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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

. . . to be annoyed at these parents?

202 replies

BananaBreadstick · 16/12/2024 00:20

Booked DD's 6th birthday party in our local church hall. I paid for a chocolate/sweet-making class for twenty kids; all parents confirmed they'd be going - great.

As people started to arrive, I noticed there were some older children arriving too, clearly siblings of the party attendees, but I was too involved with greetings and helping the chocolate workshop people set up to worry about if.

When the chocolate class started, I was busy in the kitchen getting food sorted for when the children had finished, so I didn't realise that the older children all lined up to collect chocolate-making supplies and joined in the class. The chocolate guys came up to me after, quite apologetically, and said that 25 kids had taken part, so there would be a balancing payment for the extra children. They'd told me this in advance - the package was for 20 but any extra would be £10 per child - and that was fine by me, as I didn't anticipate there would be any extra children! I reassured them that it was fine, not their fault, and I'd settle the balance, but I'm really annoyed at the parents who, firstly, didn't ask if it was okay for siblings to come, and secondly allowed them to take part in the activity. I even had to stop three of the older kids taking party bags as I only had one spare.

AIBU or is this just incredibly rude of the parents? If they'd asked in advance if siblings could come, I would have explained that the activity was chargeable per child so I was limited on numbers for that, but the siblings would be welcome to attend and have a slice of cake if the parents didn't have childcare. But to not even give me a heads-up . . . Angry

OP posts:
Eyresandgraces · 16/12/2024 00:23

Some parents are just incredibly rude allowing this.

In future give each dc taking part a ticket to hand in for their supplies.
In fact the organisers should suggest this to future bookings imo.

purpleme12 · 16/12/2024 00:25

Wow I'd be fuming!

Bit hard to stop this I guess if you're engaged with the food or whatever when it happened.

RacingThoughts111 · 16/12/2024 00:26

I'd be annoyed about the chocolate class, I'd be really put out having to pay £50 extra.

I've seen plenty of posts on here where people get annoyed by extra child guests ( I'm pretty sure I'd be one of those people too 😅 )

But, from my own experience, parties at church halls, open places ect are going to have extras. Every single party my DS has been invited to, I've gone to stop him off with DD ( single parent so no childcare ) and DD has always been welcome ( I never expect it and always have plans with her )

I've found it's different when it's at properly booked places like trampoline parks / wacky warehouses ect as everyone knows their pay per child,

Church/ bouncy castle places tend to be a free for all where I'm from

Feelingsad1987 · 16/12/2024 00:26

So rude and so entitled. I find it shocking. It's not the norm - never happened at any of my DC's parties.

Bobbybobbins · 16/12/2024 00:27

It's really rude that they didn't ask if it was ok in advance.

needlesandpinsa · 16/12/2024 00:29

Unbelievably rude.

PearPartridge · 16/12/2024 00:30

I remember getting an invitation for dd that had been made in a retro style like a cinema ticket or something that said "Admit one" I thought it was a good idea.

MinSpy · 16/12/2024 00:30

V rude!! V v rude!!

Enough4me · 16/12/2024 00:32

YANBU
Some annoying people just want the 'free' entertainment for their other DC.

SleepPrettyDarling · 16/12/2024 00:37

How did you send the invitations? Do you know which families arrived with extras? If it was a WhatsApp invite, I’d put up a thank you message to all that came, and add ‘I ended up being charged for additional siblings who arrived unexpectedly, as obviously I didn’t want to cause any embarrassment or leave anyone out. However, this was a party for Lucy’s friends, for which I had confirmed numbers, and I’d kindly ask parents to check before assuming next time.’

AmethystRuby · 16/12/2024 00:38

yes rude, but realistically if they gave you a heads up it wouldnt have been great to exclude the older kids from the chocolate activity. they should have asked though

Vaxtable · 16/12/2024 00:38

It’s rude. And if I knew who the parents where of the kids I would be messaging them and saying they owe £10 for their kid as they were not invited to the party but arrived and took part. In future make it really clear on invites that siblings are not invited

BananaBreadstick · 16/12/2024 00:39

Well, at least I know I wasn't being unreasonable, and it's not some weird parenting norm that I didn't know about Grin

The ticket idea is a good one, kids love a ticket! I take the point about a church or community hall being perceived as more "open" but I still wouldn't have ever turned up to a party with uninvited siblings.

Hey ho, lesson learned!

OP posts:
BananaBreadstick · 16/12/2024 00:42

It was paper invitations and then RSVP to my mobile number, rather than a group WhatsApp, @SleepPrettyDarling; I think I'll just chalk it up to experience this time.
Ranting on here has released the frustration!

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 16/12/2024 00:43

I always put on party invitons now something along the lines of ' please let me know if you are planning on bringing siblings'

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 16/12/2024 00:43

Hugely rude, their parents are cf. As pp said, suggest the chocolate people do a ticket system in future, great theme of a golden ticket per INVITED child to trade in to take part, like Charlie and the chocolate factory 🍫🎫

BananaBreadstick · 16/12/2024 00:45

@AmethystRuby why, though? Isn't DD entitled to just have her friends at her birthday party activity, rather than have to share it with kids who are much older, louder, and who she barely knows (if at all)?

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 16/12/2024 00:46

AmethystRuby · 16/12/2024 00:38

yes rude, but realistically if they gave you a heads up it wouldnt have been great to exclude the older kids from the chocolate activity. they should have asked though

I don’t understand - are you saying it would have been rude for the OP to ask that no siblings joined in the chocolate making party (for which she had to pay per head)?

Talipesmum · 16/12/2024 00:49

Agree OP - it’s really rude. You’d have to be very dim not to realise this is the sort of thing that is charged per head - tbh I’d think it rude for anyone to assume siblings could just show up and join in without asking, but this especially is totally out of order.

VivX · 16/12/2024 00:53

Yes, it was extremely rude of those parents.
You need to really be clear on the invitation next time.

And for the particularly over entitled / hard of comprehension tickets or name tags or colored stickers to identify the actual guests if you do an activity like this again.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 16/12/2024 01:35

Unbelievably rude 😧
I think tickets are a great idea, and I'd be tempted to mention something about it before the next party you organise so the CFs realise they cost you extra money.

My DD hardly ever gets to go to parties as I also have a 2yr old and my DP works a lot of weekends. I wouldn't dream of taking my DS with us. From the handful of parties I've been to, it seems taking extra kids is normal where I live which seems odd to me, given that some people have up to 5 kids which is a lot of extra kids at each party 🤯.

It also meant that far too many people were crammed in and there was nowhere near enough seating. Standing up for over 2hrs with a back injury was horrendous and I couldn't wait to leave!

wholettheturnipsburn · 16/12/2024 01:42

AmethystRuby · 16/12/2024 00:38

yes rude, but realistically if they gave you a heads up it wouldnt have been great to exclude the older kids from the chocolate activity. they should have asked though

I would have excluded them. Their parents could explain why.

Isatis · 16/12/2024 03:52

Send out polite requests for payment to the parents concerned.

Happyinarcon · 16/12/2024 03:59

Never had any parents ever bring siblings to my kids party let alone have them take part in activities unnoticed. I’m surprised it happened with multiple parents at one event

HoundsOfHelfire · 16/12/2024 04:17

such selfish entitled parents, they didn’t even check with you beforehand or check it was ok on the day to join the activity.

Next time say something like ‘no siblings please, there are limited places which are all taken up by Sharon’s party guests

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