To be mildly annoyed by people who don’t know what they would like for Christmas?

[MyNewWife]

Or birthday…

Unashamedly materialistic, my Pintrest Wanties board is always full with clothes, cosmetics, homewares etc. I always have a list of places I would like to visit and food or drink to try. Books to read, performances to attend, museums and exhibitions and so on. Life would feel dull and uninspiring for me without having something to look DP forward to and I also truly enjoy picking good items and looking after them. And I treat myself all the time, so it’s not a scenario opposite to “I just buy myself what I want, so I just don’t know what I want now”

I can’t understand how people in my close circle say “I am not sure” or “I don’t really know” when asked if there is anything special they would enjoy as a gift from me. It’s not being polite or modest. They genuinely seem not to have a clue. Would love to hear from someone’s who can’t name a present - what actually happens in your world, are you really content to the point of being happy to receive whatever? Or is a hint that you want cash?

Would love to hear from someone’s who can’t name a present - what actually happens in your world, are you really content to the point of being happy to receive whatever? Or is a hint that you want cash?

In my world, we just give gifts to the kids in the family. I am alway baffled by fully grown ups who need xmas gifts. I mean really? If I need something, I buy it myself. Not everyone is happy to part take in the absolute consumerist/materialist sh*it fest Xmas has become. Is this so hard to understand?

I think you have nailed it. But we also work hard to earn and I would rather get them what they truly want.

Well we dull and uninspiring types can merely look up to you shining bright with your list of wanties. Wow amazing.

I am lucky enough to be able to buy and do most things I would like, when I want to. I find it helpful to have a couple of shops that people know I love for treats, so anything from there is a good bet for a gift for me. Friends and family find that useful.

Completely agree! I know a family who all exchange very specific lists including Amazon links. What’s the point? You may as well just buy yourself something. Sorry OP but your attitude to gifts takes all the pleasure from both giving and receiving.
Also I can’t think of anything sadder in an adult than living life via a ‘ wanties ’ list. Life is not a journey through purchases.

I think you probably don't realise that many people don't browse online for stuff unless they particularly need something, I certainly don't. There are no baskets of stuff waiting for me to buy them at a later date
I also find it hard to think of something on the spot that I would like, but appreciate any gift regardless.

I don't want anything. Literally. I mean sure there's a 6 grand motorbike I'd buy if I had the spare cash and garage space but that aside there's nothing gift-value that I want. My husband hates me for it and moans relentlessly everything birthday and Xmas but frankly if I can find the time and effort to choose something for you, you should do the same for me.
Kids give lists of 'wanties' adults buy their own crap and great fully accept any crap given to them.

“I would rather get them what they truly want.”

I think you issue is you think people must be secretly yearning after things they can’t afford. You think you’re being generous.

I am not materialistic. I genuinely don’t want anything. I also earn well and could buy things if I need them, but I don’t like things and stuff (actually makes me a bit angry). My go-to gift ideas are practical things (shoes/coats) or book gift vouchers. If I REALLY got to choose what I actually wanted, it would be babysitting services, a day off work, five hours in a cafe by myself.

Sometimes what people “truly want” is a thoughtful little gift of chocs, or nice tea bags that their friend knows they like, or whatever, a “saw it and thought of you” gift that makes them feel seen. Rather than “send me a link of something up to £100 budget”.

If they don't know give money/voucher/alcohol/chocolate/toiletries

Or suggest you treat them at a later date

I'm not having anything this Christmas . My nearest & dearest have asked , but I don't need anything and told them I'd rather them save their money and not get just anything to be able to give me something . I'm perfectly happy with that .

There's a bunch of things I want, but I hate lists for Christmas and birthdays. It feels so impersonal. As already mentioned, it's not really gift giving.

If you can't think of anything meaningful to get them from you without an instruction from them, you may as well give them money. It has the same meaning as buying from a list/specific instruction, but works better as allows them to change their mind on what they want most, or put towards household bills or savings - which might be more important to them than additional items.

Like everyone else, it's not the item that matters, it's doing the thinking that's the gift. They're literally trying to make me do the difficult bit for them and that completely removes the 'gift' element. I'd really rather they got me nothing.

If someone asks me 'what do I want for Christmas' I get a sinking feeling because it's just another decision I have to make. What should I suggest off my wishlist that's appropriate in terms of budget/practicality etc, bearing in mind do I actually need/want it or if it's an experience, will I have time to do it soon?

It doesn't apply to me, or many on this thread by the sound of it, but to many, exchanging gifts with anyone other than partners and perhaps parents, traps them in to an exchange of stuff that they can't afford so the effect is that they've spent money they don't have on something they don't want or need, meaning that they can't buy the thing that they really do want/need. Martin Lewis has been trying to discourage this with his 'No Unnecessary Presents' pact, but he's been unsuccessfully banging his head against this particular wall since the credit crunch of 2007/8 as there still seems to be a huge appetite amongst many for shopping for unnecessary stuff.

