To tell my SIL to bugger off with her comments?

[TitaniasAss]

My DB and SIL have been staying with us since Friday and are due to leave tomorrow. It's been nice and I get on well with SIL but if she comments one more time on what I eat I think I'll scream.

I eat pretty well a majority of the time (I'm kind of 80/20 in terms of healthier/treats that I like). I run 4 times a week, which I've still been doing over the festive period and I generally try to take a fairly balanced approach to food and drink. I like to feel healthy as much as possible most of the time and I'm not overweight.

But it's Christmas. I am over indulging and probably about 70% pate 30% Quality Street right now and I really don't give a shit because I know that by the end of the week I'll be back to normal.

SIL seems to comment on every bloody think I eat or drink. 'Oh another chocolate/more wine/not more cheese and crackers, surely?' or a little snigger and comment to my DH (who has inhaled everything in sight but not a word has been said to him) 'oh you'll have to roll her around the floor if she keeps eating like that'. DH didn't laugh and told her that he wouldn't notice what I ate and nor should she.

I've tried to laugh it off with a jolly 'you're not trying to make me feel bad are you?' and eventually 'oh my god stop watching what I eat!' but I'm sick of it. I adore my brother and would never want to upset him, especially as he's had a really tough few weeks. I've noticed that she never says anything in front of him, but I really don't know how to last another 24 Hours with her monitoring every bloody thing I eat.

How do I put a stop to it without causing an issue with my brother or do I just put up with it for another day?

YABU - keep your mouth shut
YANBU - speak to my brother and potentially upset him

I’d be inclined to take her to one side and say ‘I’ve noticed that you seem really preoccupied with what I’m eating and I’m wondering if you’re OK or if you have any issues with food’. If she denies it, then I’d suggest that she rein it in a bit because it’s a bit odd that she’s so obsessed with what I’m eating. If she says she’s noticed I’m eating a lot of junk food, I’d laugh and explain to her that she has no need to worry about that, I exercise plenty and understand that balance in everything is key. If she says she’s does have issues with eating (which she won’t), I’d suggest she speak to a GP.

I’d keep it calm and gentle if I was worried about the relationship with DB but I’d definitely let her know it’s getting weird.

But you are a much nicer person than she is. She may be attractive, but she must have some insecurities to be constantly commenting on what someone else is eating.

Can't believe you've put up with it so long - and why have a word with your brother FFS? - SiL is an adult, and she is the one being rude.
I'd have maybe let it go the first time, but then made it clear that she should keep her "jokes" and food obsessions to herself - and reiterate every time if she continued after that.

If she is leaving tomorrow, probably a bit late to bother - just serve her a plate of plain boiled vegetables for her next meal.

Don’t forget to load up a groaning tray of indulgent midnight snacks as you head cheerily up to bed. G’nite all! 👋

This

A stock answer, using the exact same words every time can drive home the message that it's been done to death.

"More wine already..."
"I'm sorry, are you making these comments because you want some wine, just help yourself?"
"Another biscuit..."
"I'm sorry, are you commenting because you'd like a biscuit, honestly just help yourself?"

I've spent time sitting back and observing my annoying in-laws this year, mentally perfecting wicked impersonations of them to perform after they've left.

Try it, it's very therapeutic! And if it gets really bad, perform it in front of them probably not if you want to stay on good terms with you brother.

this.

Tell her you’re fining her 10p for every comment, go “ca-ching!” every time, and demand £30 when she leaves

I use "Did you mean to say that out loud?" in these scenarios.

I do think it needs called out in some capacity but i think "that one is getting a bit old, Susan" should be fine. I have a family member always doing this and i think she would love to be the one diving headfirst into the quality street and her comments are her way of forcing herself to maintain her discipline (and superiority complex) when she really doesn't want to.

I think every time she does it, just take a massive mouthful of whatever it is and stare really intensely at her while you chew slowly and messily. It'll be so disconcerting she'll stop. I learnt this from films but it's surprisingly effective (I used to work with commenters).

Can't you just say something like 'ha ha that's a bit rude!' with a big smile?

As you've tried polite methods of censorship, I think I'd start stuffing food into my mouth in the grossest possible way and go right up to her making smacking lips noises and maybe threaten to smear her in cheese or something like that? Basically gross her out as much as possible so she is unlikely to mention again. Or approach holding out an after eight mint, going on about how it is only wafer thin, she knows she wants one, go on go on go on go on etc etc.

Just say something like
‘Yes it’s great I can stuff my face and not put on an ounce. I feel sorry for people who have to watch every calorie’.

Agreed

If she's not doing it in front of him, then why do you need to speak to him/upset him?

When she does it, just tell her it's very rude and to stop as it's extremely boring.
Doesn't need to involve him.

Alternatively only eat in front of him. All the time giving her the eye to see if she's going to comment

Well there's your solution then.

Next time she takes a pop at you (because that is what she is doing) just fix her with a hard stare and softly say - 'I've noticed you are never rude to me when you are in earshot of my brother. Why is that?'. And then say nothing, just keep looking at her as if waiting for her to answer.

I'm actually wondering if he's already had words with her about this (maybe even before they came to yours)?

Its not serious enough to start a row over so I'd say something like "yeah I can stuff my face and not gain a pound. You know why? Because I'm very fit and I just burn it off. Lucky arent I? Another mince pie anyone?"

Id outright ask her if she is projecting her food issues onto you next time she says anything

@TitaniasAss whisper to her not to worry as you are bulimic, so you are puking it all up but don't tell your brother wink wink.
Obvs she will tell him, just say it was only way to shut her up.

"I'm okay with that, thanks" and repeat.

Or

"So?"

Or

"Brother, I better not let DSIL see me eating this or she'll be straight on the phone to Green Peace, she does love to fat shame me"

I’d go super passive aggressive and inform her every time of every thing I’m eating and drinking. ‘Just having a biscuit SIL!’ And when someone inevitably says something reply that she seems very interested in everything your having so you thought she should know, to add to her list.

Just say it's Christmas if you can't over indulge at Christmas when can you? You only live once can't spend your life counting calories all the time.

This.

This doesn't mean his wife gets to be a bitch to you, OP.

I'm sure you've put a lot of time, effort and expense into hosting them this Xmas. It's not OK that she gets to shit on that.

Tell her to mind her fucking business and take her own arse for a run if she's worried so much about health.

Does she exercise a lot, OP?

If not, I bet she has to really restrict her eating to maintain her weight and she's probably jealous that you can hit the camembert and ferrero rocher and not gain weight.

Either way - she's the one with the problem and you really don't have to put up with it.