovely to me .. a mum who is putting a brave face on, yes her dc might be ‘full on’ but I bet your precious angel is far from perfect and I already gather from this thread that YOU’RE no angel OP!

Also your wording is VERY telling about you where you say ‘we’ and ‘us’ when referring to yourself and the other mums against/vs this mum. That’s the wording of a BULLY. A MEAN GIRL! Try reading it back OP but imagine you and all the other mums are 16 year old high school girls and you’re taking about a new girl at school who is desperate to fit in so she’s even buying treats and treating you all to say a nice lunch .. you’d think ‘what a bunch of nasty b*tches!’ wouldn’t you OP? Because that’s what you are sounding like! And you’ve even confirmed your MEAN GIRL tag on this very thread .. as soon as the direction went the way you didn’t expect it to you got highly defensive and tried to back track but still tried to paint this mum and her child as ‘weird’ and other rude descriptions

OP you know being KIND costs nothing? You and your meany girl minions COULD HAVE invited her! I’d understand you not inviting her to a spa weekend that say you go annually with a long time best friend and your sister etc ! but it’s just a meet up! It made her feel left out and upset ! Was the catch up worth it op? was it sooo much fun that you’ve had to go out of your way of not including another mum and her child? What for just say an hour? Just an hour of being NICE? You could’ve even manage that? OP before you start accessing small children and naming them manipulative on a public forum I think you need to work on yourself , look in the mirror and do better.