. . . to be annoyed at these parents?

[BananaBreadstick]

Booked DD's 6th birthday party in our local church hall. I paid for a chocolate/sweet-making class for twenty kids; all parents confirmed they'd be going - great.

As people started to arrive, I noticed there were some older children arriving too, clearly siblings of the party attendees, but I was too involved with greetings and helping the chocolate workshop people set up to worry about if.

When the chocolate class started, I was busy in the kitchen getting food sorted for when the children had finished, so I didn't realise that the older children all lined up to collect chocolate-making supplies and joined in the class. The chocolate guys came up to me after, quite apologetically, and said that 25 kids had taken part, so there would be a balancing payment for the extra children. They'd told me this in advance - the package was for 20 but any extra would be £10 per child - and that was fine by me, as I didn't anticipate there would be any extra children! I reassured them that it was fine, not their fault, and I'd settle the balance, but I'm really annoyed at the parents who, firstly, didn't ask if it was okay for siblings to come, and secondly allowed them to take part in the activity. I even had to stop three of the older kids taking party bags as I only had one spare.

AIBU or is this just incredibly rude of the parents? If they'd asked in advance if siblings could come, I would have explained that the activity was chargeable per child so I was limited on numbers for that, but the siblings would be welcome to attend and have a slice of cake if the parents didn't have childcare. But to not even give me a heads-up . . .

I mean do we expect random plus ones at weddings?

It's not unknown, @goldencabbage; I have a dear friend who invited her uncle, only to find he brought along his ex, his ex's kids, and his ex's new husband. They were turned away of course, and the family row still rumbles on

"Making things clear" on invitations doesn't always work either since the entitled just ignore it, so the only real option is to simply refuse entry and leave the rude to deal with the tears

Charge them! Fucking charge them now! They may think twice and engage their thick brains in future..

Bet they were allowed to gatecrash as kids

I'd be bloody contacting the parents and asking for the money, cheeky twats!
And next time, pay more attention!!!

Anyone who takes an uninvited child to a birthday party is clueless and rude.

I would have been incredibly uncomfortable going to a party with my DSis's friends (all much older than me). Fortunately I didn't have to as my mother actually had manners and consideration for others.

Very rude of the parents, i've been to a few parties in the village hall and parents with older/younger siblings have always kept them to one side or have arranged to drop off party attendee and go.
Next time be stricter, make sure you note on the invite that siblings are not included or do the ticket idea, but stand firm. Maybe have some (a grandparent or close friend maybe?) on hand to make sure only invited kids take part.

Are you sure that the activity leader didn’t invite the siblings to join in? I’ve been to a party with an older sibling (who was happily sat on an iPad in the corner, with the agreement of the family) when the entertainer invited them to join in.

I know this entertainer charges per child and has presented other parents with an invoice for additional children, so I declined. But others may have not have known/thought…

did you read my post? i said they should have given a heads up. jeez before you rant, read!!!

As long as actual physical space isn't hugely restricted, there's nothing wrong with taking a sibling along to the venue (assuming a church hall or similar, as opposed to the child's own home).

However, you would naturally assume that they've understood and told the sibling that it's their sibling who is invited to the actual party, so that's why they've brought/planned something else to occupy them in the meantime.

Yes I read it. Did you read where you wrote that the older ones shouldn’t be left out ‘as long as their entitled as fuck parents had ‘given a heads up’? A heads up is ‘I’m bringing them’ (not asking, telling) and then the party organiser has to pay more, arrange more party bags etc because little Jonny can’t ever be told no.

This.

Maybe the activity leader didn't know which kids had been invited and which hadn't?

If the parents didn't watch them and stop them from going over as though ready to participate in the activity for the invited children, how would the AL have known?

Plus, they didn't know that the birthday child's parent hadn't told them to go over and join in anyway. It's not their job to gatekeep who does and doesn't take part - especially if each child over the pre-booked number earns them another tenner, as agreed with the organiser!

Yanbu. it’s so rude. And now you’re £50 down. At least you know who the CFers are and can adjust your parties to avoid similar happening again eg named bags for activities/party bags or warning any outside providers so they can police it.

One memorable party for ds when he was 5, I had a 7 year old “helping” me with everything with her parents looking on indulgently. Trying to time the pass the parcel to give each child a go while this child was talking, asking to press the buttons etc was a particularly stressful moment!

i said they should have asked. again. read before you rant

I am glad the kids party phase is behind me . You did absolutely nothing wrong and those parents were very cheeky . No matter what you do there will also be at least one CF . I don't think it is the fault of the children , but the parents who can't say no / don't supervise their children .

I think you have to be quite explicit on the invite about siblings if there is a restriction on numbers .I know people have done this when it is a per head venue such as soft play .

I think also that as it was a larger venue the parents just assumed that it wouldn't be a problem .
This is still cheeky and it does change the dynamics , especially if older children are brought along .
I always made up some extra party bags for this reason . As others said I would just use what was left and not everything would be in this bag . I would usually also get a much bigger cake and would offer at least a slice of cake to the extras .

I also made sure that I was the one handing out the party bags at the end to police it and also wrote each child's name on the bags .
I am sure your child had a great time regardless and it is much more common as the children age through primary school to have a smaller group invited and then only a few friends when they are older .

It's a shame you couldn't have got the venue to stop them upon exiting, with a bill. In some way I think I'd be annoyed at the venue for not clarifying it with me first before assuming I'd be happy with the £50 additional charge.

I think I would do this tbh

Charge the siblings parents.

Siblings joining in is always at the discretion of the host.

Why not? It was a pay per head activity, the parents could have been told this? The siblings weren’t actually invited, remember.

As long as actual physical space isn't hugely restricted, there's nothing wrong with taking a sibling along to the venue (assuming a church hall or similar, as opposed to the child's own home).
You reckon? It’s a party for the child’s friends and relatives, it’s not on to show up with the rest of your kids because you think there’s enough space for them to fit!
Bloody hell!

Yanbu

I do t know what's wrong with people these days, all manners and consideration for others have been shelved.

I think the parents who let their dc who were not party guests participate were very rude

It’s extremely rude.

I had a similar experience when I booked a party at a venue for my DD’s birthday party. The venue could only take 30 max. I had one mother RSVP for her invited child and her sibling, who was not invited. I responded that unfortunately the venue is limited to 30 guests and sadly siblings cannot attend. I received such a rude message back telling me that I should have made it clear in the invitation. I was puzzled by this - surely an invitation addressed to one named person does not have explicitly exclude others.

To top it off, ex husband invited his new GF to the party without checking and not only did he not contribute to the costs or organisation, but the GF told the staff to add her admission to my bill. I had to pay for her as I settled the bill as I was leaving.

Some people have no manners at all.

YANBU this is just rude. I have occasionally had to bring an older sibling to a party but have asked in advance, paid for their admission and made sure I bought them food. I recently had the opposite problem, I invited everyone in my daughter’s class to a party. It was £10 per child plus extra for party bags. About 5 kids had RSVP’d and then just didn’t turn up. Its the sheer lack of thought that in the OPs case parents just assumed they could bring extra kids (which was clearly going to be an extra expense for the host) and in my case, I paid out money for children that didn’t turn up (by no way the kids fault but all the parents)

Message the parents concerned, explain the situation and ask them to kindly and politely pay for their additional child. You simply explain that as this was not just one extra but several it has cost you too much. Be ever so friendly and they’ll be guilted into paying. If you do not do this it will happen every single time your child has a birthday party. I had one woman bring three older siblings once. Absolute piss take.