bedtime for teens. who is being unreasonable

[elfshenanigans]

DH has a stressful job and needs his sleep. I work part time but still stressful. I am also the primary carer for our DC (teens with SN, aged 15 and 17). I do almost all the school runs, cooking, cleaning etc. DH gets up early to go to the office gym and he needs his sleep. He doesn't like if the DC and I watch TV or are up late. He demands that all phones are off by 9 pm and that everyone (including me) is in bed. It causes regular arguments. The DC are off school now for Xmas and I was watching a movie with DC1 and we had to stop. Is this normal? I think it's too early esp in the school hols. What is normal for others?

That's insane

What happens if you say "no"?

My 12 year old can stay up to whenever within reason in the holiday! I’m a night owl and can’t even fathom being “done” for the day at 9pm

9??

Mine are 12 and 14 and both tend to be in bed by 10.30, the younger will go straight to sleep but the eldest will potter about her room or watch something before falling asleep.

He's incredibly massively selfish and unreasonable.

Why are you letting him tell you what time to go to bed? You know that's not normal. This sounds like a horrible living environment for your kids

He's being controlling and mental!

Never mind bedtime for teens, what about you, do you want to go to bed at 9:00pm? Your DH cannot impose a bedtime on everyone just because he wants to go to bed, thats ridiculous!

What a selfish controlling twat.

10pm/10.30pm fair enough.

9pm is very unreasonable and I'd go so far as to say controlling

He gets really agitated and threatens to leave work as he cannot cope without his sleep (he knows I cannot extend my hours due to caring so will give in as we are shafted without his income) :(

Well, I'm in bed most nights by 9pm.but teen DC and DH are often until the early hours.

I can't fathom how they have the energy, but I wouldn't ask them to go to sleep when I do.

Your husband gives you a bed time?? Surely not. Tell him you’ll go to bed when you like.

Wait what? Your husband dictates what time.you go to bed? Blimey!

Why can't he sleep unless everyone is in bed? That is batshit.

too early for me but as I said, he gets agitated. I tend to just go to sleep early but didn't today as DC don't have to get up early to go to school.

The answer is no. No one can tell me to be in bed at 9pm. Don't even think about it.

Let him make his threats. He’s being controlling and weird. I bet he wouldn’t admit to doing this to people outside of your house because it’s mad.

So he needs to go live in a shed /doorway /park.. Or wear buds for bed...

Soundproof his bedroom, sorry it's ridiculous to make you go to bed so early

What a self-centred arse. How can you bear him?

So “do it my way or I’ll make life very difficult for everyone” you know what that’s called and it’s utterly unacceptable in any relationship. He need to deal with his “agitation” better known as coercive control.

Thought it's not normal but I am sometimes not sure. he can be very overpowering. I am sleeping on the sofa now as he got so angry I was still watching at 9:30.

That is literal madness. How dare he tell you what time to go to bed? As for the kids, my 7yo often has lights off at 9pm especially on a non school night. It's ludicrous to expect a teenager to go to bed so early.

It’s at about 9pm I can finally sit down and relax. That’s my time to kick back. I would refuse to go to bed at the same time as a fucking 12 year old.

Leaving work sounds like the empty threat of a bully