. . . to be annoyed at these parents?

[BananaBreadstick]

Booked DD's 6th birthday party in our local church hall. I paid for a chocolate/sweet-making class for twenty kids; all parents confirmed they'd be going - great.

As people started to arrive, I noticed there were some older children arriving too, clearly siblings of the party attendees, but I was too involved with greetings and helping the chocolate workshop people set up to worry about if.

When the chocolate class started, I was busy in the kitchen getting food sorted for when the children had finished, so I didn't realise that the older children all lined up to collect chocolate-making supplies and joined in the class. The chocolate guys came up to me after, quite apologetically, and said that 25 kids had taken part, so there would be a balancing payment for the extra children. They'd told me this in advance - the package was for 20 but any extra would be £10 per child - and that was fine by me, as I didn't anticipate there would be any extra children! I reassured them that it was fine, not their fault, and I'd settle the balance, but I'm really annoyed at the parents who, firstly, didn't ask if it was okay for siblings to come, and secondly allowed them to take part in the activity. I even had to stop three of the older kids taking party bags as I only had one spare.

AIBU or is this just incredibly rude of the parents? If they'd asked in advance if siblings could come, I would have explained that the activity was chargeable per child so I was limited on numbers for that, but the siblings would be welcome to attend and have a slice of cake if the parents didn't have childcare. But to not even give me a heads-up . . .

In this case it was very rude of the parents as it was fairly obvious it was a pay per person activity. They cost you money and that's not fair at all.

But in general I don't get the whole outrage of bringing siblings to parties providing they behave and understand they might not get a party bag etc. I've always done church hall free for alls for my dc. Lots of food, lots of balloons, games and plenty of space to run around. So it makes no difference if a couple of extra kids are there. Some people have no choice but to bring them and surely you'd rather that than have hardly anyone there?

Perhaps you need to put a note on the invite - due to the nature and planning of this activity I am unable to accommodate siblings.

People can be spectacularly rude!

This attitude is why you end up with kids who think it's OK to crash another one's party when they are teens. I mean do we expect random plus ones at weddings?

I mainly think it’s the fault of the parents bringing extra kids and that it’s not on to do so without asking in advance if it’s doable.
I do also think it’s poor on the part of the business running the activity not to be set up for managing this. When we’ve run pay per child things the person/venue running the activity have always asked us for a list of participants and ticked them off as they’ve arrived. If there are extras they have said ‘oh they aren’t on my list we will have to check with whatkatydid’ giving me the opportunity to say oh I’m sorry but we’ve only arranged the activity for x number of kids. If it’s something where parents can pay in their own child separately it’s fine for them to do but if we’ve got a private hire I would happily say something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry but we’ve agreed numbers in advance and haven’t catered/will be unable to for extras’

@goldencabbage oh come on, nobody got an asbo in later life because their mum brought them to their siblings mates birthday party!!! And comparing a child's party in a village hall to a wedding 😂😂😂

I just think people get so uptight on here. You'll see threads from parents upset that nobody came to their kids party, then you see threads like this bemoaning anyone who dares to bring a sibling along. People sometimes have no choice.

If it's a free for all and you're not having to pay any extra then what harm does it do really? I just can't get worked up over it. They are kids, it's a party. It's going to be fucking chaos either way.

Rude and entitled behaviour. I'd be tempted to play them at their own game and they they owe you £10 each.

This. I would never normally do something like this but that is incredibly out of order and as pps said they must have known it would be charged per head!!!

Very rude and very assumptive. But did you make it clear on the invitations that there would be a chocolate making class? If not, those parents might have assumed that it was just games and some music etc., if so those parents obviously didn't consider the added cost per child.

Either way, forewarned is forearmed so you'll know for next time that anything you do plan could potentially be hijacked by random children attending uninvited,

I only ever had this happen to me once for my two children and as it was just a small tea party at home in the summer it wasn't a problem - apparently the girls mum was at work so dad sent both children and mum was very embarrassed when she collected them later.

In our neck of the woods, 6yo birthday parties are drop and run, and I would not expect them to drop any siblings.

