. . . to be annoyed at these parents?

[BananaBreadstick]

Booked DD's 6th birthday party in our local church hall. I paid for a chocolate/sweet-making class for twenty kids; all parents confirmed they'd be going - great.

As people started to arrive, I noticed there were some older children arriving too, clearly siblings of the party attendees, but I was too involved with greetings and helping the chocolate workshop people set up to worry about if.

When the chocolate class started, I was busy in the kitchen getting food sorted for when the children had finished, so I didn't realise that the older children all lined up to collect chocolate-making supplies and joined in the class. The chocolate guys came up to me after, quite apologetically, and said that 25 kids had taken part, so there would be a balancing payment for the extra children. They'd told me this in advance - the package was for 20 but any extra would be £10 per child - and that was fine by me, as I didn't anticipate there would be any extra children! I reassured them that it was fine, not their fault, and I'd settle the balance, but I'm really annoyed at the parents who, firstly, didn't ask if it was okay for siblings to come, and secondly allowed them to take part in the activity. I even had to stop three of the older kids taking party bags as I only had one spare.

AIBU or is this just incredibly rude of the parents? If they'd asked in advance if siblings could come, I would have explained that the activity was chargeable per child so I was limited on numbers for that, but the siblings would be welcome to attend and have a slice of cake if the parents didn't have childcare. But to not even give me a heads-up . . .

Sounds rubbish for the kids too. I never wanted to go to a party with a load of kids my brother's age. Or to share a party with random older kids.

This.

Call them out on their rude assumptions!!!

I was that mum who had to take both of my kids everywhere (single mum no family nearby), both of my kids have spent time at parties they weren’t invited to. However, if older DD was invited I would leave younger DD in the pushchair, read her a book and give her a snack, if younger DD was invited, older DD would bring a book or small toy/colouring and sit at a table in the corner with me. Or with soft play I would pay for the non invited sibling and keep little DD in the toddler area away from the party if her sister was the one invited, or tell older DD to go off and play on her own and make some friends like she would during a normal soft play visit and not to bother the birthday party group if it was a little ones party that her sister was attending, and I would buy a separate meal and get them to eat with me, not gatecrash the party room. Once they were old enough to drop and go at parties it did get easier.

OP those, families were really rude to just presume their other kids could join in as well!

Of course it would. They were not invited to the party.

ALWAYS write - due to the activity / entertainer we can not accomodate siblings

I was going to say this - that’s the form of words that means “don’t even try it”. Mind you, I know one family who went to every party as a group and treated it like a family day out; the dad would plonk himself down and start on the party food as soon as he got through the door. I also found that rather presumptuous; one parent staying to keep an eye when they’re tiny is one thing, but loads of extra adults makes for a lot of extra work (as you feel obliged to offer coffee etc on a loop). One of you take the child and one of you do something else with the other one(s), surely?

So you have the numbers of the parents who RSVP'd to your paper invites.

Then set up your OWN WhatsApp group as a way to say thanks to those that replied and also for showing up and helping your daughter celebrate her birthday. Then go into the point about it be a cost per child etc. and could they not make the assumption that just because of the location for the party, it meant a free-for-all on the guests that could participate.

Another way to work this would be to have your own stickers/badges ready and only have the number of badges for the number of kids who are celebrating with the names of the kids that you invited on them. As they arrive, they get a badge (their siblings don't) and it's arranged that only kids with a badge can take part.

Are you serious? They quoted and were paid per child. 5 more is a lot to accommodate. I run art workshops and always carry spare materials in case of the unexpected, but if I used extra I'd expect to be paid for it. It's also more work.

They would have brought extra just in case.
Can you really not understand that extra people will mean extra ingredients used? Extra child attention? Would you think a nanny looking after one child should not charge extra for any additional child as they would be there anyway? Or a restaurant shouldn't charge per head as they have the ingredients in the kitchen already?

Really rude.
Complete CF territory.

I wouldn't leave my 6 year old at a party.

The OP explains quite clearly in the OP

Did your dd enjoy her party?

Having older kids join in wouldn't have been enjoyable for some kids.

Very rude. In retrospect lots of ways to avoid it but hindsight is 20/20. For now just chalk it u to experience and be prepared knowing those parents who'll take advantage.

There’s always one 🙄

I find it really rude to bring siblings without checking ahead with the host, and I would turn uninvited people away at the door. Sometimes parents say oh invited child can't come unless their sibling comes too in which case I'd say oh such a shame.

I'd also say on the invitation, "parents welcome to stay but sorry no siblings".

This!

I might try that.. oh you were cooking anyway so I'll have a steak thanks

Yes I find the entitlement complex really bad with a lot of people these days. These party goers would probably have the attitude of: ‘oh but it’s not fair for Jacinta to take part and not her older brother’

I went for a day out recently with lots of activities that needed queueing up for. The amount of people that just let their kids push in! I said to one mum about the queue and she said “oh they’re just kids, they got excited”. Well yes, mine are too but you as the parent need to guide them to queue and respect others?! Then another mum who let her kids take about 20 mins on this sleigh thing with a massive queue. Again, when I mentioned it, she said “oh but they don’t want to get off yet” No shit Sherlock, you’re the parent here - ever thought you might have to make them get off to give others a turn?? Clueless!!

Parenting is hard work, sometimes you have to explain to your child that they aren't included in X activity. They are only there because sibling was invited.

Maybe if those parents were forced to do that they would put some effort into either arranging child care for other siblings or ask a parent who is free to stay if they'd mind keeping an eye on the invitee while drop and run to entertain the others.

Before anyone jumps on me, I am aware that some people have no family support (I'm one of them) some people are single parents (I was one) some children won't be left (2/3 of mine are that way) these were all things for me to manage if my child wanted to be at a party.

Always, always write on the invite which children you expect. Saves so much hassle all round.

Incredibly rude!

Church hall parties here are pretty much always open to siblings but I would always check first anyway and if there was an organised activity like there was here, no way would I allow the uninvited child take part. And of course we also wouldn't expect a party bag. Even my 2yo knows that it's a party for her sister's friends and she's just happy if she gets to come and jump on a bouncy castle.

I

I've never stayed at a 6yo party ( excluding my own kids parties of course!)
Also, did someone upthread say they had a teenager turn up at a toddlers party? Mortifying. If you can get your child to the party then you don't need a babysitter, go to a cafe, do some shopping with your other child. If you are worried about your invited childs behaviour then read a book quietly in a corner and if other child is younger hand them your phone, then an ice-block then go for a whiz around the block in the pram and sit quiety waiting for the party to finish, It's usually 2 hours!
I have honestly never heard of a child being abducted from a child's party. I assume that is what everyone is worried about?
What do people do when their kids start sports?Do you stay for all the training sessions for each of them? What about if the 6yo 's training clashes with the 7yo's time?
Maybe different countries have different levels of stress about children.

Wow, that's so incredibly rude! Chocolate making is clearly a "pay by person" activity so the parents should have known. Cost aside, it is unfair on your daughter to have children she doesnt know at her party.

Group WhatsApp, explain what’s happened and that the chocolate making was an activity paid per head for those specifically invited. Say you had to cover the extra cost, and that next time you’d appreciate a heads up if parents are bringing siblings because it’s not on to assume that activities are free for all, or that there will be enough of other provisions to go around. Make it perfectly clear that you don’t appreciate children with whom your DD is not friends, or doesn’t actually know, rocking up and expecting to take part.