To tell my SIL to bugger off with her comments?

[TitaniasAss]

My DB and SIL have been staying with us since Friday and are due to leave tomorrow. It's been nice and I get on well with SIL but if she comments one more time on what I eat I think I'll scream.

I eat pretty well a majority of the time (I'm kind of 80/20 in terms of healthier/treats that I like). I run 4 times a week, which I've still been doing over the festive period and I generally try to take a fairly balanced approach to food and drink. I like to feel healthy as much as possible most of the time and I'm not overweight.

But it's Christmas. I am over indulging and probably about 70% pate 30% Quality Street right now and I really don't give a shit because I know that by the end of the week I'll be back to normal.

SIL seems to comment on every bloody think I eat or drink. 'Oh another chocolate/more wine/not more cheese and crackers, surely?' or a little snigger and comment to my DH (who has inhaled everything in sight but not a word has been said to him) 'oh you'll have to roll her around the floor if she keeps eating like that'. DH didn't laugh and told her that he wouldn't notice what I ate and nor should she.

I've tried to laugh it off with a jolly 'you're not trying to make me feel bad are you?' and eventually 'oh my god stop watching what I eat!' but I'm sick of it. I adore my brother and would never want to upset him, especially as he's had a really tough few weeks. I've noticed that she never says anything in front of him, but I really don't know how to last another 24 Hours with her monitoring every bloody thing I eat.

How do I put a stop to it without causing an issue with my brother or do I just put up with it for another day?

YABU - keep your mouth shut
YANBU - speak to my brother and potentially upset him

I adore my brother and would never want to upset him, especially as he's had a really tough few weeks.

For that reason I would keep schtum on this occasion but have her card marked.

Jeez, who cares if it upsets your brother? Tell her it's no longer funny and it's making you uncomfortable. Why are you worried about upsetting them when she is happy to say whatever she likes!

Just tell her to stop commenting on what you are eating as she is being really rude. If she doesn't stop and you don't want to upset your brother by criticising his wife, you'll just need to stop inviting them to stay and reduce the time you spend with them.

Yeah, I’d probably whisper quietly in her ear. We’ve done that joke now. Stop.

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of rising to it - she is obviously looking for a reaction. Just kill her with kindness and never have her to stay again!

I wouldn't speak to your brother, I'd say something directly to her. I'd be gentle though as she clearly has issues around food.

Although you already said "stop watching what I eat" which I'd say is spot on. Did she stop after that?

You do neither.

You pull the woman up about her rudeness, tell her in no uncertain terms to stop and take absolutely no notice of what your brother does or doesn't think about that.

It's got bugger all to do with him, has it?

I really do care if it upsets him. He's done so much for me in the past and been a huge support to both DH and me. He's a good, kind man.

I think I'd talk at length about how lucky I am to be able to pig out and not have to worry about it.

I'd be very boastful about my luck and about how mentally and emotionally strong I am to have no problem with overindulging occasionally but still active enough for it not to have an effect on my overall well being - physical and mental.

I'd wonder loudly about how people enjoy their lives if they're never able to overindulge.

She'll stop, I promise.

YANBU. No reason to put up with her comments or to bring your brother into this tho, could you deal with it directly?

Next time she says anything about it, stop look at her and say: no matter who is in the room.
“Hey, since you arrived here you have been commenting on every single thing I’ve eaten and drunk. Multiple comments throughout the day. Why are you doing this? Are you ok? Are you worried about something? You know you can talk to me about it something is worrying you?”

Keep looking at her until she responds (or flounces off).

Enjoy your Christmas!

They're leaving tomorrow. She's a complete twat but for your brother's sake, just stay quiet for another few hours. You shouldn't have to, of course, but that's how it goes sometimes. Eat what you like, don't respond to the comments.

@TitaniasAss so if he's good and kind he won't want his wife upsetting his sister. You don't need to be rude or upset him, just tell his wife you've had enough of the "jokes".

To be fair your brother should be upset that his wife is being a total biatch to his sister. Why isn't he or is she doing it sneakily? Call her out on it.

....who's married to a twat of a woman.

Still your right to take it up with her, without worrying about his feelings.

Why do you think yours are less important?

And as others have said

If this 'good kind man' is worried about your feelings, he'll understand it's your prerogative to stick up for yourself.

Yep. That’s the last invite they have for this length of time. But you can’t ruin your relationship with your brother over some mean-girl comments.
If she’d really crossed a line (insulting your children or a much-loved relative etc.) then it’d be a different story.
You eat well and run four times a week. Her comments are water off a ducks back surely. It’s the Christmas/NY period!
But I wouldn’t forget this behaviour from her.

Check her out. No one’s perfect, what are her faults? How does she look?
Then go on and on about them.

I would look her directly in the eye and shove whatever she's commenting on straight on my mouth and make gross yummy noises. If she asks what you're doing I'd tell her she loves watching what you're eating so much you want to give her a show 🤣
Or you could stop at silent eye contact, nice and pointed without having to actually call her out

She doesn't say anything in front of him, she knows he would say something and I would hate for it to cause a falling out between them. He doesn't need the stress right now.

I wouldn't involve your brother at all, but I would tell her straight after the next comment that she is to stop commenting on what you eat. Not in a joking away, but tell her straight.

What's the point in asking if YABU if you have decided not to say anything then?

This needs nipping in the bud, even if it feels awkward - she needs to feel awkward. Naturally we want to laugh it off a bit to lighten the situation but it is precisely the tension that will make her stop.

The next time she rudely comments on what you are eating I would look her in the eyes and say calmly and seriously “Please stop commenting on what I eat. It’s rude.” She will invariably protest but do not respond to this. She needs calling out.

Next time, open your mouth really wide and show her the chewed-up contents.

She's the one causing the stress.

You're just the one who needs to stick up for yourself in your own home.

If you're unwilling to do that, then there's little else that can be done 🤷‍♂️

That's a fair point, I think I'm just having a whinge really.