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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . to be annoyed at these parents?

202 replies

BananaBreadstick · 16/12/2024 00:20

Booked DD's 6th birthday party in our local church hall. I paid for a chocolate/sweet-making class for twenty kids; all parents confirmed they'd be going - great.

As people started to arrive, I noticed there were some older children arriving too, clearly siblings of the party attendees, but I was too involved with greetings and helping the chocolate workshop people set up to worry about if.

When the chocolate class started, I was busy in the kitchen getting food sorted for when the children had finished, so I didn't realise that the older children all lined up to collect chocolate-making supplies and joined in the class. The chocolate guys came up to me after, quite apologetically, and said that 25 kids had taken part, so there would be a balancing payment for the extra children. They'd told me this in advance - the package was for 20 but any extra would be £10 per child - and that was fine by me, as I didn't anticipate there would be any extra children! I reassured them that it was fine, not their fault, and I'd settle the balance, but I'm really annoyed at the parents who, firstly, didn't ask if it was okay for siblings to come, and secondly allowed them to take part in the activity. I even had to stop three of the older kids taking party bags as I only had one spare.

AIBU or is this just incredibly rude of the parents? If they'd asked in advance if siblings could come, I would have explained that the activity was chargeable per child so I was limited on numbers for that, but the siblings would be welcome to attend and have a slice of cake if the parents didn't have childcare. But to not even give me a heads-up . . . Angry

OP posts:
Cakencookieobsessed · 16/12/2024 04:28

Yes they were rude. However I don't understand why you were charged extra. They didn't use any extra materials than what they had brought with them, only what was there.

mathanxiety · 16/12/2024 04:45

It's unbelievably rude.

In effect, you paid to take their children off their hands for the afternoon.

Next time you have a party, make sure the invitation says, in caps, NO SIBLINGS. You shouldn't have to do this, but clearly you're dealing with a set of CFers.

adorablecat · 16/12/2024 04:53

AmethystRuby · 16/12/2024 00:38

yes rude, but realistically if they gave you a heads up it wouldnt have been great to exclude the older kids from the chocolate activity. they should have asked though

The uninvited siblings should not have been there at all, that's the point!

endofthelinefinally · 16/12/2024 04:55

This happened to me decades ago. A couple of mums brought several much older siblings to my 5 year old's party. While I was sorting out the entertainer and getting the little ones seated, the older kids opened the party bags and started eating the food. I was furious but parents like this don't care. Those children were never invited again.

Neodymium · 16/12/2024 05:02

I can still remember a birthday party I had - my mum invited the whole class and 2 girls older sisters came, I don’t know if the whole time or at the end. I can remember them being really mean to me, and teasing me as they were not nice girls and I was shy and chubby and wore glasses, and I think my party theme was ‘babyish’ and not letting me go on the swing. I actually didn’t ever invite the girls in my grade again as I disliked their sisters so much. They were also mean and teased me at school.

so I think it’s perfectly ok to exclude older siblings. They are not the ones who the birthday child has chosen to celebrate with.

marmia1234 · 16/12/2024 05:13

This is so weird to me. The child that is invited goes to the party. If you have to sit bored out of your mind at the venue ( after paying) buying food and drinks and entrance fee if there is one, for your child;s sibling. So be it. Or go to Maccas, Do some shopping. Don't dump your uninvited child on poor parents trying to make a nice party for their child and their friends.
I've explained before, but I think it might be an AUS/ NZ thing. Here, we drop the invited child off and leave, after confirming pick up time . Its not hard. Parents hanging around are almost worse. ( yes yes ND exception, most though seem to be helicopter parents)

HappyTwo · 16/12/2024 05:16

The chocolate making company should have told you before they started that there were extra kids

Oblomov24 · 16/12/2024 05:16

Shocking that this is now the norm. Entitled.

Aberentian · 16/12/2024 05:22

AmethystRuby · 16/12/2024 00:38

yes rude, but realistically if they gave you a heads up it wouldnt have been great to exclude the older kids from the chocolate activity. they should have asked though

Are you going to pay for it, then?

Maryward · 16/12/2024 05:40

You always need extra party bags though as younger siblings inevitably put their hand out and cry when their sibling gets a bag😂😂 Not great when kids crying all over the place at pick up time! The bags don’t have to have all of tge the same treats in them.

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 05:47

Any parent that brings another child along is rude as fuck.

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 05:48

Maryward · 16/12/2024 05:40

You always need extra party bags though as younger siblings inevitably put their hand out and cry when their sibling gets a bag😂😂 Not great when kids crying all over the place at pick up time! The bags don’t have to have all of tge the same treats in them.

So? You just tell them no, it’s for the party guests.
They are on their way out of the door so who cares if they cry for the last minute or so, their parents should be teaching them some manners.

