To be mildly annoyed by people who don’t know what they would like for Christmas?

[MyNewWife]

Or birthday…

Unashamedly materialistic, my Pintrest Wanties board is always full with clothes, cosmetics, homewares etc. I always have a list of places I would like to visit and food or drink to try. Books to read, performances to attend, museums and exhibitions and so on. Life would feel dull and uninspiring for me without having something to look DP forward to and I also truly enjoy picking good items and looking after them. And I treat myself all the time, so it’s not a scenario opposite to “I just buy myself what I want, so I just don’t know what I want now”

I can’t understand how people in my close circle say “I am not sure” or “I don’t really know” when asked if there is anything special they would enjoy as a gift from me. It’s not being polite or modest. They genuinely seem not to have a clue. Would love to hear from someone’s who can’t name a present - what actually happens in your world, are you really content to the point of being happy to receive whatever? Or is a hint that you want cash?

For me it’s genuinely what I do want might be out of budget. I appreciate everything i get

YABU
I don't care about cosmetics, need to try my clothes on first (and find quite stressful when someone gives me clothes which is half fitting and expect me to pretend I'm grateful) and I'm paying for my own travelling.

The best gifts for me is someone's personal recommendation, something they swear by and see as a good fit for me. Not someone buying an object from my list.

@MyNewWife I have several Pinterest Wantie boards, there's one for me of things or fabrics or decor ideas, clothes, etc, another similar for garden, a recipes board, a boring one for stuff like frying pans or washing machines or cleaning products, and another for gift ideas for other people.

I never ask people what they want. The fun is in working out what they didn't realise they wanted.

When people are not materialistic and are used to covering their own purchases, they might not have anything in mind to tell you.

That's really sweet. Time is a wonderful gift. Even going for coffee is appreciated by people on their own.

I’m one of those people and it is because I wish people would respect my wishes and not get me anything or if I do say something, don’t class it as not a real/proper present.

My SIL told us she hadn’t got me a present yet and I told her great, please don’t get me anything. She insisted and said something like a hand cream. She rather buy me something for Christmas than respect my wishes of nothing. She has never bought me anything for my birthday but Christmas I must be given a gift. I’m not a Christmas person, and people ignoring me not wanting anything doesn’t make it better. I messaged back some type of cheap chocolate you can get at any shop (not a fan of chocolate but I do like a specific type that I eat over Christmas ) in hopes I don’t end up with bloody hand cream.

I’m annoyed by people who cannot respect the request of nothing. It shows it isn’t about the receiver at all, but about the giver.

Time is a wonderful gift

Completely agree. I’ve actually asked for 60-90 minutes of someone’s time and was told they wanted to buy me something instead. Definitely, didn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I dislike telling people what to buy me (apart from my husband as he tends to be awful at choosing anything i like / would wear or want).

I like the surprise and if it's given to a close person then you should at least know what they may appreciate, if unsure then just gift something like chocolates or flowers.

I do ask my family what their young children would like or what they are into.

I think it is odd to ask close family or friends what they want me to buy them!

It's funny you say this, because only today I bought a present for someone's 80th, without a clue as to whether or not she'd like it, and felt almost like I'd put nothing into it from me. That was until I went to collect it from the only branch of Argos that had it in stock, and spent over an hour & half in the car doing a journey of less than seven miles each way, albeit through the absolute mayhem of a busy city filled with people who've never heard of the highway code, let alone read it. By the time I got back, my life was two hours shorter and my nerves in shreds. Thus, I felt a lot of me went into the gift as I handed it over this evening.

Agree. But even more, I don't want more stuff.

I used to be that annoying person.

Every year my DCs and I do a Christmas Eve gift exchange and around the end of November they start asking what I'd like. This year I had my answers ready within a day or so. In previous years I would have dithered and felt awkward providing a list. I learned my lesson when one DC turned the tables on me and didn't come up with any suggestions until the week before Christmas.

I think the problem with me was being trained as a child that "gimme never gets". It always felt grabby.

