bedtime for teens. who is being unreasonable

[elfshenanigans]

DH has a stressful job and needs his sleep. I work part time but still stressful. I am also the primary carer for our DC (teens with SN, aged 15 and 17). I do almost all the school runs, cooking, cleaning etc. DH gets up early to go to the office gym and he needs his sleep. He doesn't like if the DC and I watch TV or are up late. He demands that all phones are off by 9 pm and that everyone (including me) is in bed. It causes regular arguments. The DC are off school now for Xmas and I was watching a movie with DC1 and we had to stop. Is this normal? I think it's too early esp in the school hols. What is normal for others?

Of course it’s not normal. Sorry but he can’t control the whole house like that.

That’s mental. Don’t be a wuss. Tell him you’ll go to bed when you want to.

Is he neurodiverse? Does he have a good pair of earplugs? He needs to sort something else out so he can sleep...white noise machine / earplugs / separate bedrooms etc. Very few people could go to sleep at 9pm, it's even harder for teenagers.

Regardless of the teens (which I think is mad enough) who the hell does he think he is tk demand what time another adult goes to bed? If he’s a light sleeper who needs his sleep then HE needs to find a way to do that, he cannot just insist the whole house goes to bed at a time that suits him.

I think I'd rather he leave work / leave him / move house than live like this! It's like prison!!!

Call his bluff

Does he have similar SN to your dc?

So because he wants to go to the gym at the crack of dawn everyone has to revolve their sleep schedule around him? That's insane.

It's quite possible that if your teens did extracurriculars like cadets or scouts that they wouldn't even be finished by 9pm.

It's fair enough for him to go to bed and possibly for him to ask for everyone else to be considerate and get ready for bed so they aren't banging around but to be in bed with lights out is ridiculous.

Are you allowed to read? I expect not.

Anyone trying to dictate my time to suit them I'd be contemplating leaving, what else does he rule? How is dinnertime etc?

Oh how I'd laugh if my dh tried to tell me when to go to bed. Tell him to get some earplugs which is what I do when I have work the next day and the kids are off.

Of course it’s not normal. He sounds controlling and domineering. Does he control your behaviour in other ways? What you’re describing has the hallmarks of an abusive relationship.

no he is not. the teens are. one with HFA and one with LFA...

Well he sounds like a prize. WTAF?

light needs to be off. Phone downstairs.

But he’s not even going straight to work, he’s going to the gym first! It’s completely abnormal and borderline abusive to make you all go to bed at 9pm. He’s not the master of you so stop letting him act like he is.

I mean it wouldn’t bother me because I love an early night but that’s entirely NOT the point! He can go to bed whatever time he wants, he can’t dictate what time others have to go to bed. He is BVU

So what happens if you don’t go to bed - what does agitated and overbearing look and sound like?

Do you all live in one room? Why does it matter when you go to bed?

He can go when he wants. As long as you aren't turning all the lights on, playing a trombone and then tossing and turning in bed for 30 minutes at 3am why 'can't' you go to bed later?

He is deluded and needs to get over himself. And get some earplugs. Its not relevant if he is ND as he is an adult and should have coping mechanisms in place. If he can hold down a full time job he can deal with his own bedtime.

It could also be FOMO. Whatever it is, he is a douchecanoe.

He needs to get a talk of real life.

If your husband is this rigid then he is either autistic himself without a diagnosis as your sons are, or he is abusive. Either way I'd be putting in some hard boundaries or leaving this is not ok.

he doesn't have SN, he isn't ND. Not sure why everyone is equating an unpleasant trait with SN/ND. Both of the the DC are ND and are the kindest souls there are.

could people please stop suggesting he may be autistic whenever they dislike certain things people do? He is NT, not ND. And being ND doesn't mean you are not nice to other people! Regret I posted now.

Why would you all still being up mean he can’t go to sleep?

People are suggesting it because of his rigidity and unwillingness to deviate from a schedule.
And autism has a strong genetic link.

From 13, mine did activities that didn't even end until 10pm!

I'm single but even if I lived with someone, I would not be told a bedtime. That's not normal? And I think by 15, they were self regulating their own sleep patterns too.

Absolutely insanely not normal. Highly controlling and I imagine everyone is miserable