What time do you expect your partner home from a night out?

[Tiredmummyx]

My partner has gone on Christmas do with his work mates tonight at some pub I don’t know where. He never goes out so I’m totally fine with this.

He has been working a lot of overtime recently (12 hour shifts) and I am home with DS (2 years old) all day every day and he clings me to constantly. We don’t have anyone to have him for us so I don’t get a break.

ive been out more than DP has throughout the relationship, but not much (I can’t remember the last time I went out) and was always home around 9PM after originally going out late afternoon.

He left for the do this morning at 10.50am, and is still out now. I text him at 7:40pm after I hadn’t heard a peep from him all day (I don’t expect him to text me all day long while he’s out, but one text would have been nice) asking when he expects to be back home because I have to lock the door if I go to bed (there’s only one key). He told me he will be back in another few hours and is audibly very drunk.

Just feeling a bit pissed off. I haven’t had a break without DS for a very long time and he’s very clingy (I love him to bits) and he’s been able to go out from morning till late at night drinking while I’m still home with DS. I understand he also needs a break but where is mine? Is going out in the morning and returning home late at night when you have a 2 year old and partner unreasonable?

Sure the brigade will be along soon to call me insecure and controlling (not sure how when I left him alone all day and didn’t call him until nearly 8PM).

Also pissed off he expects me to sit up and wait for him without giving me a time, clearly late though, to let him back in, when I’m absolutely shattered.

Right. Call your nearest neighbor. Lock up and pass them the key through a window or similar, they then hide the key in a safe location, send location to partner.

Only do this if you and DS could still get out in a fire, eg through window

I'm not really sure what you want here OP.

If your partner is out tonight, you go out another day or night to get a break. Make it a regular thing. Once a month or every couple of months. Same for your partner as he seems to work a lot.

Don't be mad at your partner being out tonight because you haven't made arrangements to have a break.

And find your partner's keys.

The problem is the keys.

Why didn’t you get a new one cut?

As the two of you didn’t bother, you are stuck awake until he rolls in drunk.

@Tiredmummyx

yes! Why ever not!? If he can, you can! Get it arranged and have a good time 🥂

What time do you expect your partner home from a night out?

@Tiredmummyx Honestly ? whatever time they get back, but I wouldn't be staying up to ensure they get in, I would expect them to have sorted out a key so they could get in themselves, not difficult and takes a tiny bit of advance planning. The fact they haven't done this would piss me off !

Put the key under a plant pot out front, text him that info, then go to bed. You are tired and fed up, both unpleasant feels so you do have my sympathy, but that’s making you be unreasonable.

I’ve done this to dh before - gone out all day and ended up into the evening and getting home at 2am. Dh left the door unlocked. I didn’t expect to be out that long but I was having such a lovely time. Dh was home with twin toddlers and a 4yo. In the morning he made me a cup of tea and asked if I had a nice time.

It was a one off and I’m an adult. Dh gigs and is usually home by 2am.

Yes you are being unreasonable. You did ask the question. I’m sure your DH would cope with your child if you want a night out, stop being a martyr

Go to bed and leave your phone on loud. Not ideal, but you only have one key 🤷‍♀️

it’s his Xmas do, I wouldn’t be expecting my husband back until early hours. I’d just leave him be. Definitely schedule a night out for yourself though

This. Suffocating as fuck

I'd just put my phone on vibrate and text him to call when home for me to let him and go to bed when I'm ready.

The issue is him not having a key.
My husband went out several hours ago, said he’d be back in a bit, but he’s with his mates and having fun. He’ll be back when he’s back.

When he gets home. He rarely gets a chance to go out and it's Christmas. Equally I'm not waiting up for him. Only having one key is your issue. Get two and have a night to yourself; I'm assuming the DC will be asleep soon.

If you want to then yeah, why not?

What is with all of these single-key households??

Exactly this. Ho to bed. Leave him to come on when he wants to

The mind boggles!!

I'd "expect" him back by 1:30am but he doesn't have a home time.

Of course you can have a turn....

Total none issue

My DH doesn't go out and drink often at all, like 4 times this year 😅 when he goes out he doesn't come home and usually stays at his friends which I encourage as I don't want to be woken up by him stumbling in or dealing with the drunk snore and morning grumble and panicking if he's passed out in a bush all night when he's not back when he says. Far nicer for him to stay out have fun, and I get the whole bed and a blissful sleep.

Could be any time, but I would say 3am at the latest. I'd start to get a bit worried after that. Expecting someone to be back by 9pm is very unreasonable IMO.

I don't think the issue is the timing, it's the key, You (both of you) should have got that sorted before this night out so it wasn't an issue. I'd recommend getting a key safe for emergencies.

11am is very early to be going on a 'night out'. Are you sure there weren't loads of team building stuff going on? If my dh went on a Xmas do or just a day out at 11am I'd be a bit worried if I hadn't heard from him all day, especially if drinking from that time, and I'm very lax. No small children at home etc to worry about.

Depends really, I’d say usually 11pm to 1am unless he’s mentioned any different. Quid pro quo - it’s similar for me if I go out.

It would depend how often he goes on a night out. If it's infrequent I would say whenever he feels like.

If he's out more, I think it's reasonable to have a conversation about making sure he's still available to pull his weight with he family.

My partner and I rarely have nights out and so we would never set an expectation of when to be back. This week with Xmas there have been a few things and we have agreed when we'll be back to ensure that there is a fair share of sorting the kids etc.

100% this. Sounds like OP begrudges her hubby going out not the time of his return

He”s an adult. Your attitude sounds needy, controlling and possessive even though I’m sure you are not. Who cares that he’s out until 8!!!!!! My preteen goes to be much later then that and your hubby doesn’t go out. Please get some perspective.

As many other people have already said you need another key! I would not be bothered at all what time my husband got home if he went on a night out. This isn’t a frequent occurrence every week so let him enjoy it. When I go out if it’s not local I stay overnight at a hotel and come back next day. My husband is free to do the same if he so wished. You get one life and there should be times when you can relax and enjoy yourself away from the daily drudgery as long as it’s fair and not happening numerous times a week or month.