How bad was this behaviour in church?

[cavapoochris]

I'm trying to work it out. I went to a carol service on Christmas Eve. Church packed. I kept my kids with me. Mum A's kids were allowed to roam free. They were up by the choir, chatting and laughing. One child made animal noises during a solo. They were pulling faces and sort of wrestling about. One child was actually grabbed by one of the choir at one point to stop them messing about. Two of the kids climbed over the prayer rail and were playing behind the altar. You could see the choir were getting upset. Mum B is spitting tacks about the whole thing, saying it was totally disrespectful. I thought it was pretty awful, but I don't know what's "normal" for these carol services nowadays. When I was a kid in church, we sat in silence and it just wasn't even a question. I would say this was a fairly traditional service, usually very beautiful and tranquil. The choir work hard to rehearse. I suppose the AIBU is was Mum A reasonable to let the kids mess about?

Bloody disgusting behaviour, The priest should have shamed the mother in front of the entire congregation, asking her to control the children or take them out. WTF!!!

For health and safety reasons if nothing else.

Awful I would say!!!

We went to a Christingle service at a very family friendly church, however I was annoyed by children playing on the altar during it. It’s not something I would allow my children to do. I do feel that a lot of people don’t seem to parent anymore?!

Yeah that's obviously ridiculous behaviour tbh.

No. Some events, whether they're church services, theatre or cinema don't require kids to be reasonably quiet and well behaved. some do. Sounds like this was very much the latter type of thing.

Yes, I've been to chaotic Christingles, but I feel that's usually a bit more child focused.

I'm a lay minister in the church of England.

My church don't 'silence' kids. We are happy for them to run around (within reason). We have microphones and always home that we will be louder than the kids. But we do expect the parents to 'parent' and use some common sense.

I would not be happy at the behaviour that you are describing. Seems like the parents were not parenting. How very upsetting for a chorister to be singing a solo and parents allowing their child to disrupt (unless of course the child has additional needs and can't help it, but that doesn't sound like the case at all).

They spoiled the service for others. That’s the benchmark. So yes, that’s shit parenting and totally inconsiderate. Why do people think it’s ok to let children do that? It baffles me.

There def aren't additional needs. I think that would be a completely different situation.

Was the service specifically child friendly, meant to accommodate the behaviour you describe from the children of Family A?

I hope you would have mentioned any such caveat, especially in light of the reaction from Mum B. As you did not, I voted YANBU. I am shocked that I was in the minority when I did so.

Mum A was out of order and should have parented her annoying brats

If they were making animal noises during a Solo by one of my family, Mum A would have wished she had been a parent

And child "friendly" does not mean sit back and let your children disrupt everyone else

It was at 3.30 on Christmas Eve, which I suppose is a child friendly time, but it wasn't billed as such, if that makes sense. The focus is v much on the beautiful singing rather than the kids.

I don’t think it’s entirely different. Additional needs doesn’t always mean you let children run amok during a church service.

One of the first things I learned about churches is that you did not go into the bit where the altar is. I wouldn't do that even if I was just visiting the church to look at its architecture. Does this rule not apply any more?

Some parents need to be told that not everyone thinks their kids are as adorable as they think they are.

We go to church regularly, and everyone accepts that kids will be kids but that means that they can do colouring or other quiet play in their seats, or the toddlers/preschoolers can run around at the back if they can't sit still. If a child tried to run up to the altar their parent would grab them before they got there.

Yes, I mean that is what I grew up thinking. The prayer rail is the line and you only go beyond that for v specific reasons?

I have a DD with additional needs. She wouldn't be allowed to behave like that

Thanks, that's helpful. This church doesn't use microphones. Yes, I suppose I feel like if there had been any effort to contain the kids, that would be different, but there just wasn't.

Totally unacceptable for parents to allow their children to behave in this way, I can't believe they weren't embarrassed!

I suspect some of the yabu votes are because people find this sort of thread irritating rather than endorsing the behaviour described. The faux naive "oh I don't know if this is ok these days" is a bit tired you obviously just wanted to tell Mumsnet you saw some kids being shits.

Our christingle at the minster is not chaotic at all. It's ages from 2-8 but the children sit nicely

Nothing in what you’ve written suggests that children were meant to have leeway to raise merry hell at this service. I also agree that if the children had special needs the situation would be different, in that the congregation should show some Christian tolerance. In no case is Mum A excused from parenting reasonably.

I think I meant that if there had been additional needs, and the parents were trying to manage a situation, that would be completely different. It's the letting them roam free for the entire thing that was weird.