What time do you expect your partner home from a night out?

[Tiredmummyx]

My partner has gone on Christmas do with his work mates tonight at some pub I don’t know where. He never goes out so I’m totally fine with this.

He has been working a lot of overtime recently (12 hour shifts) and I am home with DS (2 years old) all day every day and he clings me to constantly. We don’t have anyone to have him for us so I don’t get a break.

ive been out more than DP has throughout the relationship, but not much (I can’t remember the last time I went out) and was always home around 9PM after originally going out late afternoon.

He left for the do this morning at 10.50am, and is still out now. I text him at 7:40pm after I hadn’t heard a peep from him all day (I don’t expect him to text me all day long while he’s out, but one text would have been nice) asking when he expects to be back home because I have to lock the door if I go to bed (there’s only one key). He told me he will be back in another few hours and is audibly very drunk.

Just feeling a bit pissed off. I haven’t had a break without DS for a very long time and he’s very clingy (I love him to bits) and he’s been able to go out from morning till late at night drinking while I’m still home with DS. I understand he also needs a break but where is mine? Is going out in the morning and returning home late at night when you have a 2 year old and partner unreasonable?

Sure the brigade will be along soon to call me insecure and controlling (not sure how when I left him alone all day and didn’t call him until nearly 8PM).

Also pissed off he expects me to sit up and wait for him without giving me a time, clearly late though, to let him back in, when I’m absolutely shattered.

If there's somewhere safe to leave the key, do that and text him the location.
Otherwise, lock up; go to bed and tell him to phone you when he gets home

I agree with pp that the real problem is only having one key. Nothing wrong with him having an occasional night out and coming home late (as long as it's not too much of a habit and you also get the nights out that you want) but absolutely no need for you to wait up for him.

You aren't being controlling etc, it is common decency to give you an approximate time.

That said, if you don't live in the ghetto just go to bed and leave the door unlocked.

I didn’t say he will parent him when he returns. I stated I don’t get a break from toddler and he rarely stays home with him while I go out and certainly not 11am till late at night.

If I rarely went out I’d be very annoyed to be given a time to come home by.

the fact there is only 1 key is an issue you both as adults need to resolve as that’s silly!

Late/early morning probably but I wouldn't wait up. As others have said, leave a key out.

The problem is I have an abusive mother who makes a habit of turning up drunk and being abusive so if I leave the door unlocked then she could get in. That’s why I don’t want to do that.

For the few nights a year it happens it doesn't really make much difference to me whether it's 9pm or 1am. The dinner / clear up / bedtime was the bit where I would prefer another adult around for so once that's over I wouldn't really mind as long as they would take at least an equal role parenting the following morning.
That wouldn't be the case if I had to wait up for them though! Since you say its him who lost a key then I think it's fair to ask him to come home before your normal bedtime.

I think it's just all about communication before hand really when you have DC

I would expect him home when he says, if he says it's going to be a night out fine, but if he said a quick drink and didn't turn up till 3am without telling me I'd be pissed. If a small night out turns into a big one I would expect him to contact me to check that was okay in terms of caring for the DC. I would also expect equalish downtime

Why do men always go out with keys?

If dh was out with work mates or friends I’d expect him home after shutting time at the pub.

its Christmas , I’d go to bed and hopefully he’d phone when he was at the door. I wouldn’t be leaving the door unlocked and going to bed.

You said you go out more than he does though

So let me get this straight. You go out much more than your partner. One of the few times he's gone out, it doesn't for you (self imposed) rules on going out. Your fed up because you've not been out for a while. He is working. You are not.
Sorry but you are being unreasonable. He's gone out, just this once, on a Christmas do. It's only 8.20pm in the UK. If it were 4.20am I could perhaps understand.

He's out, on a Christmas Do, I wouldn't expect to see him (anyone) before 1am .certainly not before 8 pm.

the fact you've not found a babysitter & got your toddler used to them is no reason to begrudge him a night (not afternoon) out.

sorry, but you're being whingey & wet. Put the key out for him, lock the door from the inside.

Go & get a key cut or ordered tomorrow.

Women treat their partners like children and are then surprised they behave like children.

Anytime, especially as he rarely goes out.
If DH is likely to be out really late all I ask is that he tries to be quiet so he doesn’t wake us.

The only issue here is the lack of key. Ridiculous not to have another! We have one each and then 2 spares (for people visiting, feeding our cats, losing ours etc).

I said throughout the 4 year relationship I’ve been out more often than he has for no more than 5 hours and I’ve never expected him to wait up for me. I haven’t been out drinking for over 6 months at least.

Bless you. I think the issue is your overwhelmed with toddler. Which I get completely. When is he off next ? Book a day out for yourself.

It also sounds like the issue here is you spending all day with a toddler and no break.

can you send them to nursery just 1-2 days a week and get a job within those hours to give you more money, time to be an adult, child free tine

Your partner is an adult, you don't own him so he can come home whenever he wants. It's absolutely crazy you only have one key to your house we both have our own keys plus spares plus a set at a friends house and when my kids are older they will also have their own keys

Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?

But what has this got to do with your OH going out? Organise a night out or a day out or a night away if that's what you want.

It's frustrating to not be given an approximate time, I totally get that, but if he told you he'd be home and arrived home at 8pm, that still doesn't change the fact you feel you don't get a break or a night out!?

So will it then be acceptable for me to leave at 11am in the morning and come home at daft o clock silly drunk while he stays home with the toddler then?

Well yeah - why wouldn't it be?

The problem here is twofold: he hasn't taken a key so it's a bit of an adulting fail and imposes on when you want to go to bed.

And two: you're not getting any time to yourself.

And maybe three actually: drunk people are unreliable which given your history with your mum might be triggering.

All of these are either fixable or not his fault.

It's no wonder that hardly anyone wants to get married and have kids anymore. You get moaned at if you want a day to yourself!

Then lock up and text him that you will wiat up til 11 and then he will have to ring you when he gets home

You're confusing you not enjoying being a SAHM with your partner having a night out. Why shouldn't he be allowed one? Why don't you go out when you want to too?

Just look at fixing the issues of why you feel so unhappy being at home all the time rather than take it out on his 1 night out he's having.

I don’t mind when he’s home as long as he doesn’t wake me or the baby 😂