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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mildly annoyed by people who don’t know what they would like for Christmas?

206 replies

MyNewWife · 21/12/2024 22:18

Or birthday…

Unashamedly materialistic, my Pintrest Wanties board is always full with clothes, cosmetics, homewares etc. I always have a list of places I would like to visit and food or drink to try. Books to read, performances to attend, museums and exhibitions and so on. Life would feel dull and uninspiring for me without having something to look DP forward to and I also truly enjoy picking good items and looking after them. And I treat myself all the time, so it’s not a scenario opposite to “I just buy myself what I want, so I just don’t know what I want now”

I can’t understand how people in my close circle say “I am not sure” or “I don’t really know” when asked if there is anything special they would enjoy as a gift from me. It’s not being polite or modest. They genuinely seem not to have a clue. Would love to hear from someone’s who can’t name a present - what actually happens in your world, are you really content to the point of being happy to receive whatever? Or is a hint that you want cash?

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 21/12/2024 22:20

Wanties? 🤢

stayathomer · 21/12/2024 22:22

I’m the type that gets a gift voucher for a shop I love and immediately can’t think of what I’d get. I just go blank!

Original poster
MyNewWife · 21/12/2024 22:22

Wanties, yes. Things I want in life. I can see how the infantile name may irritate some.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyNewWife · 21/12/2024 22:25

@stayathomer see, at any time I have some items in a basket at my favourite stores. It can take me years to actually order, but the wish list is at the ready.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 21/12/2024 22:25

I'm not materialistic and don't do 'stuff', so I'd somewhat struggle. But if you have a agreed amount to spend, the only thing I'd ask for are theatre vouchers. Do they want to exchange gifts, or are they hinting to stop?

Flyonthewall01 · 21/12/2024 22:26

I’m well paid so I do literally buy / do whatever I want rather than having to wait 🤷‍♀️ there’s genuinely nothing I particularly want for Christmas or birthday. It’s definitely not a hint for money

Original poster
MyNewWife · 21/12/2024 22:27

I don’t think they would like to stop as they often ask first, and are close family. I have stopped asking first because the “I don’t know” sometimes feels almost dismissive, though I am sure not intended as such.

OP posts:
RomainingToBeSeen · 21/12/2024 22:30

I know that I am difficult to buy for as I'm pretty fussy. But I could tell you brands that I like or things that I would always be grateful to receive as gifts ranging from £5 to £500.

I would always prefer to get people things that they like/want/need rather than random shite so yes, it is frustrating when close family members and friends can't even give a vague idea of what they might appreciate.

Mandylovescandy · 21/12/2024 22:30

I just don't want any more stuff. Experiences maybe but tricky to fit in sometimes with young kids. Love books but happy to borrow from library. Guess it depends on budget as well as I wouldn't like to ask for anything expensive

paranoiaofpufflings · 21/12/2024 22:30

If I want something I buy it for myself, I can afford to and I'm happy to. So if someone asked me to choose a gift I wouldn't know what to choose. I would be embarrassed if someone gave me money instead of a gift though, I have plenty of my own. Gift-giving is so much nicer to me when the giver spends some time thinking of the recipient and choosing something for them.

Imissmypuppy · 21/12/2024 22:33

I can't think of anything I'd like to delegate to someone else to buy on my behalf - generally I'd rather people didn't try to guess what I like - I don't find gifts to be full of the joy they are often promised to be. And I don't want a voucher except to M&S or JLP so I can't get rid of it quickly on the weekly shop.

nosyupnorth · 21/12/2024 22:33

Ah but there's a difference between stuff I'd put on a pinterest wishlist and stuff I'd actually want someone to give me. 101 kitchen gadgets and appliances are all well and good in a fantasy life, but in reality I don't have the space to put them, etc etc.

Butchyrestingface · 21/12/2024 22:36

I exist on a higher plane and have no notion of corporeal er, wanties, these days ...

No, actually, I'm a recovering hoarder so avoid looking at 'stuff' online. 😀 I'd fall into the 'not a clue' camp these days. The last thing I need is more stuff to clutter up my home.

An experiential gift would be acceptable. But people (including me) often don't think along those lines when it comes to gifting.

ForPearlViper · 21/12/2024 22:37

I know I am difficult to buy for. I would be very wary of telling anyone what I want without providing a direct link (which often seems rude) and I don't want them wasting their money. And I'm not necessarily sure what I want.

I love a gift card - I really do. When the shops are quiet after New Year and things might be still discounted, I love mooching around with no stress with money in my pocket. And I always tell the giver exactly what I bought and express my gratitude for it.

