To be mildly annoyed by people who don’t know what they would like for Christmas?

[MyNewWife]

Or birthday…

Unashamedly materialistic, my Pintrest Wanties board is always full with clothes, cosmetics, homewares etc. I always have a list of places I would like to visit and food or drink to try. Books to read, performances to attend, museums and exhibitions and so on. Life would feel dull and uninspiring for me without having something to look DP forward to and I also truly enjoy picking good items and looking after them. And I treat myself all the time, so it’s not a scenario opposite to “I just buy myself what I want, so I just don’t know what I want now”

I can’t understand how people in my close circle say “I am not sure” or “I don’t really know” when asked if there is anything special they would enjoy as a gift from me. It’s not being polite or modest. They genuinely seem not to have a clue. Would love to hear from someone’s who can’t name a present - what actually happens in your world, are you really content to the point of being happy to receive whatever? Or is a hint that you want cash?

I think if you have to ask people what they want you don’t know them very well. If someone asks me, I feel like saying “don’t bother!”

My family and friends know I love books, painting, swimming and certain smellies. They don’t need to ask me what I want.

Yes it’s frustrating, Op. Especially when these people also ask you for gift ideas for yourself, but can’t give back anything in return. I’m lucky to be a high earner and can mostly buy myself what I want when I want. But I also like saving and investing so don’t always buy decadent items if it feels overly frivolous. Therefore it’s the fun and frivolous items that are often on my list - lil the £72 La Mer lip gloss I had in my advent calendar today. Or a bottle of Te Koko, which I love but feels excessive to buy myself with a Saturday night takeaway.

I don't want anything. I hate being bought anything. So if you asked me I would say I want nothing. Which is a more direct way than saying I don't know. There's loads of stuff I want, I just don't like presents.

It truly fucks me off when people ask what I'd like because if I have to spoon feed someone I may aswell just buy whatever it is for myself. It's a really lazy way of gift giving that lacks the thoughtfulness that I appreciate.

Even if I did want anything it’s finding the time with a young family (so never) to use/spend/do the present. It’s the stage of life I’m at.
That said, what I truly want just for a single Christmas is to not have to think about everything I need to buy or do for everyone else, and then also have to think about what others should buy me too.
There you go, OP. Give them the gift of not having to do your thinking for you.

It is a bit frustrating - obviously MUCH easier to just click a link and know it is something the person wants BUT I struggle to know what to suggest quite often, as I am not materialistic like you.

YABU to use the non word 'wanties' .

YABU to not be able to understand that some people just don't want more 'stuff' for the sake of it.

I really don’t want or need anything so I do struggle to think and honestly I’m not particularly interested in getting any gifts.
but people often get me flowers, chocolates, a bottle of gin etc. I’m always happy with consumables as I don’t want more stuff

Totally agree. But what is off the scale annoying is when they ask for a list, one is provided, and then they completely ignore it & get something utterly random.

I can’t think of anything I want. Generally if I want something, I buy it. If there’s a show I want to see (and I have childcare!) I buy tickets. My house is already fairly full of stuff and I don’t want to add to it.
If someone really wants to buy me a gift, I don’t want to do all the work.

If you don't know somebody well enough to choose a gift for them why would you even bother? Doesn't it take the fun out of it for you to ask?

You see, if I’m close enough to someone to give them a Christmas gift, I’ll know what to get them. I can’t ‘ask’ them, it would be as if they’re placing an order. Where’s the thought, the surprise element? My kids have never made a Christmas list, I love finding cute, thoughtful or funny things for each of them and ‘collecting’ them starting around November.

Was going to say exactly this!
I’m not bothered about enforced gift giving seasons, it’s nicer when someone just randomly sees something that reminds them of me and drops it in and stops for a cuppa, those are really thoughtful.
I don’t really want ‘stuff’, don’t like ornaments or anything that doesn’t have a proper use, consumables are preferable as I don’t need to find somewhere to put it.

if I’ve got to send someone a link to a present of something I would have bought myself I’d be annoyed - put some thought into it or just genuinely save your dosh. I can and do buy what I want.

