My husband has suddenly decided he wants a baby. I’ve said no.

[itsalldownhillfromhere]

We’re both 40 have been together 15 years. Already have a DD 14. It’s a firm no from me. AIBU

Yadnbu but cut him some slack, he's having a mini mid life crisis thinking what could have been. Give it a few weeks and hopefully he will have got through it. Too many risks especially upsetting your family balance at this late stage.

@FloofyPaws I have no idea. No he wouldn’t be a SAHD, to be fair he’s always more than pulled his weight, and not put his career above my own. He supported me in prioritising mine first time round.

She doesn't need to support her argument.

It's her body and her choice.

He has had 14 years to discuss this. He is being ridiculous wanting a last throw of the dice now. It will turn all your lives upside down.

he should have discussed this 12, 11, 10 etc years ago.

If the sexes were reversed then everyone would agree with him. Fwiw I think you owe him a conversation even if the outcome is a foregone conclusion.

No they wouldn’t.

@LadyTable ofcourse not. I don’t think it’s unreasonable. He and some of our friends on our chat group think it is. Some of our mates have announced they’re expecting this month.

It sounds like you led him on up until this point saying it was a possibility and he was upfront about what he wanted. To now insist that it's not even worth having a conversation about is unfair imo.

At this point with such an age gap even I wouldn't bother and I don't particularly agree with being "one and done". I can see why he's a bit upset though - he said what he wanted, you said what you wanted and you ultimately have made the decision for both of you

So the OP should have a child against her will to prevent that happening? That sounds like a tip top plan 🤷.

Well yes he might, doesn't mean OP should have a baby they don't want!

No, the agreement always goes with the person who says no. They get the deciding vote. And at 40, no one would be urging op to look elsewhere if she wants another either.

It's worth pointing out too, that sperm from older men is just as likely to cause issues with the babies genetics as eggs are. Even if he left and met someone new and they were at the point they could have kids 5 years from now, it would be a much bigger risk than if he'd done it at 30.

@Annabella92 how did I lead him on? We talked about this on our first date. At that time he said he wanted two before 40. I said I wasn’t fussed about having kids. We had 1. And have been clear it’s one and done it hasn’t even been a consideration or a question in last 14 years.

Never said it did 🤷‍♀️

I think you need to explain why it's a No to him. There's an ocean between having a baby at 26 and 40 - your body is likely to be hit harder if nothing else, and you'd have a huge age gap.

Whose plan?

Nope.

I'd still be saying her body and her choice, and especially as she's 40 with a teenager.

@Patienceinshortsupply he knows fine well why it’s a no. As well as agreeing to be one and done in the early days of our relationship I nearly lost my life during labour and was then very clear that never again.

Just a heads up...not to worry you but, this is a common thing men do when they want out of the relationship (eg: are having an affair but don't want to be the cause of the relationship ending).

It's obvious you don't want another kid after 15 years of saying so. So why bring it up now? If it's not some sort of mid life crisis...it's a get out of jail free card he's playing.

Are his friends younger? Even five years can make a difference?

Just a heads up...not to worry you but, this is a common thing men do when they want out of the relationship (eg: are having an affair but don't want to be the cause of the relationship ending).

Is it?

Where have you learned this from?

Seen it a few times on here over the years.

@Snowmanscarf no they’re the same age.

no they wouldn't.

The sensible voices always say on life changing decisions it needs to be too yesses, or the no wins. Pets, babies, emigrating to australia ... MN is pretty consistent on this.