I hate the idea of people spending money on me.
I don't spend money on myself, I don't expect or want other people to.
I don't want vouchers, because I won't go out and spend them.
I don't want people to waste money on something I don't want, it's not to be annoying.
I literally don't want anything!

I agree OP - I have loads of things that I’d like, and happily give out suggestions when asked! It’s generally things that I wouldn’t normally treat myself to - for example I’d like to try M&S mince pie liqueur but don’t want to spend £20 out of our weekly food budget. I was telling MIL, and she has kindly bought me a bottle for my present.

I can only pronounce Wanties in my head the same way I would pronounce panties 🤢 (not that I’ve ever said it).

Another one who just buys what I want. I hate getting gifts that someone else has chosen without my input as invariably they’re just crap and clutter that I don’t want. Honestly I’d rather get nothing and would tell that to the person asking what I wanted. Or if they kept insisting, cash.

ETA that if I wanted to get someone a gift and they said they didn’t know/there’s nothing they want I’d take that at face value and not get them anything. You’re probably annoying them OP by asking.

1. I hate making demands of other people. 2. I'm not materialistic so don't have a long list of 'wants' in mind. 3. If I want/need something, I buy it. I have all I want/need. 4. I value gifts that are from the heart or that the person thought of themselves.

id like £300,000GBP

Same here. If I want something, I generally just buy it.

I think you're missing the point of Christmas presents

I'm the reverse - I find it insulting when people ask me that question because if they know me well enough to buy me a present, they know me well enough to know what I like.

So I answer "I don't know" to stop them being lazy.

If you don't know someone's favourite drink or snack/s or activity or places they would reasonably/like to visit you could get a gift voucher to, you must be buying for a complete stranger.

Having said that, I could confidently buy a present for a completely random person, that I know they'd love, given 5 minutes to look at their social media.

I'm this person. Not really into 'stuff'. Buy myself anything I want/need as I want/need it. If a friend asked me what I wanted as a gift, I would almost certainly have no idea.

With that said I absolutely love getting surprise gifts/Christmas/birthday prezzies...it's the thought that counts right?

I've had some of the most wonderful, thoughtful presents over the years...cheap, expensive, bought, made...it's the fact that the giver has thought about the item and that it would be useful to me or make me happy that counts, and that's what I appreciate.

I agree with you, OP. I have some close family members that insist on being given ideas for gifts to purchase for others (which I find strange to begin with), but struggle to provide gift ideas for what they’d like themselves. It baffles me. I am lucky to be able to purchase most things I want or need, and yet I also have a ready supply of ideas of foods, books, and other items that I would enjoy being given as a gift.

I'm currently like this. Even though I don't buy a lot for myself and I do see stuff I'd like but can't afford right now because we're prioritising others things, I don't keep a list that I will tell someone.

I think it's because I will like something precise and tell someone and find they usually give a variation instead that I don't like as much (or at all). eg I LOVED some Creuset mugs and my DH gave me a random butterfly mug. He did the same when I asked for a large velvet navy cushion -- 2 small random cream ones. It's then more obvious when I give that thing away and go out and buy myself the thing I actually wanted.

It's lazy and shoulders the responsibility on the receiver by asking them what they want. I say nothing and mean it.

I am that person. I never want anything, because if I did I'd have already bought it. And I don't buy that much, because I am not particularly materialistic.

I am one of these people. Things I want either fall into the category of things I can buy for myself, or things I don't have the money or time to do. If it's not in my budget it's not in DP's budget and obviously I wouldn't ask a friend to buy it for me. If someone can figure out a way to gift more hours in the day and more days in the week I'm all ears. Until then there isn't really anything I want that I haven't bought for myself.

I also have a big list of exhibitions, concerts, restaurants, holidays etc I want to do but I can't say I identify with that dramatic "life would be so empty without anything booked in the calendar" feeling. That makes it seem like your life is already empty and you're just running after things to fill the void.