To tell my SIL to bugger off with her comments?

[TitaniasAss]

My DB and SIL have been staying with us since Friday and are due to leave tomorrow. It's been nice and I get on well with SIL but if she comments one more time on what I eat I think I'll scream.

I eat pretty well a majority of the time (I'm kind of 80/20 in terms of healthier/treats that I like). I run 4 times a week, which I've still been doing over the festive period and I generally try to take a fairly balanced approach to food and drink. I like to feel healthy as much as possible most of the time and I'm not overweight.

But it's Christmas. I am over indulging and probably about 70% pate 30% Quality Street right now and I really don't give a shit because I know that by the end of the week I'll be back to normal.

SIL seems to comment on every bloody think I eat or drink. 'Oh another chocolate/more wine/not more cheese and crackers, surely?' or a little snigger and comment to my DH (who has inhaled everything in sight but not a word has been said to him) 'oh you'll have to roll her around the floor if she keeps eating like that'. DH didn't laugh and told her that he wouldn't notice what I ate and nor should she.

I've tried to laugh it off with a jolly 'you're not trying to make me feel bad are you?' and eventually 'oh my god stop watching what I eat!' but I'm sick of it. I adore my brother and would never want to upset him, especially as he's had a really tough few weeks. I've noticed that she never says anything in front of him, but I really don't know how to last another 24 Hours with her monitoring every bloody thing I eat.

How do I put a stop to it without causing an issue with my brother or do I just put up with it for another day?

YABU - keep your mouth shut
YANBU - speak to my brother and potentially upset him

I think next time I would just say "Jane, it's really rude to comment on what somebody eats. You must know that but keep doing it. Why?" And see what she says. Take it from there. Use an even voice and perhaps be a little patronising. Don't rise to any attempt to wind you up.

This is why neither of your options is the way to go. Don't put up with this shit but don't go telling tales to her husband!
When there's another comment you call attention to it. 'You've commented on everything I've eaten while I've hosted you in my home. Why is that, what were you hoping to achieve?'.
She's trying to put you down and make you feel bad - in your own fucking house where she is a guest AND trying to make your DH her conspirator - so make it clear that will no longer be tolerated.

My guess is this is about her, not you. Has she been policing what she eats herself? It just sounds like she is jealous that you indulge and jealous that you can.

My BIL did this to us on Boxing Day and the day after. A few times I’d said it’s Christmas and life’s too short etc hoping he’d get the message. He didn’t. So when I left I made it clear I wouldn’t be attending next year as I don’t want people making comments on the food I enjoy over the Christmas period, and that he’s likely to give his children eating disorders with his unhealthy obsession attempting to control what others eat. I don’t have time for it, and i certainly wouldn’t in my own home.

Absolutely this, faux concern and if she says anything about being worried you’ll get fat or whatever, ask her how it’s any of her fucking business, but I won’t tolerate food shaming/querying what/how much others are eating and ffs, it’s Christmas! Stop feeding her and see what she says!

My cousin does this, he asked if I was eating later after having a cream tea mid afternoon on holiday. Then yesterday, he was astonished at my tiny portion. I’ve lost weight noticeably. I called him out. Don’t see what I eat has anything to do with him.

I think she is just jealous that if she ate the same way, she wouldn't be able to maintain her size like you seem too?

You don't need to say anything to him but you could say to her ffs sil why are you obsessed with what I'm eating? I don't care what you think.

If she carries on after that there's no hope for her.

Absolutely this. In a sweet, concerned way. Make it clear the problem is her.

It sounds like she's jealous and struggling with her own weight. Or it could be she thrives on drama and is seeking to stir something up. My exSIL was pretty thick and put my back up with innane comments. I wouldn't bite because it would be seen as me causing a "thing". Rise above it, thank your lucky stars she's leaving tomorrow, and think carefully about inviting her for an extended stay again.

Absolutely this! Bet she soon shuts up after that! You're likely to look very fit if you run 4 times a week and eat well most of the time...is she a bit jealous?

Sorry, but why are the 2 options, say nothing, or speak to your brother about here?

Surely as she is a grown woman, responsible for her own actions, you should be speak to her directly, its a bit "can you not control your woman" going to your brother about it.

If he's not in the room when she's doing it, obviously she can't go running to him when she gets called out on it. Tell her to shut her vindictive little gob, rather than commenting on what goes in yours.

This would be my approach as well. You sound similar to myself in that I've a good healthy attitude to food. I enjoy cooking and I love food but I do watch what we all eat as a family and I cook from scratch most of the time . However it's Christmas. The DCs have no school or activities and we can all just relax. 12 year old DD is currently having a very heavy period so has retired to her room with a mountain of chocolate and new books . I've just had crisps and half a box of Ferraro rocher with a pot of tea while watching telly. We have all been out at the playground already today and the dog was walked and tomorrow we are going swimming as rain is due . However I will eat absolutely whatever I want during Christmas and give zero shits about it. Next week we will be back to normal routine.

If she only does it in absence of your dB,I would; when he's there, get a huge pile of indulgent food and eat it in a really exaggerated manner, whilst smiling over at her repeatedly. I'd really take the piss.

Next time she says something yell out to your husband and give him a fiver. Tell her you’re both making bets on how long it takes for her to comment on what you’re eating. Dh called it this time.

Hopefully the paranoia will shut her up!

Yes, I'd do the above two posts. I'd be having a bit of fun. Bitch.

Tell her to f*ck off

I would just bore her to death by talking at length about your fitness routine and the number of calories you eat and the science behind what you're eating and why (and offer to set her up with her own plan if you're feeling like being particularly annoying) - even if it's bullshit.

And if the funning doesn't work I'd say this...😂.

if she kept on like that to me she’d be lucky to speak again.

I'd just tell her to shut the fuck up and mind her own. If anyone's doing the upsetting, it's her, not you.

You've been very restrained, I'd have stabbed her with a fork by now (joking obviously, but I'd be tempted)

Ooh, this is good.

I would tell her she needs to reassess her relationship with food as she seems to be projecting an unhealthy amount of shame onto you. I don't think I could keep quiet just for DB's sake. This is the kind of toxic commentary that children soak up and ends up in EDs.

Go back with "oh I'm so lucky, because I exercise and eat healthily most of the year I can eat whatever I like at this time and not gain a pound, I know that's not so easy for everyone though" tinkly laugh/ concerned pat on her arm with daily fail sad face