My husband has suddenly decided he wants a baby. I’ve said no.

[itsalldownhillfromhere]

We’re both 40 have been together 15 years. Already have a DD 14. It’s a firm no from me. AIBU

That will put you again into square 1

Disabilities are more common with older eggs and sperm as well

For the sake of harmony I'd have a discussion. Listen to what has brought this on, why he suddenly wants a baby. Remind him you only wanted one baby, your labour was traumatic and you don't want another child.

Of course YANBU so long as you are empathising with him rather than getting annoyed at him for asking. It’s clearly a bit of a mid life crisis and he is suddenly panicking it’s the last chance and he is bound to always feel a bit sad that you didn’t have another if that’s what he always wanted. Maybe he never really grieved or processed losing the second child you never had, especially if you had a traumatic birth as he may not have wanted to even discuss it if you nearly lost your life. He needs to find a way to make peace with it.

Are you suggesting OP should bring an unwanted child into the world just to keep hold of a man? Don't you realise how terrible that would be for the child, never mind anyone else in the family?

OP clearly said that she will only have one, and the matter has never been mentioned for 14 years. How exactly has she led him on? Don't be so misogynistic.

Many of us had no concerns about our Husbands leaving until it happened.

If he wants to leave because his wife wont put herself at risk again then I think he should fuck off to the far side of fuck.

OP was also upfront about not wanting another after having their DD. It’s unfair of her DH to ask now, especially since OP nearly died in childbirth having their existing DD.
Would you be willing to ask a loved one to risk their life to get something perhaps only you wanted?
I think you are getting mixed up with the fact she originally said she might have one child, but that would be the limit.

Not a chance.
Is he on glue?
After 15 years, absolute madness.
Not least because of your health concerns.

@MrsMontyD I appreciate it happens to a lot of people out of the blue. But I very much doubt it from my perspective. It is something I see often on mumsnet is jump to he’ll leave you or you leave him.

Led him on? For 14 years?! Did he not notice his wife nearly dying when their DD was born? Is this what happens when you post between Christmas and New year you get all batshit comments on your thread?!

@IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 Oh, absolutely, I'm just pointing out it's never not a possibility.

@IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 seems so.

On your first date?! Ok...

@KatyaKabanova yes, seems soon for that discussion I know. We were friends for years first. We always knew if we crossed that line it would work really well or quickly be a disaster.

Exactly my point of view too, so I'm not sure why you've posted this to me. I was merely replying to someone who felt OP's DH deserved some explanation from her when she'd posted half an hour earlier that she's made it abundantly clear in the past and he's well aware of her reasons.

Oh I see.

I think his reasoning that he hates being an only child doesn't really apply with a 14/15 year age gap. His two children are going to feel like only children for a long time, even if they become closer as adults. Maybe your conversation about children should also address what he thinks a sibling would bring to his life?

Indeed, I thought this was a bizarre comment too. As if women having babies has ever stopped the fathers of those babies leaving them .....

Presumably he was there the last time when she nearly died?

I would definitely want to dig a bit deeper into why now, when more than one has never been on the table, and when any previous moment would have been better to bring it up than now- why not raise the conversation when the first child was 2 or 3? Why wait until she’s 14??

Why on earth does anyone think the OP is being unreasonable?
Apparently 49 posters think so

Where did she say anything like that?

@itsalldownhillfromhere I am old and cynical and wonder if this is a bit of a set up.

So if he is having an affair and OW wants a baby this, in his head, is a "clever" way of justifying him leaving you for her.