What time do you expect your partner home from a night out?

[Tiredmummyx]

My partner has gone on Christmas do with his work mates tonight at some pub I don’t know where. He never goes out so I’m totally fine with this.

He has been working a lot of overtime recently (12 hour shifts) and I am home with DS (2 years old) all day every day and he clings me to constantly. We don’t have anyone to have him for us so I don’t get a break.

ive been out more than DP has throughout the relationship, but not much (I can’t remember the last time I went out) and was always home around 9PM after originally going out late afternoon.

He left for the do this morning at 10.50am, and is still out now. I text him at 7:40pm after I hadn’t heard a peep from him all day (I don’t expect him to text me all day long while he’s out, but one text would have been nice) asking when he expects to be back home because I have to lock the door if I go to bed (there’s only one key). He told me he will be back in another few hours and is audibly very drunk.

Just feeling a bit pissed off. I haven’t had a break without DS for a very long time and he’s very clingy (I love him to bits) and he’s been able to go out from morning till late at night drinking while I’m still home with DS. I understand he also needs a break but where is mine? Is going out in the morning and returning home late at night when you have a 2 year old and partner unreasonable?

Sure the brigade will be along soon to call me insecure and controlling (not sure how when I left him alone all day and didn’t call him until nearly 8PM).

Also pissed off he expects me to sit up and wait for him without giving me a time, clearly late though, to let him back in, when I’m absolutely shattered.

Honest answer is when they get here.
But that's the same whenever they go out.

Why would you sit up and wait for him to come in? Just go to bed and let him come in on his own? Please tell me he has a set of keys?

When he's ready to come home and hopefully had lots of fun

He doesn’t, theres only one key at the moment as he’s left his in the house somewhere, so he wants me to stay up until whatever time he comes in, to unlock the door (or leave the door unlocked which is stupid late at night).

Get another set of keys asap. Arrange to go out when he's next got a day off.

The issue is you have one key. Sort that and then for the one night a year he goes out you can go to bed.

Its only 8pm, he might be home soon

Put the key u see the mat?

Under

how can I lock the door then put the key outside?

I don't "expect" him home at any particular time. He's an adult and is capable of staying out until whatever time he likes. Our only expectation, mutually, is that if we have plans the following morning they aren't impacted.

I sure as shit wouldn't be getting moody because he isn't home at 9pm. But nor would I be home at that time from a night out either.

Why do you only have 1 key? And what's actually stopping you from going out yourself?

There was a thread the other day where the DP had gone out and had no keys.

People need to keep their own keys and problems like this wouldn't happen. It's not that difficult.

I would expect him to still be out at 8PM if he went out in the afternoon, but he went out at 11am this morning and told me he’s still going to be houra yet.

I would say you're being unreasonable expecting him to come home early from a work night out, especially as he doesn't go out much. However I do remember how boring, frustrating and isolating I found maternity leave, and you've done two years of that.

I would let him get on with it tonight, but tell him tomorrow that you're having a few hours off at the weekend or whenever you're next free to do so. Not necessarily a boozy night out - just time off without the baby. You should have equal free time.

I can’t believe there’s only one key.

Why is it an issue though? You say yourself he never goes out.

So he will be back by 9? I would reckon up to 10 would be reasonable.

We've been happily married for 32 years and my DH would have sent one or two texts by now, just to let me know he's ok.

It's just considerate and respectful.....

You said that you’ve been out more than him. It’s just one occasion so let him enjoy his do

The fact your child clings to you and you don't get a break isn't relevant today as your partner had plans and wont be in a state for parenting on their return home anyway. Also its only 8pm. I'd expect them home late and probably not to really hear from them until they arrive. A text to say they're having fun and will be out late would be appreciated but no significance if not in my opinion

So will it then be acceptable for me to leave at 11am in the morning and come home at daft o clock silly drunk while he stays home with the toddler then?

I can understand why he wants to stay out later today.

No he won’t, he told me he will be back “in a few hours” and has been out since 11 this morning.

Okay, you definitely need to get another key cut so you can just head to bed and not worry about when he’s coming home.

He should definitely be sending a quick text to stay in touch.

You are certainly owed your own day/ night out - do it! Check the diary and when he’s next off (and you are obviously) go and do something - meet friends, go to another city, if possible and he’s off the next day - stay in a hotel - you deserve a break too x

Why wouldn’t it? I’m really not seeing the issue here. If you want a day out, have one.

Just dont grudge your partner one just because you choose not to do the same

Yes, as long as you have your own key it would be fine for you to go out and him look after the toddler. It’s ridiculous that you don’t each have a key to your own home.