To be mildly annoyed by people who don’t know what they would like for Christmas?

[MyNewWife]

Or birthday…

Unashamedly materialistic, my Pintrest Wanties board is always full with clothes, cosmetics, homewares etc. I always have a list of places I would like to visit and food or drink to try. Books to read, performances to attend, museums and exhibitions and so on. Life would feel dull and uninspiring for me without having something to look DP forward to and I also truly enjoy picking good items and looking after them. And I treat myself all the time, so it’s not a scenario opposite to “I just buy myself what I want, so I just don’t know what I want now”

I can’t understand how people in my close circle say “I am not sure” or “I don’t really know” when asked if there is anything special they would enjoy as a gift from me. It’s not being polite or modest. They genuinely seem not to have a clue. Would love to hear from someone’s who can’t name a present - what actually happens in your world, are you really content to the point of being happy to receive whatever? Or is a hint that you want cash?

Honestly, i worry my taste is too "expensive" and feel greedy asking!
I'm a perfume and jewellery girl, specifically blue diamonds on silver colour metals, and Dior poison range perfumes. Of course i especially like the variants or older formulas that are out of production, some by 15 years, so its extortionate Ebay prices.
I save up and buy those things for myself, or use birthday/christmas money towards them. I'd never directly ask anyone for anything over £20.

I am the same ... there is nothing I genuinely want that I can't buy for myself ... I'm not into jewellery, clothes, make up, perfume etc. I like books but I use the library or charity shop.

Another issue is that often what you might want is not seen as a 'proper' present, one year I posted on here about a really good saucepan my husband had bought me (at my request) and the response was horror that it wasn't a 'proper' present.

I genuinely like charity donation gifts ... but a lot of people sneer at them ... or what I'd love is someone to take my car to be valeted or do it themselves..... I even asked my adult DS last night for a car valet service but doubt he will do it .

Anyway, at last I have agreed with all the present givers in my life that 'nothing' really means 'nothing' and I am very happy about it. My DH is generous and would buy me anything ... but I don't need to unwrap a present on 25 December to feel loved or appreciated.

Not everyone is materialistic, I'm not and the worst question for me is "what do you want for christmas" because the genuine answer is nothing, I'm not going to sit there thinking of what I want when asked it either because there isn't anything I really want enough for someone to pay money for it, as far as I'm concerned I already have everything I want and need, I usually end up with pj's or socks which I'm fine with, I'd also be equally fine if I didn't get anything at all

Even with my sister I feel a bit strange saying what I want when she asks (and she is pretty direct). I know I could list at least five things that she could buy but I don’t know her budget and don’t want her to feel obligated. So I’m likely one of these annoying people too saying I don’t know lol.

This.

I'm not that into "stuff" really, but if there's something I want/need then I'd rather choose and buy it myself. I don't maintain an ongoing wish list or have items sat in a basket anywhere because what would be the point, if I don't want them enough to buy them there and then?

Me too

I wont get any gifts (visitors will bring lovely food and drink). My husband’s brother refused to stop presents when all other adults did a few years ago (he agreed but still gets them) and so there will be a generic joint gift

we have shared money and always have had and so no need to buy gifts for the sake of it

as an adult I can’t imagine giving anyone a gift list. Im not a child writing to Santa

my parents will be giving me cash which I know asi set up the payments for entire family

doesnt bother me at all

I’m with you - but I have to admit struggling to find things I’m happy for others to buy me.

I’ve been fortunate with my career, and combined with other factors have more disposable income than some of my close family. I have a lengthy wish list of stuff I’d like but can’t justify spending the money on - but also wouldn’t be comfortable naming for others as it sits above my idea of a reasonable price for a gift. I note down reasonably priced things through the year as my solution.

Nice necessities is one option I take for people who can’t/don’t name things. At least it’ll be something they’ll use! Admittedly this is easier with family with tight budgets so nice toiletries or nice coffee is a treat.

I don't like clutter. It's actually annoying when people don't respect that I actively do not want random crap.

I'd be perfectly happy to receive the things I do regularly use e.g. the moisturiser I use daily, but a lot of people don't deem that a suitable gift because it's not a luxury item - therefore what "I don't know" means is I don't want anything that you'd deem acceptable but you're so incapable of understanding that people are different to you, it's not worth me telling you that again (and probably ending up being insulted by you)

I don't think I could name a thing I want either and I wouldn't want to as that would take away the appeal of the gift. If I have to say exactly what they should buy me I might as well just get it myself. The gifts I do enjoy receiving are small but luxurious things. That could be an expensive olive oil, well made chocolates, a posh candle, a fun bowl, a soft blanket, a piece of black rock salt or similar. Basically just things that I would never think I need (because I don't) but that is still fun to get. The main thing though is that it needs to be a surprise, otherwise I'm just giving them a shopping list.

I grew up being told that it was the height of rudeness to ever ask for anything. Even a santa letter was not really viewed positively.

So yes, I find it really very hard to ask for things for myself.

I do appreciate gifts though. Particularly useful things for the house or consumable things. My MIL got me a set of colourful bowls one year that I love.

Because I care about what a person wants. And asking is often a way to elicit that information. It can help point me in the direction of stuff/experiences they like the idea of. In my family gifts often provide things people need or everyday items as well as luxuries.

I ask because if my mum wants something but can’t/won’t buy for herself then I’d like to make her happy by getting it. Or if my nieces and nephews interests have changed in the last year (or month) I want to get something that will make them smile now not what they were into 6 months ago.

Because sometimes you know someone is into something without knowing precisely what they’d like and so asking means you can get it right. Because it helps me avoid buying the almost but not quite right option.