I hate children's parties for this reason so only invited children of close friends. It's a harsh lesson learned to be clear to organisers that there's a fixed number of children participating and clearly word future invites that no siblings unless parents pay on arrival.

Lesson learnt

If you book anything similar one of you needs to be clear. "Oh you brought Jimmy too, I'm afraid it's only for the 20 kids so if he's ok to sit with you and watch?" Or "Eve has been paid for of course , you just need to pay for Jimmy at reception "

I actually think it can make a difference. Significantly older/younger kids can make an activity less safe; you may have only catered for invited kids with food/supplies for any homemade activities; if you have hired any activity that you take turns on (glitter tattoos, face painting, limited number at once on bouncy castle) then extra kids prevent invited kids getting their turn; it’s a bit rotten for the invited kids if an older sibling keeps winning party games; your child may be particular about it being a party with their friends.

I am personally fairly ok with a free for all if we’ve hired something where extras make little difference to costs. I have often said yes to bringing siblings if asked. I still think it’s poor form not to check it’s ok in advance if siblings can come & to make it clear when asking you’d pay for an extra.

People have wedding parties in village halls

It happens mostly in halls I find. So many times the children go to sit at the party table for food and their isn’t enough plates or seats because siblings are sat down in them

I'd also be really annoyed at this, it doesn't seem to be the norm at any party I've been too. I even went to a church hall bouncy castle party this weekend and my step son (10) was with us this weekend, we know the parents very well so just said "is it ok if X comes" and they had assumed he was anyway. They asked if he wanted a party bag a few days before and we said not to worry about it as it was for a toddler party so it was very kiddy stuff. No way would I have brought him to one that was for my DDs pre school friend or something but as it was a family friend it was ok.

Had this happen too but luckily parents paid organiser upfront to have siblings participate. Still rude though.

We had a similar thing where siblings joined in - it was a place still open to the public but we’d paid for the party package. Fortunately, the organisers took a list of names of everyone who said that they were part of the party and they showed it to us before we paid and we crossed off any names that we didn’t recognise and the staff ran around those people and collected payment. Unfortunately, I didn’t recognise the names of DH’s colleagues’ children and they all got charged and it was embarrassing to sort out. They’d been invited to a party and then told that they hadn’t been invited and needed to pay. Was really embarrassing but we got it sorted out.
the siblings involved in ours also came for a seat at the party table and the food was in boxes like happy meals and so there wasn’t anything for them. At the end, I could see a parent telling their teenage child (much older than the party kids) to come and ask for a party bag.

Wow. If we had to take older sibling to party. We told the host in advance and obviously said they will not take part. It was only ever down to childcare.

Why wouldn't it? They weren't invited to the party because they are not friends with the birthday child. Saying "sorry, no spaces" would be completely reasonable.

'If it's a free for all and you're not having to pay any extra then what harm does it do really?

in OPs case it wasn't free for all. Even if it is, you have probably catered for the number of invitees, and not all their siblings as well. Plus as a PP says, it totally changes the party dynamic, if you have a 6yo birthday party, but suddenly several pre-teens or toddlers in the mix.

Rude yes, but if you see someone has brought an extra child you can say "it's a tenner to join in but we've not got party bags for anyone not invited" then they know where they stand.

You always need extra party bags though as younger siblings inevitably put their hand out and cry when their sibling gets a bag

Why are the younger siblings there? This is an issue for the parent of that younger sibling to deal with.
I have two DC and I'd never put another parent in the position of having my younger child ask for a party bag and it be down to them to either say no or provide an extra bag.

It’s not her fault but if she used her common sense and said something instead of being a door mat then she wouldn’t of ended up paying an extra £50

frankly unbelievable
how times have changed !

Some parents are so rude, yanbu at all.

I understand sometimes having to take a sibling to a party with you but you need to check first!

I used to always message and say something like "thanks so much for Marthas invite to the party, before I can confirm I just need to see if I can find childcare for Beatrice... I'll let you know by Friday..." And the parent could then say Beatrice is welcome to attend/she can be at venue but cant join in (worded nicer!) or whatever. So rude to just bring an extra and assume they can join in.