Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What time do you expect your partner home from a night out?

209 replies

Tiredmummyx · 17/12/2024 20:09

My partner has gone on Christmas do with his work mates tonight at some pub I don’t know where. He never goes out so I’m totally fine with this.

He has been working a lot of overtime recently (12 hour shifts) and I am home with DS (2 years old) all day every day and he clings me to constantly. We don’t have anyone to have him for us so I don’t get a break.

ive been out more than DP has throughout the relationship, but not much (I can’t remember the last time I went out) and was always home around 9PM after originally going out late afternoon.

He left for the do this morning at 10.50am, and is still out now. I text him at 7:40pm after I hadn’t heard a peep from him all day (I don’t expect him to text me all day long while he’s out, but one text would have been nice) asking when he expects to be back home because I have to lock the door if I go to bed (there’s only one key). He told me he will be back in another few hours and is audibly very drunk.

Just feeling a bit pissed off. I haven’t had a break without DS for a very long time and he’s very clingy (I love him to bits) and he’s been able to go out from morning till late at night drinking while I’m still home with DS. I understand he also needs a break but where is mine? Is going out in the morning and returning home late at night when you have a 2 year old and partner unreasonable?

Sure the brigade will be along soon to call me insecure and controlling (not sure how when I left him alone all day and didn’t call him until nearly 8PM).

Also pissed off he expects me to sit up and wait for him without giving me a time, clearly late though, to let him back in, when I’m absolutely shattered.

OP posts:
Bettyboo111 · 17/12/2024 22:55

Last time Dp went out I dropped him a 7 pm he got home the next day at 8 am.

Ubugly · 17/12/2024 22:56

Tiredmummyx · 17/12/2024 20:16

So will it then be acceptable for me to leave at 11am in the morning and come home at daft o clock silly drunk while he stays home with the toddler then?

Show quote history

Yes it would if it’s not all the time.

junerella · 17/12/2024 23:02

Having three young kids and creaky floorboards, he has a curfew of 11. If he's having a big night out or wants to stay out later than 11, he has to get a hotel. I'm up most of the night with the littlest one and still get woken most nights by our eldest. If he stays out it's one less time I have to wake up in the night so I encourage the hotel.

Avocadorable · 17/12/2024 23:03

Yabu seriously enough said, F off to bed or keep stewing and looking for an argument or strangers o line to tell you you are right in your way of thinking things through x

5128gap · 17/12/2024 23:05

I think these are things you need to negotiate and be clear on ahead of time. Because if he'd said "I'm going out for the first time in a year for my works do. I'll probably be out till late and get really drunk so can stay at a mates if you prefer. Then next time, it's your turn to do whatever you want" then you'd know where you stood. As it is, he was unrealistic with you so you're expecting him back, he isnt coming back and will keep pushing the time on, and you'll get more and more angry. There's going to be no happy ending this evening so all you can do is communicate realistically next time.

TheFluffiestCat · 17/12/2024 23:12

DH gets back when he gets back. In fairness, if he forgets his key we arrange a time that I don't mind staying up until, and if he's got stuff to do the next day I can rely on him to do it. Assuming he's got a key it could be anywhere between 11 and 4. He's got a solid group of friends who are mostly long-term single so can stay up drinking and playing records all night like the teenage boys they used to be. If DD and I go away they all pile back here for a change.

Kisskiss · 17/12/2024 23:50

Tiredmummyx · 17/12/2024 20:16

So will it then be acceptable for me to leave at 11am in the morning and come home at daft o clock silly drunk while he stays home with the toddler then?

Show quote history

Once in a while , yes! You said he seldom goes out , and it’s a Xmas do so it sounds ok tbh.
you sound knackered though, so why don’t you tell him you want/need a day to yourself as well

AspirationalTallskinnylatte · 17/12/2024 23:54

About midnight-ish is when mine would be back in that scenario.
Your problem is that you only have one set of keys not his return time.
I'd get a key safe with a spare in it to solve the problem in the future.

TheTreeLightsAreFuckingMeOffNow · 18/12/2024 00:23

Parky04 · 17/12/2024 20:25

It's no wonder that hardly anyone wants to get married and have kids anymore. You get moaned at if you want a day to yourself!

This. You're being ridiculous and borderline controlling.

StrawberryWater · 18/12/2024 00:34

If he's planning on getting blotto then I expect him to get a hotel.

Otherwise whatever, just don't wake me up.

Purpleberet · 18/12/2024 00:51

Agree with the majority of posts here. i would also often give oh a pass until midday the next day and vice versa, but we discuss beforehand.

The main thing that baffles me about this is that you haven’t had a conversation about it before. Idk why he didn’t give you an idea of time he expects to be back. But then if you’re so bothered about it, it’s weird you didn’t ask, so he’s probably just assumed it doesn’t matter. Noones a mind reader!