If people ever ask me what I’d like I always say I don’t know, mostly because I’m quite picky about what and how much I bring into my home but also because I don’t know what people want to spend. Don’t want to say a £150 jumper because the person might have only wanted to spend £50. Just a bit awkward.

Wanties 😂😂

This is me. Firstly because I have used up all my mental power thinking of what to buy my DC and DH, then having to think of gifts idea for my DC from my entire family with appropriate budget for each person, then think of gifts for various family members. Two of my DC also have birthdays in December so by the time I get to Christmas I'm sick of the thought of present buying. I don't then want to spent even more time trying to figure out an appropriate gift for someone to give me, again figuring out what budget range to ask within and how easy it is for them to buy etc. Basically it is all WORK.

Secondly, I'm a minimalist at heart and find having lots of stuff stresses me out so I don't want things hanging around unless it's something I really love. What I would really like is to be able to relax. So something like a spa day or massage or someone to take us out for dinner so I don't have to meal plan, shop and cook. But that is all too expensive and too much to ask for so I can't come up with anything.

In the end I usually ask for something boring and useful like thermal vests or a pair of gloves because I have to say something.

I think asking for stuff feels rude and would hate to feel presumptuous about how much they would be up for spending. I hate gift lists for this reason and when people ask for vouchers also just feels mercenary.

I'm not very big into "stuff", have more than I want already, and also buy what I want for me when I want it, or actively choose not to because it's not overall worth it, or something similar where "yeah, that'd be nice but more in fantasy than reality".

Definitely not a hint for cash.

What I would like is someone finding a fun experience or new restaurant I haven't tried or something like that to take me out to. Not vouchers for it though, just them saying "I'd like to take you out, how does this sound on that day?" I value the spending time with people and the connection.
I do it for friends quite often and seems to go down quite well. But depends what your price points are.

Oh and it’s never a hint for cash.

YANBU. I ask everyone to give me a list. I hate guessing and it's so wasteful to get it wrong. It's way more fun to see their faces on Christmas day when they are given something they really really want. We're not a very materialistic family, I just hate junk and waste.

By your own admission, you are very materialistic.

I think for most people, the exchanging of gifts is meant to be an exercise in thoughtfulness, as a way of showing you care.

What you seem to want (everyone telling each other what to buy) isn't really gift-giving, its just everyone mutually appointing each other as the middle-man in doing their own shopping (giving the vague appearance of gift-giving but with no thought, surprise or care).

Exactly this. I’m not materialistic, so obviously will have a different attitude to gift giving/receiving to the OP. For me it’s about showing thought and care, not just buying someone something that by their own admission they could just buy for themselves if they wanted to.

Totally get this. Sometimes I say "a surprise ". I do mean this. I tend to know what most gifts are. The thing I really like is a surprise.

I have a million things that I want, but I’d struggle with telling anyone but DH.

It seems rude to me to ask for something (we never did Christmas lists as children, so I still struggle with the concept). And I don’t know their budget, or whether they’ll go to the right place to get it. And it seems really rude to say ‘I love this thing here, but make sure it’s this exact one, because this nearly identical thing is horrible and I hate it’.

Gift giving is one of the most stressful parts of Christmas.

How much to spend, OTT or stingy?

What to get?
Clothes are hard, you don't want to get the size wrong too small won't fit, too big 'do they really think I'm that fat?'
Books aren't easy to choose.
DVDs / CD are no longer available thing.
Tickets aren't easy.

I don't know what I'd ask for that's of a giftable cost. I don't need stuff. I've got a hobby but buy bits for it as I need them.

Best gift was tonight when kids surprised us with money to go out for dinner and they cooked tea for my Dad (who has dementia and lives with us).

And the other thing is that the things I do want, that I can’t afford to just buy for myself, are far too expensive to ask someone else to buy for me.