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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my SIL to bugger off with her comments?

222 replies

TitaniasAss · 30/12/2024 14:54

My DB and SIL have been staying with us since Friday and are due to leave tomorrow. It's been nice and I get on well with SIL but if she comments one more time on what I eat I think I'll scream.

I eat pretty well a majority of the time (I'm kind of 80/20 in terms of healthier/treats that I like). I run 4 times a week, which I've still been doing over the festive period and I generally try to take a fairly balanced approach to food and drink. I like to feel healthy as much as possible most of the time and I'm not overweight.

But it's Christmas. I am over indulging and probably about 70% pate 30% Quality Street right now and I really don't give a shit because I know that by the end of the week I'll be back to normal.

SIL seems to comment on every bloody think I eat or drink. 'Oh another chocolate/more wine/not more cheese and crackers, surely?' or a little snigger and comment to my DH (who has inhaled everything in sight but not a word has been said to him) 'oh you'll have to roll her around the floor if she keeps eating like that'. DH didn't laugh and told her that he wouldn't notice what I ate and nor should she.

I've tried to laugh it off with a jolly 'you're not trying to make me feel bad are you?' and eventually 'oh my god stop watching what I eat!' but I'm sick of it. I adore my brother and would never want to upset him, especially as he's had a really tough few weeks. I've noticed that she never says anything in front of him, but I really don't know how to last another 24 Hours with her monitoring every bloody thing I eat.

How do I put a stop to it without causing an issue with my brother or do I just put up with it for another day?

YABU - keep your mouth shut
YANBU - speak to my brother and potentially upset him

OP posts:
JHound · 30/12/2024 18:19

I would tell her what I eat is none of her business.

In a tone that makes it clear she needs to stfu.

MorrisZapp · 30/12/2024 18:42

You've already said 'oh my god stop watching what I eat' so presumably she won't comment again, especially if your brother is in the room. No need for further action.

Prettydisgustingactually · 30/12/2024 18:50

I would pretend to be concerned and ask her for a private word and then ask if your eating is triggering an issue she has with food.

Teenie22 · 30/12/2024 19:01

I would have a quiet word and ask her why she feels the need to repeatedly comment on what you are eating. Put her on the spot and hopefully she’ll realise how awful she’s being.

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/12/2024 19:11

How did your lovely brother end up with such a rude cow for a wife?

FrangipaniBlue · 30/12/2024 19:26

I came to say the same as a couple of other posters.

Every time you eat something unhealthy when your DB is there, do it in a really performative and exaggerated way while looking her dead in the eye.........

then don't eat anything unhealthy in front of her if he isn't around.

She'll spontaneously combust like she's been holding a fart in for too long Grin

Ladybyrd · 30/12/2024 19:30

FrangipaniBlue · 30/12/2024 19:26

I came to say the same as a couple of other posters.

Every time you eat something unhealthy when your DB is there, do it in a really performative and exaggerated way while looking her dead in the eye.........

then don't eat anything unhealthy in front of her if he isn't around.

She'll spontaneously combust like she's been holding a fart in for too long Grin

Do a Nigella, in a really sexualised way, although that may be a bit weird for DB.

Original poster
TitaniasAss · 30/12/2024 19:37

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/12/2024 19:11

How did your lovely brother end up with such a rude cow for a wife?

She thinks it's funny. I like her normally but she often says things and laughs saying it's 'just a bit of fun' and you feel like an over sensitive twat.

OP posts:
Miffylou · 30/12/2024 19:41

TitaniasAss · 30/12/2024 19:37

She thinks it's funny. I like her normally but she often says things and laughs saying it's 'just a bit of fun' and you feel like an over sensitive twat.

Show quote history

That’s what all the playground bullies say.

godmum56 · 30/12/2024 19:42

TitaniasAss · 30/12/2024 19:37

She thinks it's funny. I like her normally but she often says things and laughs saying it's 'just a bit of fun' and you feel like an over sensitive twat.

Show quote history

oh just bants is it? She doesn't think its funny she is excusing her nastiness.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/12/2024 19:52

TitaniasAss · 30/12/2024 19:37

She thinks it's funny. I like her normally but she often says things and laughs saying it's 'just a bit of fun' and you feel like an over sensitive twat.

Show quote history

Except - it's not funny, and if it were just a bit of fun she'd say it in front of her husband. She doesn't, because she KNOWS he'll pull her up on it. Because he KNOWS it's not just a bit of fun.

She doesn't think what she says is funny. What she thinks is funny is making people around her feel uncomfortable; and what she thinks is really really funny is those uncomfortable people feeling that they can't tell her to shut the fuck up. She finds that absolutely hilarious.

Call her bluff. Tell her to shut the fuck up.

Justmuddlingalong · 30/12/2024 20:16

Ask her in front of your DB why she never comments on your food and drink consumption in front of him. Just let it sink in and leave the question hanging.

Dontknowwhyidoit · 30/12/2024 20:26

I would ask herin a confused way "if she was jealous or if she was worried about your eating habits." If she said she was just joking I would then ask how is it a joke to mention it continuously.

MeridianB · 30/12/2024 22:04

TitaniasAss · 30/12/2024 19:37

She thinks it's funny. I like her normally but she often says things and laughs saying it's 'just a bit of fun' and you feel like an over sensitive twat.

Show quote history

This is just putting a fake wrapper around a jibe so she can keep doing it and will claim ‘it’s only a joke’ if you or anyone else calls her on it. Which, frankly, makes it even more unpleasant and weird,

JimHalpertsWife · 30/12/2024 22:07

TitaniasAss · 30/12/2024 19:37

She thinks it's funny. I like her normally but she often says things and laughs saying it's 'just a bit of fun' and you feel like an over sensitive twat.

