My husband has suddenly decided he wants a baby. I’ve said no.

[itsalldownhillfromhere]

We’re both 40 have been together 15 years. Already have a DD 14. It’s a firm no from me. AIBU

Then he actually is being really unreasonable in bringing this up now.

I'm not sure that makes it particularly common, but fair enough.

@Pinkbonbon I have no concerns there.

Nope, I would not want to go back to the baby stage or to childcare fees, especially when you're just getting to the time of not being as tied to your DC. Also pregnancy being harder and riskier.

Nah, fair maybe common is overstating it. But it happens. Men wanting any excuse to leave without being seen as the bad guy.

I think you should have the conversation to understand what's driving this. It doesn't sound like it's necessarily about the baby, maybe he just wants to feel needed again or something?

FUCK NO.
I'm 43 and mine are 19 and 17. The idea of having a baby again and going through all the stages (nappies, preschool etc) is horrifying to me.

@Mince3141 I have asked it’s because of the recent friend baby announcments, him turning 40, he hated being an only child. Our daughter has even told him she doesn’t want a sibling with such a big age gap.

Well, yes, if he’s a selfish prick - who would break up their 14yo dd’s home/family just for the fantasy of “another baby”. If he is that selfish and stupid, op would be ill advised to have another baby with him anyway.

I say the same when a woman wants the third baby (usually) The replies are always no is the winning answer. Never to sit down as a couple and see what is going on.

I always think my need was to get a job/life outside the kids because the second child had gone off to nursery. Dh didn’t check in with me and after months of crying and begging we had a third! I’m so pleased we didn’t have that chat I guess as dd3 wouldn’t be here.

What is a DD. Sorry Im new here

Dear Daughter

There's a list of acronyms somewhere, I'll try and find them for you.

Did this need to be said?
Do you feel you’ve helped force op into having a baby she doesn’t want, or do you just enjoy saying negative things to people?

Darling Daughter.

15 year age gap is ridiculous. Look forward to freedom.

@GlowinginHxll

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms

@GlowinginHxll if you’re new this might help

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms

Unless he's planning on carrying, birthing and then caring for the baby, he doesn't get this much of an opinion

@Kitkat1523 no concerns on him leaving.

But you know that everyone will think you're being reasonable. People on Mumsnet are rarely advised to have a baby. What is it you're really asking?

Neither of you are being unreasonable, he can’t help how he feels. I’d probably discuss it though. You said you’d maybe have one and you have, I’d have my list of reasons why it was a firm no.

I’d hear him out at least, nothing worse than just shutting down.

Did you read all of OP's posts? She posted half an hour ago "he knows fine well why it’s a no. As well as agreeing to be one and done in the early days of our relationship I nearly lost my life during labour and was then very clear that never again."

He’s U, you not wanting 2DC aside it would be unfair to your DC, you not he would be taking almost all the health risks, and essentially it’d be like having a second only child due to the large age gap.

But you have discussed it. He brought it up and you said no. Seems pretty straightforward to me. Unless he’s got a plan to gestate and birth this baby, then take all the career hits and the majority of the childcare, organisation and extra housework I’m not sure what he thinks discussing the matter is going to do to convince you.

OP should not put herself at risk with an older pregnancy. period.