Jumpingthruhoops · 18/12/2024 01:15

Tiredmummyx · 17/12/2024 20:09

My partner has gone on Christmas do with his work mates tonight at some pub I don’t know where. He never goes out so I’m totally fine with this.

He has been working a lot of overtime recently (12 hour shifts) and I am home with DS (2 years old) all day every day and he clings me to constantly. We don’t have anyone to have him for us so I don’t get a break.

ive been out more than DP has throughout the relationship, but not much (I can’t remember the last time I went out) and was always home around 9PM after originally going out late afternoon.

He left for the do this morning at 10.50am, and is still out now. I text him at 7:40pm after I hadn’t heard a peep from him all day (I don’t expect him to text me all day long while he’s out, but one text would have been nice) asking when he expects to be back home because I have to lock the door if I go to bed (there’s only one key). He told me he will be back in another few hours and is audibly very drunk.

Just feeling a bit pissed off. I haven’t had a break without DS for a very long time and he’s very clingy (I love him to bits) and he’s been able to go out from morning till late at night drinking while I’m still home with DS. I understand he also needs a break but where is mine? Is going out in the morning and returning home late at night when you have a 2 year old and partner unreasonable?

Sure the brigade will be along soon to call me insecure and controlling (not sure how when I left him alone all day and didn’t call him until nearly 8PM).

Also pissed off he expects me to sit up and wait for him without giving me a time, clearly late though, to let him back in, when I’m absolutely shattered.

I'd 'expect' him to come home when he's ready. He's a grown man. But I would also expect him to have his own key.

PoppyGalore1 · 18/12/2024 06:10

How do you live your lives without both having a key to your house? Do you just stay in and wait for him all day until he’s back from work?

Edingril · 18/12/2024 06:18

What is with all the key threads, he comes home when he comes home like i do because we are grown usp, so grown up we have our own keys

AhBiscuits · 18/12/2024 06:24

I would be fuming if on a rare night out my partner was nagging and whining about me coming home late. I got home from my Christmas party at 1am, same as the colleagues I was out with.

Growsomeballswoman · 18/12/2024 06:27

Whenever they want to.

PeloMom · 18/12/2024 06:31

I mean it’s too late now but I would have told him if he isn’t back by xx time (when you want to go to bed) he should sort out where to sleep and come back the next day.

gannett · 18/12/2024 06:38

I wouldn't expect him home at any particular time from any night out (and vice versa). But I wouldn't ever wait up for him, be expected to wait up for him, or expect him to wait up for me either. Once DP or I are on a night out, we handle our own timings. If I'm at home I don't really give his timings a second thought.

That's not actually the issue though as the batshit thing is he's knowingly left the house without his own key. That's just not something adults do, especially if they're going properly out.

I consider myself a fairly forgetful and disorganised person so all this talk of forgetting keys, losing keys, getting into a situation where you only have one key between the two of you and leaving the house without a means of getting back into it is just idiocy to me. If I can manage not to do those things anyone can.

If DP was on a night out and had forgotten his keys (which has never happened) he would just have to come home early (as would I). I'm not waiting up for him and I'd be livid if he woke me (and I sleep deeply, so no guarantee that would be possible).

MyBirthdayMonth · 18/12/2024 06:49

At 8pm, the night has barely begun!

MyBirthdayMonth · 18/12/2024 06:51

PoppyGalore1 · 18/12/2024 06:10

How do you live your lives without both having a key to your house? Do you just stay in and wait for him all day until he’s back from work?

I agree. You sound more like a couple of kids playing house than an actual functioning adult household.

sunshineandshowers40 · 18/12/2024 06:59

Why doesn't he have his own key? Do you live together? Expecting him home at 9pm is ridiculous especially if he doesn't go out often.

DarkForces · 18/12/2024 07:01

I am married to an adult so he has his own set of keys and no curfew.

TheaBrandt · 18/12/2024 07:04

Can’t believe a grown adult has a “curfew”!!!

Once teens get to 18 they get back when they want.

BlowInTheWind · 18/12/2024 07:06

I'm with you on this one op.

If he knew there was only one set of keys, then he's being inconsiderate to make you stay up late to let him in. If I knew I had to let someone in throughout the night I wouldn't be able to sleep properly.

I hope he came back at a reasonable hour.

Dr13Hadley · 18/12/2024 07:09

Mine came home around 12.30 from his Christmas do and let himself in. I was asleep. If he'd lost his keys however I would have expected him to have got another cut before going out. There are places everywhere and it takes minutes.

The issue here is less about the time coming back and more about the fact you have to stay up as he has no key.