My husband has suddenly decided he wants a baby. I’ve said no.

[itsalldownhillfromhere]

We’re both 40 have been together 15 years. Already have a DD 14. It’s a firm no from me. AIBU

@RampantIvy mad isn’t. Clearly 49 unreasonable people 😝.

I mean Op can listen & perhaps sympathise but there's not much to discuss is there?

Apart from the fact that the one they have was a compromise on Op's part, why would he want her to risk it again?

I'd be pretty upset at my husband for suggesting I undergo something that almost killed me the last time!

@PyongyangKipperbang I think this is a little far fetched.

@diddl I’ve listened. Not sure I’ve visibly emphasised as a bit pissed off it even came up (especially as he was more traumatised by the fact I almost died last time than I was).

If he's got friends his age having a baby then he's giddy with their excitement. Perhaps. A cynical person thinks the friends might be desperate to share their joy with their mates. It sounds nice having a baby at the same time as your mates.

yes it needs to be said…then all bases have been covered …..what have you contributed to the thread?
oh yeh….fuck all🙄

100% YANBU. Don't do it.

If thats what he wants then let him bloody go.

He wants a baby?
Does he have a womb?
No he doesn't so he's fresh out of luck!

I know someone this happened to. Their "premature" baby was born 7 months after he left her.

This.

Honestly op dont do it your in your 40s now and you have a child that is growing up and your getting all your freedom back to do what you want.
You will always be a parent but you wont be parenting unless you want a baby.
Back to the baby stage no thank you.
Just think your be parenting in to you 50s almost 60.

the only plan b might be to tell him you'll have one if he looks after her/him? I can't have children but I see your point more. wonder why he didn't discuss with you 14 years ago.....

Adding....all you need to do is spend a few hours on the relationships forum to see some of the insane things people will do justify affairs and cheating. It really is mind boggling. Its not far fetched at all, sadly. I truly wish that it was.

Doesn't mean she has to have a baby

I don’t think anyone can answer this for you, it’s completely up to you whether you’d like another now or not, some people love more kids, some don’t, if you don’t then that is completely your choice, I did it all again and for me I like having more, the older kids love it too and you just revert back to the younger years with the older ones, you do feel older but it’s also less stressful with age. It’s a completely personal choice though, it’s understandable not wanting to start over again, you’re not wrong whatever you choose.

I will be 55 when my baby is 16 and I’m fine with that. I also have 16 year old son.
if OP decides she DOES want another baby then if she’s in relatively good health I don’t think her age is such a big problem 🤷‍♀️

Personally, the fact you almost died the last time would end the argument. I don’t blame you at all for not wanting to take the risk again.

Ah, super intelligent comeback 🤣🤣

YANBU. I was in my 30s when mine were teenagers and I had a brief ( very brief) spell of broodiness. So glad I didn’t have a third. A levels then both at Uni with a few dramas and hours of driving/crying ( them, not me) It was quite a stressful time. Then suddenly they were both independent financially and I was free by 40.
I think it would be very difficult to meet the needs of a teen and a toddler.

Tell him to have a look at the statistics for natural conception when both parents are over 38. Then tell him to have a look at the increased likelihood of birth defects and ‘ additional needs’ amongst children sired by men over 40.

if that fails, tell him to get a gerbil. They are cute to look at but noisy at night.

There is a word for this sort of bloke and it begins and ends with ‘d’

Absolutely not Op

And you’re the one who carries all the risk after all.

I disagree with some and think he’s pretty unreasonable even to bring it up - or perhaps to go beyond a single mention, when he says he’d liked one and you say no. Putting pressure on your to discuss it suggests he thinks he just needs an opening to talk your round, which is not fair in itself.

I also find it a bit of a red flag that he’s raised this just as you’re dd is about to become a lot more independent. Almost as though he was to keep you tied down with another baby.

It is unreasonable for you to not even discuss it.
Fully disclose your feelings and reasonings for not wanting another child, that is fair.

He should also fully expose his reasonings and what he is likely to do if you two do not agree to have a second child.

Is your relationship waning, could he be wondering 'why'?
If your relationship is needing a boost, are there things you could change and improve that do not include having another child.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I don’t think it’s to keep me tied down as he’s never been that sort. When we had DD we prioritised my career over his during the early years, he did lions share of childcare, pick ups etc.

@user1492757084 as I’ve said in earlier posts I said early on in our relationship one and done, nearly died last time and said never again, so he’s well aware of the reasons. What will he do with us not having one, sulk for a day or two, then be back to normal is my guess.