Katy232425 · 21/12/2024 22:38

There’s genuinely nothing I want. Presents aren’t my love language anyway and if I want something I’ll buy it myself. I’m generally not that interested in material possessions or collating lists of new stuff to do or buy though and I don’t want to do the sorts of balloon rides or afternoon teas or spa days that often form experience vouchers. I’m pretty content and happy with my existing life.

I’m not trying to be annoying and I won’t be hurt or upset to receive nothing or a charity donation gift or a generic box of chocolates. Like I said, presents are not my love language.

I absolutely am not hinting I want cash!

Needanewname42 · 21/12/2024 22:38

Theater tickets would be lovely but they aren't cheap and nobody really wants to go alone so really it's two tickets and then it becomes a £££ gift.
If they are a couple with young kids then it also involves babysitters. Not everyone has free babysitters, so really it becomes a pricey night out.

The budget stuff that you could probably ask for is the same stuff you'd buy yourself.

Although I've just realised why my mum always asked for Chocolates, lowish budget and not something you'd buy yourself.

Anywherebuthere · 21/12/2024 22:39

Somehow the gift loses its appeal if I have to tell the giver what I want. No idea why.

I think it's because it loses the surprise element of it.

Behindthethymes · 21/12/2024 22:39

I have a couple of people in my circle whose concept of a gift is something they wouldn’t buy for themselves, and preferably something they haven’t even thought of.

Their delight when they get such a gift is lovely, but it’s such a pressure to put on people twice a year, year in year out,

I on the other hand know what I’d like but it’s usually useful things rather than frivolities. And I get met with “that’s not a gift - you could buy that for yourself”.

superplumb · 21/12/2024 22:42

There is nothing I'm really wanting this year. I just buy myself what I want if I want or need it. I'd rather people jist thought for themselves rather than me tell them.

Wincher · 21/12/2024 22:43

I just find it stressful - it’s hard enough thinking what to buy for everyone else and give all the family appropriate, budget-specific, non-overlapping ranges of ideas for things to buy for the kids without having to sodding say what I want too. I think I’m pretty easy to buy for - would be delighted with chocolates, gin, chunky earrings, etc.
I do think it’s a shame that the whole sphere of books/dvds/cds that used to be good low ish budget things to ask for and give is disappearing. Less so with books, but I mostly just read on my kindle now!

ThisCosyAquaHiker · 21/12/2024 22:44

There really aren't many things I specifically want.

And I do agree with others that the gifter should be the person selecting the gift - e.g. it being the thought that counts.

AbbieLexie · 21/12/2024 22:49

At my age I can just buy what I want! Gift buyers often don't want to buy what I want as they don\t see it as a gift.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 21/12/2024 22:50

I couldn’t think of anything I would want if asked, if I want or need something I buy it, I wouldn’t add it to a wish list. The only scenario in which I wouldn’t buy something is if it was expensive, but I don’t have many people I would expect to buy me a pricey gift.

I will add I’m not very materialistic. I’m not into clothes, make up, cosmetics, jewellery or homeware. I don’t buy brands. If I want something I can buy it because the stuff I want is rarely pricey. I don’t tend to window shop or surf the internet looking for stuff I don’t need and don’t intend to buy, so I don’t have a wish list of stuff. I’m not particularly into art or ornaments or keepsakes. I do read but mostly books that catch my eye in the library, I don’t keep up to date with new titles and couldn’t name a book I want to read but don’t own or have reserved at the library. I don’t go out often, not keen on the theatre or museums, and I’m single so wouldn’t have somebody to take to a lot of experiences. I do like going to gigs but if a band I like is playing near me I’d probably already have bought the tickets. In most cases tbh if I want something I will have bought it.

Obviously there is stuff that I like and there probably is stuff I want and don’t own yet but I don’t have a list of that stuff (mental or physical) so couldn’t easily bring it to mind, and it’s certainly not extensive.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 21/12/2024 22:51

I'm another who can buy what I want when I want (within reason!) So when DH asked what I want for Christmas I told him "nothing" and meant it.

But he wants to buy me something so I've asked for John Lewis vouchers. I'm sure I'll find something!

Cooriedoon · 21/12/2024 22:54

Fucking hell.
To me a gift is something someone has chosen to gift you, not something you've chosen yourself. I can buy things I want.
I never ask others what they'd like. If I'm buying you a gift I know you well enough to choose something I know you'd love. If you can't think of anything to buy me then don't.
But I am the least materialistic person and I don't really appreciate more stuff.