I don't have 'wanties'. I'm not into clothes, cosmetics or homewares and I don't like acquiring stuff. I don't really have any hobbies so my answer is always 'I don't know' when people ask. I told DH I needed a new sports bra but he said he didn't want to buy me something like that because it's boring and functional. But I'm quite happy with boring and functional gifts- stuff I can use is what I would like.

If I REALLY got to choose what I actually wanted, it would be babysitting services, a day off work, five hours in a cafe by myself

I REALLY want a clean and tidy house that I don't have to put any effort into myself.

If only it was possible to send someone a link to make these things happen when they say 'what do you want for Christmas?'

I don't really have people who ask me what I want except DH. But I would struggle with the concept. It's very grabby. I prefer a surprise.

I dont buy myself much other than necessities so I do struggle when someone asks me what I want as a present but I'm genuinely happy with anything.... apart from a baylis and harding set or anything with lavender in it I despise both but anyone who knows me will know this 😁

Eugh. My parents & brother like specifics. Links, Pinterest boards, all that. I don't think that's the true spirit of gifting. I ask them, what are you interested in right now and run with an idea. It might be fringe, but it's relevant!

My DD said my mum, "Nana, make me something" which completely threw her, because a) there was no link to a product and b) she had to skills to make something (Mum is multi- talented with homecrafts and art) but without directions took a while to decide what to do! Luckily she's come up with something which will be a surprise on the day!

So OP, we are probably your worst nightmare, because some people don't want to order from a list, they want you to really understand them in order to buy something they might like. It's called thoughtfulness.

We're all different people. I try to eco conscious so endless wants aren't the top of my agenda. I accept it may be annoying for you but just get them all a high street gift voucher or cash.

I'm not very materialistic, have quite niche tastes and have spent the last year trying to declutter. I already have more clothes than I need and many many books I haven't read yet.

If I can't think of anything specific it isn't a hint for cash. It's possible I truly don't want anything from you (I find it stressful thinking of good gifts for others and unless you are close family would be relieved to mutually agree not to buy for each other).

Gift ideas from me are often boring practical things like a new hose.

I just rarely want anything. I don't like having much stuff, but I do like experience type presents. I think if you know someone well, you don't really need to ask. A surprise is more special to me.

I don’t have a want list either and just buy things as I need them - happy to be bought vouchers, alcohol, experiences or lego
DP is difficult as the only things he really wants are things neither of us can afford also he has a birthday near to Xmas so past few years I just buy a few small gifts and pay for a holiday

I absolutely hate been asked what I want. I hate the pressure of having to find something that I want, will appreciate and costs approximately the amount they will have budgeted, that's not urgent enough that I can want it in November but wait until Christmas, not trivial enough that they resent spending money on it but not too practical that it seems 'boring' to give. Then cross reference that against the shops that are close to their house or send them a link to somewhere they can order online with zero though.

The entire thing feels far more focused on their enjoyment at giving the gift then my enjoyment of receiving it. Not having to facilitate their gifting of me would give me far more joy them receiving the dam thing that I would have just bought months ago if I had actually wanted it.

I actually would love it if somebody knew and thought of me enough to pick something for me, but that never happens so I just end up doing double work of thinking/ shopping around for gifts for them to buy whilst also finding thoughtfully gifts for them (and doing the same again on behalf of the DC)

I will always remember FiL getting upset one Christmas as everyone had bought him booze or golf balls. These were his main interests admittedly, but us young ones couldn't afford anything he'd have preferred. But if he gave us a list we could have clubbed together on a fancy brandy or golf thing he actually would want.
I'm a list person for close family, I want the thing I want and no variation. No stuff, nothing you think i want or need or like (as you'll be wrong. I am fussy). Everyone else gets a "i don't know", and I pray I get something that the charity shop will take.

“I would rather get them what they truly want.”
I think you issue is you think people must be secretly yearning after things they can’t afford. You think you’re being generous.

@JellycatEgg is astute.

Many people - perhaps most, once we’re adults - don’t have things “they truly want”, OP.

I can give suggestions - a warm scarf, and here are my favourite colours; some unusual flower or vegetable seeds; earrings - but those are things that would be nice to receive, not things I yearn for.

The most important part is that the giver thought of me.

My brother will give extravagant gifts but only for a specific item I’ve sent a link for. My neighbour buys me something that costs about a tenner but is always really thoughtful. I appreciate hers far more.

We don't exchange gifts as adults - present giving is for children in our families and the surprise and delight they show is worth any present to the rest of us. We'll take a posh bottle or chocs if being entertained but that's it and I find the thought of one adult asking another adult for what they want and then opening it (knowing what it is) quite odd.