Show quote history

Ahh the old "it was just a joke" narcissistic strap line.

"Yes, SIL, indulging at Christmas time helps me be a happier kinder person. You should try it"

Thepossibility · 30/12/2024 22:13

Completely ignore her as if she hasn't spoken at all.

MaggieFS · 30/12/2024 22:27

You just have to deadpan back "I don't think it's fun, please stop". And walk away.

BogRollBOGOF · 30/12/2024 22:45

My experience of these types is that they (whether they are or not) perceive that they are overweight and tend to have poor habits for health, with little consistency and long term balance of nutrition. They like the "quick" options of fad diets or excessively restrictive eating and can't sustain it and are jealous of people who don't blow diet and food into a big issue and just have managable habits that aren't punitive.

I had a housemate at uni that regularly said "how come you eat so much and don't get fat?" I never actually answered with "because I've cooked a nutritious, healthy meal rather than starving myself all day for pie and chips in the evening"
She wasn't actually fat, and was just fixated on stupid bingey restriction cycles and going down the gym to oggle the fit male students rather than actually exercising.

This SiL seems to be aware of her rudeness because of selectively doing it when her DB isn't around and she deserves to have her rudeness called out.

Original poster
TitaniasAss · 31/12/2024 10:56

Well I didn't even need to say anything in the end. She made a comment last night when I had ONE chocolate (I can't remember exactly what she said but it was along the lines of oh here she goes again with the chocolates type of thing). DS (20) wandered into the room at the time and said 'bloody hell Auntie Jen (not real name) you're obsessed with what mum eats are you hungry or something?'. She was obviously embarrassed and kind of muttered 'no I'm not obssessed' or something.

I hadn't mentioned any of this to DS, so he had noticed it himself. She's been very quiet since and they're leaving at lunchtime, rather than this evening as originally planned. Brother still unaware so it's all good.

OP posts:
NonPlayerCharacter · 31/12/2024 10:57

TitaniasAss · 31/12/2024 10:56

Well I didn't even need to say anything in the end. She made a comment last night when I had ONE chocolate (I can't remember exactly what she said but it was along the lines of oh here she goes again with the chocolates type of thing). DS (20) wandered into the room at the time and said 'bloody hell Auntie Jen (not real name) you're obsessed with what mum eats are you hungry or something?'. She was obviously embarrassed and kind of muttered 'no I'm not obssessed' or something.

I hadn't mentioned any of this to DS, so he had noticed it himself. She's been very quiet since and they're leaving at lunchtime, rather than this evening as originally planned. Brother still unaware so it's all good.

Your son is fab.

Edited to correct daughter to son!

NeedToChangeName · 31/12/2024 11:02

TitaniasAss · 30/12/2024 19:37

She thinks it's funny. I like her normally but she often says things and laughs saying it's 'just a bit of fun' and you feel like an over sensitive twat.

Show quote history

No no no. Jokes disguised as banter is how people get away with bullying. Don't let it go unchallenged

Bettyfromlondon · 31/12/2024 11:05

Your son rocks!!!! Well done him.

Projectme · 31/12/2024 11:11

TitaniasAss · 31/12/2024 10:56

Well I didn't even need to say anything in the end. She made a comment last night when I had ONE chocolate (I can't remember exactly what she said but it was along the lines of oh here she goes again with the chocolates type of thing). DS (20) wandered into the room at the time and said 'bloody hell Auntie Jen (not real name) you're obsessed with what mum eats are you hungry or something?'. She was obviously embarrassed and kind of muttered 'no I'm not obssessed' or something.

I hadn't mentioned any of this to DS, so he had noticed it himself. She's been very quiet since and they're leaving at lunchtime, rather than this evening as originally planned. Brother still unaware so it's all good.

Must've been bad for your DS to have noticed! What a legend he is. At least the message got across to her eventually and she'll remember to keep schtum next time you're scoffing anything!

HomeTheatreSystem · 31/12/2024 11:22

TitaniasAss · 31/12/2024 10:56

Well I didn't even need to say anything in the end. She made a comment last night when I had ONE chocolate (I can't remember exactly what she said but it was along the lines of oh here she goes again with the chocolates type of thing). DS (20) wandered into the room at the time and said 'bloody hell Auntie Jen (not real name) you're obsessed with what mum eats are you hungry or something?'. She was obviously embarrassed and kind of muttered 'no I'm not obssessed' or something.

I hadn't mentioned any of this to DS, so he had noticed it himself. She's been very quiet since and they're leaving at lunchtime, rather than this evening as originally planned. Brother still unaware so it's all good.

The absolute best outcome! At least now she knows she's been rumbled and can shut up about it.

Christmasnamechsngexx · 31/12/2024 11:57

TitaniasAss · 31/12/2024 10:56

Well I didn't even need to say anything in the end. She made a comment last night when I had ONE chocolate (I can't remember exactly what she said but it was along the lines of oh here she goes again with the chocolates type of thing). DS (20) wandered into the room at the time and said 'bloody hell Auntie Jen (not real name) you're obsessed with what mum eats are you hungry or something?'. She was obviously embarrassed and kind of muttered 'no I'm not obssessed' or something.

I hadn't mentioned any of this to DS, so he had noticed it himself. She's been very quiet since and they're leaving at lunchtime, rather than this evening as originally planned. Brother still unaware so it's all good.

Your son is a legend!! I laughed out loud! I hope your SIL felt extremely uncomfortable! If I were you I wouldn't of been able to contain my laughter!