What time do you expect your partner home from a night out?

[Tiredmummyx]

My partner has gone on Christmas do with his work mates tonight at some pub I don’t know where. He never goes out so I’m totally fine with this.

He has been working a lot of overtime recently (12 hour shifts) and I am home with DS (2 years old) all day every day and he clings me to constantly. We don’t have anyone to have him for us so I don’t get a break.

ive been out more than DP has throughout the relationship, but not much (I can’t remember the last time I went out) and was always home around 9PM after originally going out late afternoon.

He left for the do this morning at 10.50am, and is still out now. I text him at 7:40pm after I hadn’t heard a peep from him all day (I don’t expect him to text me all day long while he’s out, but one text would have been nice) asking when he expects to be back home because I have to lock the door if I go to bed (there’s only one key). He told me he will be back in another few hours and is audibly very drunk.

Just feeling a bit pissed off. I haven’t had a break without DS for a very long time and he’s very clingy (I love him to bits) and he’s been able to go out from morning till late at night drinking while I’m still home with DS. I understand he also needs a break but where is mine? Is going out in the morning and returning home late at night when you have a 2 year old and partner unreasonable?

Sure the brigade will be along soon to call me insecure and controlling (not sure how when I left him alone all day and didn’t call him until nearly 8PM).

Also pissed off he expects me to sit up and wait for him without giving me a time, clearly late though, to let him back in, when I’m absolutely shattered.

DP gets back when she gets back, sometimes it's a few hours and she'll be back before 11pm having not had much, sometimes it's 3am, and one time I had to wake her up off the kitchen floor.

Likewise I went out on my works Christmas do at the weekend and got home at 4am. Our DS is a bit older now (11) but it's never been something we get on each other's backs about.

Yes, it would be. It is one day a year, not every week. You have had a long day, but surely you can stand it for one day to let your partner enjoy himself. Arrange a day out for yourself if you want one.

Regarding your question, I would expect him back when he wants to come home. I wouldn’t expect him to leave a good night out because I have given him a curfew. Maybe if he was out after 2am-ish I might start to wonder where he’d got to.

Course it would be, as its not something you do often and everyone is entitled to some time for a night out.

Why do these people never take their keys out with them, FFS? OP, lock the door and go to bed - he can get a hotel room.

I'd just go to bed. We've got kids so as long as he can do what's needed the next day it's up to him. But realistically someone would be tired and probably annoying if they're always out past 1am say.

I wouldn't expect another adult to be back from a Christmas party before closing time, unless parties aren't their thing and they prefer to slip out early. It's not even half 8, there may well be people who haven't even arrived there yet!
I don't think that's really the problem though. Really it's two adults sharing a key and that you're feeling claustrophobic parenting a toddler all day. The key thing is an easy fix tomorrow and make sure to get a spare cut. The parenting frustration I would make a new years priority - find a healthier balance for yourself.

It’s a one off. As long as he pulls his weight the rest of the year then what’s the problem?

I dont expect anytime. Dont care if im honest. But im expected to be home by 10.30pm

I don't expect him home at any time in particular, I just expect him to come home at all. If he was heading out drinking early in the morning I wouldn't be relying on him for anything that day or the next morning anyway.

In situations where we've been down to one key I go out the back door (leaving it open) and lock the front door, hide the key, then come back into the house through the back door and lock that.

It's unfair of you to suddenly take issue with him going out today just because you feel you don't get a break. Make time for your break. Arrange it with him in advance as he has done. Go out and come home whenever you feel like it!

Christ I’d hate to be married to someone like this, do people really begrudge their partners a bit of fun now and again! The child will be in bed by now anyway so I don’t really see why it matters. I mean what adult doesn’t have their own keys?!? All sounds very petty and uptight personally.

It’s one night so it wouldn’t really bother me, if you can’t leave the key somewhere, just go to bed and get him to ring when he’s back to be let in.

My only request is that he keeps in touch e.g moving on to another pub, could be late etc. Just so I don't worry he's had an accident. But this only applies because he pulls his weight at home, and doesn't go out very often. So I'm happy for him to go have a good time.

When he's home he's home.

Same for me to be fair. I don't usually give an eta.

The main issue is the keys. My work do started at 1.30 and I got home at 11.30. Others were out until 2am. I'm not a big drinker but enjoy the Christmas do.

It’s only 8pm, YABU. I’m at home all day with my baby and DH often isn’t back from work until now, having left at 7am.

The 12 hour shifts and tonight are separate issues. Can you put DC in nursery so you get a break?

Why do you need to know he has moved pub? Why would that stop you worrying about an accident?

Do you seriously only have one key?

Oh and re the key I would just leave the door unlocked tbh.

What the actual fuck?

Jeez, having just ready all your posts, you've got a seriously touchy attitude OP, no wonder he wants to stay out.

Blimey.

So many unnecessary MN posts could be avoided if people just got some spare keys cut. Won’t somebody think of the Timpson’s!

Yes why wouldn't it?

I just meant, won't be home as early as expected.

3am