To tell my SIL to bugger off with her comments?

[TitaniasAss]

My DB and SIL have been staying with us since Friday and are due to leave tomorrow. It's been nice and I get on well with SIL but if she comments one more time on what I eat I think I'll scream.

I eat pretty well a majority of the time (I'm kind of 80/20 in terms of healthier/treats that I like). I run 4 times a week, which I've still been doing over the festive period and I generally try to take a fairly balanced approach to food and drink. I like to feel healthy as much as possible most of the time and I'm not overweight.

But it's Christmas. I am over indulging and probably about 70% pate 30% Quality Street right now and I really don't give a shit because I know that by the end of the week I'll be back to normal.

SIL seems to comment on every bloody think I eat or drink. 'Oh another chocolate/more wine/not more cheese and crackers, surely?' or a little snigger and comment to my DH (who has inhaled everything in sight but not a word has been said to him) 'oh you'll have to roll her around the floor if she keeps eating like that'. DH didn't laugh and told her that he wouldn't notice what I ate and nor should she.

I've tried to laugh it off with a jolly 'you're not trying to make me feel bad are you?' and eventually 'oh my god stop watching what I eat!' but I'm sick of it. I adore my brother and would never want to upset him, especially as he's had a really tough few weeks. I've noticed that she never says anything in front of him, but I really don't know how to last another 24 Hours with her monitoring every bloody thing I eat.

How do I put a stop to it without causing an issue with my brother or do I just put up with it for another day?

YABU - keep your mouth shut
YANBU - speak to my brother and potentially upset him

What is her eating like?.is she restricting her own food intake in any way?

She is very judgemental about you eating treats, which could be a reflection of how she feels about herself eating treats and the wider issue of her weight, appearance and relationship to food.

Could you ask her if she is ok with food herself, if she has any anxiety or concerns around her own eating?

Or she could just be a nosey, snarky cow 😅

Is she responsible for his stress?

Just do a massive fart in her general direction 😂then laugh!

patronising voice "you seem awfully preoccupied about what I'm eating. Is that because <pointed glance at her thighs> well, you know <awkward laugh>. Do you want me to go elsewhere to eat?"

What size / fitness level is your SIL ?

Next time she comments, ask her for a quiet word in another room. Tell her to quit it, she's way overstepping and you've had enough of it.
If she comes out with the I'm only kidding, can you not take a joke line, tell her nobody seems to find it funny but her.
However your DB takes it is irrelevant.

YANBU. First thing I can think of trying is to catch the SIL in private and be firm but fair about her behaviour and your objection to it. If she takes that as an excuse to act worse, tell her to get fucked and don't invite her round again. Toxic people are dangerous and should be booted out of your life.

How much does she eat? Like a bird - so she polices everyone's food - or does she pack it away and is trying to make herself feel better? Is she heavier than you and jealous - of your size and how much you can eat? Even though you know this is a Christmas blow out not your regular eating pattern.

Her reasons would determine which version of fuck off I chose.

This, but I would be very tempted to address it directly in a loud tone of concern, a la:

"SIL, is everything alright? You're taking an unhealthy interest in my eating and have now made several comments suggesting you are overly preoccupied with weight, particularly considering that I am a generally healthy person with a healthy body index. I'm hearing a real anxiety about food and fat under all this."

She'll no doubt try to laugh this off or turn it back on you at which you might say, "hmm, OK. Perhaps if you find yourself unable to stop having thoughts like this you might consider speaking to someone about it in the NY."

From them on if she up anything like it again, it's just a head tilt, smiling look of concern and, "mmmm..." or, "goodness, here we are again!" and nothing else. From then on it just underlines your previous point every single time she harps on it.

I leave it to you to decide the size of the audience for this!

Best case scenario, she's a garden variety bitch and will look sillier and more obsessive every time she brings it up. Worst case, she has a genuine eating disorder and this is step one of the intervention!

Good luck!

Guessing the SIL is a fatty and horribly jealous tbh!

Serve up a massive salad for dinner tonight. If anyone moans, give her a hard stare.

"This is why I do so much exercise, so that I can really get stuck into the treats at Christmas without gaining weight" (said around a mouthful of cheese)

Ask her if she’d like you to provide her with a stool sample so she can really get a good idea of your food consumption habits as she seems so interested.

She sounds hungry. Have you offered her a bit of cake?

Sit your SIL down and ask her calmly to stop banging on about what you are eating. Tell her it has to stop. No need to involve/worry your brother.

She sounds like a nightmare. I would just tell her directly that you're fed up now of her commenting on what you eat. Never invite her back.

Look at her, roll your eyes, condescending laugh every time. Then say, this again? Why do you care so much what I eat?

Following that just say ‘comment noted again…’ with a laugh.

It’s not worth an argument, she clearly has an issue (possibly jealousy). Also enjoy your pate, wine and quality street! Why should you care what this cow thinks?

I think I'm going to say this!

She's very attractive and I'm certain she's not jealous of me, she's certainly no reason to be, she's much more attractive than I am.

Neither of your options. Just say to her calmly but firmly (not in front of your brother the first time, but repeat in front of him if necessary), "HENRIETTA. Please STOP. COMMENTING. ON. WHAT. I EAT. I am finding it very annoying and it is spoiling my time with you. PLEASE. STOP. IT."

I’ve worked work with someone like this and it’s incredibly rude and annoying. She dieted and calorie counted stuff everyone is eating, nothing passed her own lips without some comment about how naughty it was and how she shouldn’t. We all took to completely ignoring it and taking another biscuit.

Two options.

"Oh do fuck off Janet tinkly laugh"

Or

"Why are you fixated on what I eat?" And let her explain herself.

she sounds very annoying but I don’t really know why you would really care given you’re healthy and run a lot. I think you should just address it head on in a friendly way “Susan you’re probably not aware but you’ve commented every time I’ve eaten chocolate and it’s actually a bit annoying now! I love you but you give the food commentary a rest love?”

Hurray! Don't get suckered into asking her to stop commenting. That's just evidence that you're feeling bad, which for whatever reason is what she's trying to achieve.

Skelp her with a wheel of Wensleydale (then eat it)

Just start commenting every time she goes to the toilet.

’You’re not going for ANOTHER wee are you Janet?!’

’Blimey Janet you can wee for England!’

’No 1 or No 2 this time?’

Hopefully she’ll realise how ridiculous it is to comment on something so mundane, she’ll also stop. Or if she says something like ‘why is it any of your business?’ you can say it’s not, same as your eating habits aren’t any of hers!