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 05:49

HappyTwo · 16/12/2024 05:16

The chocolate making company should have told you before they started that there were extra kids

Or the OP could have supervised better and made it clear to the parents who brought multiple kids that the activity is only for the invited?

Microgal · 16/12/2024 05:59

Where were the parents?! I would have instantly told them that I didn’t have money or space to I include the sibling!! Why did you just go along with it?!

Microgal · 16/12/2024 06:01

I definitely would have made the parent pay for the sibling!

LoveRicePudding · 16/12/2024 06:03

AmethystRuby · 16/12/2024 00:38

yes rude, but realistically if they gave you a heads up it wouldnt have been great to exclude the older kids from the chocolate activity. they should have asked though

Are you one of those who have no problem accommodating stray relatives, their siblings and friends when they come over to a festive dinner and end up cooking and baking and buying food for 40 instead of 15? Because most people have to think with their wallets too. Also, generally, this is considered rather impolite.

SharpOpalNewt · 16/12/2024 06:05

I'd send a Whatsapp and embarass them. Cheeky fuckers.

It only happened to me once with a joint party for DD2. It was a village hall/bouncy castle type party so a few more didn't matter per se - it just shocked me because the set of parents I knew with DD1 wouldn't have dreamed of just turning up with extra siblings without asking. If they did, there was no expectation of a party bag. And it wasn't just extra siblings, a couple of kids seemed to bring their whole family and as I started putting the food out for the kids, a couple of grannies started tucking in! I had to ask them to wait until the kids had eaten. They seemed to think it was a whole village event or something, not a little kids party. There were several extra kids queuing up for party bags at the end - another mum was sorting this out and had brought extra, but I felt stressed for her. Definitely needed a glass of wine and a lie down after.

goldencabbage · 16/12/2024 06:07

I was too involved with greetings and helping the chocolate workshop people set up to worry about if. when you was greeting them was the opportunity to say something like, welcome to join in with the rest but not the activity I'm afraid. Or something like that.

However this sort of thing puts me right off doing a class party for my kid - it's so rude

goldencabbage · 16/12/2024 06:10

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 05:49

Or the OP could have supervised better and made it clear to the parents who brought multiple kids that the activity is only for the invited?

Show quote history

That would have helped but it's not her fault here. Why anyone would assume it was a free for all is beyond me

goldencabbage · 16/12/2024 06:11

Maryward · 16/12/2024 05:40

You always need extra party bags though as younger siblings inevitably put their hand out and cry when their sibling gets a bag😂😂 Not great when kids crying all over the place at pick up time! The bags don’t have to have all of tge the same treats in them.

Tough shit. They weren't meant to be there in the first place. Their parent can deal with the tears

Zanatdy · 16/12/2024 06:12

Absolutely so rude of them. Why on earth do they think it’s acceptable to allow their child to attend a party when they aren’t invited?

goldencabbage · 16/12/2024 06:16

Zanatdy · 16/12/2024 06:12

Absolutely so rude of them. Why on earth do they think it’s acceptable to allow their child to attend a party when they aren’t invited?

I think some parents use it as free entertainment or their other kid. Really shitty move isn't it.

Zanatdy · 16/12/2024 06:18

Happyinarcon · 16/12/2024 03:59

Never had any parents ever bring siblings to my kids party let alone have them take part in activities unnoticed. I’m surprised it happened with multiple parents at one event

You’re lucky then as most parents will have experience of that. I certainly did, invited children had to share a chair as one sibling sat down for the food (it was a soft play so I assumed her dad had just paid for her to play and he would get her some food whilst the party kids ate). The mother of this child did text me to apologise profusely, her husband had no clue. I said it was fine of course, but I had to pay for another child. Parties in church halls, I didn’t find a few extra kids show up, and always took extra party bags, but generally the parents asked if it was ok for them to stay too, which it was when not being charged per head.

Zanatdy · 16/12/2024 06:19

Cakencookieobsessed · 16/12/2024 04:28

Yes they were rude. However I don't understand why you were charged extra. They didn't use any extra materials than what they had brought with them, only what was there.

Edited

Because they can’t use that material for another party, maybe they had to crack open extra supplies, and they aren’t a charity, but a business. Of course it was right that they charged for the extra kids.

Littlemisscapable · 16/12/2024 06:22

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 05:49

Or the OP could have supervised better and made it clear to the parents who brought multiple kids that the activity is only for the invited?

Show quote history

Why should she have to ? This is coming up on here all the time... the ticket idea is cute but effectively the invite was the ticket !!!!! you don't turn up at a birthday party with anyone other than the invited kid. Honestly what is so difficult about this ?