My husband has suddenly decided he wants a baby. I’ve said no.

[itsalldownhillfromhere]

We’re both 40 have been together 15 years. Already have a DD 14. It’s a firm no from me. AIBU

It's would be a no from me. Especially with dd so close to being independent. Two or three more years you can have some fab adult only holidays

Doesn't sound like much of a dilemma. I don't often vote but no I don't think you are being U.

Is he thinking he will leave?

If one out of 2 doesn't want a baby, then there is no baby

he May well leave you to find someone to have a baby with🤷‍♀️

What’s brought this on?
were you both one and done?
FWIW im with you - at 40 and with one child so near to adulthood, I wouldn’t be starting it again

Then he’s an arse
as he already has a family

Why does he suddenly want a baby? Will he be a SAHD or do the majority of the care?

Surely he should have brought this up when your child was about 2 ?

crazy to bring this up now at 40 (obviously if you started you family in mid 30s that’s understandable )

I very much doubt your DD would want a crying baby or toddler around while she is trying to revise.

My DD is almost 16 and I would like another but part of me thinks it’s a hormonal thing but I’m still early 30s so still on the cards.

Maybe men have the same ‘it’s now or never’ feelings.

You said no. Why did you feel the need to start a thread???

YANBU but he is also NBU. Just a different view on life moving forward. I’d suggest you are no longer compatible. If he wants children then he should leave and have them with someone who wants them. You shouldn’t be forced or coerced into having a child you don’t want. Good luck to you both. Tough times ahead.

Has he always brought this up, so like over the years but you’ve not wanted it and now he’s feeling it’s now or never type of thing?
My friend had a child early in life and when she met her current husband, he had none and has always said he would like 2 children. They had a daughter together and my friend said she’s done as there’s 2 children but her h has always wanted another ( because currently he still technically has 1). Their joint DD is now 11 and he still wants another, not sure if he’ll ever stop asking.
Anyway, Yanbu, 14 is close to being fully independent, I can’t imagine starting again.

Why do you think you might be being unreasonable?

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable

people change their mind I guess you both have to decide if your relationship can move on without another baby if he really wants to have more children

Well aren't you a cheery soul 🙄

@Tohaveandtohold on our first date he said he’d like 2 before he’s 40. I said I wasn’t really fussed either way on having kids at all, as in if it happened it happened, and if I were to we’d only have 1. We had 1. And hasn’t been brought up again until over Xmas.

Just saying

How could you possibly be unreasonable for not wanting a baby and saying so?

@RupertCampbellBlacksEgo he thinks I’m being unreasonable for not even discussing it.

Then discuss it, and still say ‘no’. What has made him suddenly say this? Most people want a second baby within five years of the first, not when they’re in their forties with a teen.

Yes but he hasn't started the thread, you have.

Please tell me there isn't a single part of you that seriously thinks you're being unreasonable to say you don't want a baby, when you don't want a baby?

It's your body so ofcourse you're not being unreasonable.

There is a thread somewhere where the roles are reversed (and it would be going from 2 to 3)… maybe useful if you are looking for arguments to support your way of thinking?

(I agree with you btw, once mine got past the dependent stage I knew I wouldn’t want to go back to the beginning, no matter how much I loved it at the time).

The ship would have firmly sailed for me, I don’t want to go back and my youngest is 4, can’t imagine a 14/15 yr age gap.