I’ve asked my family what they’d like. I’ve gotten incredibly specific requests from some and vague I’m interested in stuff in this area from others. I’ve selected something on theme with the requests but have mostly still been making choices. I hope they’re happy with what I’ve got - but without that guidance I know there’d be a lot more need to appreciate the thought since the gift itself has been off.

Why not suggest meeting them for a coffee, meal or beer instead of swapping gifts? A lot of people are not really into presents.

This is me, OP. I'm not very materialistic, I don't like having loads of "stuff" and I'm not really into shopping. I know I'm hard to buy for and I feel a bit bad about that, but it's just how I am 🤷‍♀️

I know my family well enough to know they would like something for their hobbies but I know nothing about golf/clay pigeon shooting/fishing and my brothers know nothing about horse riding. Unless we asked each other we'd likely end up giving each other utterly useless stuff or duplicates of stuff we already have abd don't want more of.

Wanties isn't a word and would irritate most people I'd think.
Also, not everyone is materialistic and some folk just genuinely don't want/need other folk to buy them stuff - I'm kind of like that. I buy/save for what I need myself.

Depends who asks me.
The things I want are generally more expensive versions of every day things. So fancier chocolate or biscuits or hand soap or a reed diffuser.
My sister I know roughly her budget and that she would buy exactly what I wanted, so no issue asking her.
My mum would buy the cheaper version that I could just buy myself.
One SIL and PIL don’t consider those things presents, so wouldn’t buy them.
The other SIL doesn’t have the money to spend.
DH thinks expensive versions are a waste of money so I wouldn’t ask him for them either!

There are lots of things I want and would love to have. But I live in a tiny house and don't have space for them. Even if I got rid of a lot of stuff I already have, I would still struggle to fit some of the things I'd like in and of course then I'd be without things I already have and use.

I struggle when people ask what I want because of this. Generally now I ask for either gift experiences, toiletries (from specific brands I can actually use), or things that can be eaten. Otherwise I just can't fit them in. Even then, I'm only really suggesting gift ideas to make other people feel better as they want to give gifts, it's not because these are things I really want and wouldn't otherwise get to have.

In reality, it'd be so much better if people just saved their money rather than spend it on gifts just because it's a certain time of year.

Well, you say unashamedly that you are materialistic. Stuff makes you happy.
I am not materialistic, stuff is just stuff to me.
And while there are items and experiences that I would like and enjoy, these things are limited, and often quite expensive. In my life, gifts from family and friends cost around £20-£30. There is a limited range of stuff in this price bracket that I want or need. Only so many candles, scarves, jewellery boxes etc. I don’t read much.
So when people ask me what I want, I find it hard to pick something reasonable to ask for.

Asking for what people want for Christmas (or birthdays etc) takes away the point of gift giving.

If there's something I've seen that I want or need, I'll usually just decide whether I want it enough to buy it for myself (and I can't stand clutter in my home, so I don't want lots of stuff just for the sake of it).

However, when I'm looking for gifts, I love spending the time looking through things to find stuff I know the other person would love, but wouldn't necessarily buy for themselves. Isn't that the whole point? I only buy for very close friends and family and I neither expect nor give massively expensive gifts. It's the time, effort and thought put into it which makes giving and receiving a gift a joy.

You have a list of things you want, but don't you think I'd someone else on the run up to Christmas and make a similar list for them if items you've seen and know they would love?

• i genuinely don't have a list of things I'd like to buy. Possibly because if I really wanted something that was an appropriate amount for a present the I'd have already got it. But I don't buy a lot of stuff and if I had eg £200 to spend right this minute I can't think of anything I'd want to go and buy.

But budget is probably relevant, if i had unlimited funds (and therefore had no job so loads of free time to use things and a massive house to put them in) im sure I'd think of things, but I would never suggest a gift for more than £20-30, maybes £40-50 if it was my parents. But mainly, I find it hard enough finding presents for other people, why should choosing my own presents be added to my stress list? When did it become normal to give people shopping lists? I get wishlists for ideas can be useful, but ultimately the responsibility for finding and choosing a present is on the giver. If I have to think what I want most (or just SOMETHING i might want to stop you asking) and find a link for you then I might as well just buy it for myself.

I don't want people giving me presents. Be one thing if they'd do a gift voucher for my local yarn store, because I'd definitely use that. But it's always stuff I don't want or need. Even when they give me cat-themed things, it's inevitably stuff I'd never choose myself.

I buy things I want when I want to. I don't expect, or want, anyone else to get them for me. I'm certainly not spending time making lists.

I get flustered and can't think of anything I'd like at short notice, then when I say something (usually more something I was thinking I needed) I get told its boring/not present like.

BIL insisted on getting us something so we asked for B&Q vouchers.

Asking someone to think of what present they want is shifting the mental burden/life admin of present-buying onto them. Especially if you keep pestering them after the initial “I don’t know”.

You want to buy them a present, then sit and think about what they might like /do the research yourself.

Maybe it’s a controversial view but I’m from
a “list” family, with the pressure of thinking of lists for myself and my kids for others to buy, and I don’t love it.

FYI “wanties” gave me a visceral negative reaction. Horrifying.

I'm the opposite, I'm annoyed at people who constantly ask what I want and also what dh wants, the dc want etc. None of them really want anything but people insist on buying so I have to spend hours scouring the Internet to give them ideas. If people want to be thoughtful then they need to have their own thoughts about what to buy.

I think there is a difference between asking if there is anything in particular someone would like (ooh yes, I'd love an xyz thing for my hobby, nice new gloves or whatever) and getting upset that they dont provided an itemised shopping list with links to the exact items.
Like a pp said, it's the effort of thought and researching and finding something they would love that is a real present, just buying from a list isn't much better than handing over cash, and as a receiver makes me uncomfortable. If I have to do all the thinking for it and you are basically just paying for it it feels very grabby, like I am getting someone to pay for my shopping.