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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . to be annoyed at these parents?

202 replies

BananaBreadstick · 16/12/2024 00:20

Booked DD's 6th birthday party in our local church hall. I paid for a chocolate/sweet-making class for twenty kids; all parents confirmed they'd be going - great.

As people started to arrive, I noticed there were some older children arriving too, clearly siblings of the party attendees, but I was too involved with greetings and helping the chocolate workshop people set up to worry about if.

When the chocolate class started, I was busy in the kitchen getting food sorted for when the children had finished, so I didn't realise that the older children all lined up to collect chocolate-making supplies and joined in the class. The chocolate guys came up to me after, quite apologetically, and said that 25 kids had taken part, so there would be a balancing payment for the extra children. They'd told me this in advance - the package was for 20 but any extra would be £10 per child - and that was fine by me, as I didn't anticipate there would be any extra children! I reassured them that it was fine, not their fault, and I'd settle the balance, but I'm really annoyed at the parents who, firstly, didn't ask if it was okay for siblings to come, and secondly allowed them to take part in the activity. I even had to stop three of the older kids taking party bags as I only had one spare.

AIBU or is this just incredibly rude of the parents? If they'd asked in advance if siblings could come, I would have explained that the activity was chargeable per child so I was limited on numbers for that, but the siblings would be welcome to attend and have a slice of cake if the parents didn't have childcare. But to not even give me a heads-up . . . Angry

OP posts:
OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 07:24

Littlemisscapable · 16/12/2024 06:22

Why should she have to ? This is coming up on here all the time... the ticket idea is cute but effectively the invite was the ticket !!!!! you don't turn up at a birthday party with anyone other than the invited kid. Honestly what is so difficult about this ?

Show quote history

Because it’s a party she organised and ran. No she shouldn’t have had too but now she’s £50 down because when she greeted people she didn’t say a simple sentence.

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 07:25

hulahula2 · 16/12/2024 06:28

In this case it was very rude of the parents as it was fairly obvious it was a pay per person activity. They cost you money and that's not fair at all.

But in general I don't get the whole outrage of bringing siblings to parties providing they behave and understand they might not get a party bag etc. I've always done church hall free for alls for my dc. Lots of food, lots of balloons, games and plenty of space to run around. So it makes no difference if a couple of extra kids are there. Some people have no choice but to bring them and surely you'd rather that than have hardly anyone there?

No, I would rather people didn’t accept invites if they had to bring the whole clan.

Fizbosshoes · 16/12/2024 07:26

This is unbelievably rude, especially for a clearly booked and paid per head activity. What if you had not got another 50 spare?

SunnyHappyPeople · 16/12/2024 07:27

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 05:49

Or the OP could have supervised better and made it clear to the parents who brought multiple kids that the activity is only for the invited?

Show quote history

You do realise being a host means you are incredibly busy, being pulled in many directions? I suspect you are one of those people that never throw a party or event, help out and mark yourself as event critic to slag everything and everyone off.

User4638373836333 · 16/12/2024 07:32

In this instance I would be annoyed too, if they had asked then I wouldn’t mind so much but that is just cheeky! I had a whole class party in the village hall for dd, a lot of siblings showed up but honestly in that case it was fine as I was not paying per head.

when I booked the trampoline park the next year, a few parents paid for the siblings to bounce at the same time which was fine. There was now expectation for me to let them join in but some did join in with the food and cake etc which I really didn’t mind. But turning up with the expectation is rude. Also sometimes I feel sorry for the kids, some kids want to enjoy a party without their siblings if possible.

I know a lady, her son was invited to a party at a water park and she could have easily left her other son at home with his dad but she took but no she took him too and demanded he joined in without asking prior! Since then she’s had another child, literally the whole family turn up with the younger one in tow, eating lots of food, leaving a mess etc. they are shameless!

Cakeandusername · 16/12/2024 07:35

I can easily see how it’s happened, Op is really busy sorting food. You might notice a parent arriving with a sibling for childcare reasons but never think they’d have cheek to join in activity. If you do it again I’d be clear you can’t accommodate siblings.
Do you speak to parents, I’d not be shy about saying it had cost you extra. If the chocolate company hadn’t brought spares you would have had 5 upset invited party guests.

Tiswa · 16/12/2024 07:36

AmethystRuby · 16/12/2024 00:38

yes rude, but realistically if they gave you a heads up it wouldnt have been great to exclude the older kids from the chocolate activity. they should have asked though

Why? Any older sibling would be 8+ and perfectly aware that it was their younger siblings activity

it is poor parenting - bringing a younger one to these things I can see bit older should be able to make arrangements and they were just chancing it

Radionowhere · 16/12/2024 07:38

I'd be so pissed off I'd ask the parents of the interlopers to cough up the extra cash. But that's just me 😆

Marshtit · 16/12/2024 07:38

i suggest you take the money from those whose siblings took part

Pancakeflipper · 16/12/2024 07:39

AmethystRuby · 16/12/2024 00:38

yes rude, but realistically if they gave you a heads up it wouldnt have been great to exclude the older kids from the chocolate activity. they should have asked though

Absolutely not ok.

Her DD wants a party with herfriends for her birthday.

Why does the OP have to pay unexpected extra monies (good job they can afford it) just because some parents can't parent their own children and say "this is xxx's party invite"

It's not a free-for-all. Activities are expensive.
Be respectful.

GoldenLegend · 16/12/2024 07:49

If you know which extra kids you paid for, I’d ask their parents to reimburse you!

BeaLola · 16/12/2024 07:53

Hayley1256 · 16/12/2024 00:43

I always put on party invitons now something along the lines of ' please let me know if you are planning on bringing siblings'

I'd put the reverse if it was a paid for per guest activity to avoid what happened to op

Why should your child have older kids that aren't their friends at their party ?

Ewock · 16/12/2024 07:55

AmethystRuby · 16/12/2024 00:38

yes rude, but realistically if they gave you a heads up it wouldnt have been great to exclude the older kids from the chocolate activity. they should have asked though

So rude of op not to include uninvited chn. Really?
That's crazy. It's rude to bring extra chn, it's rude for them to stay, it's rude to let them join in with something they are not invited to. I would ask those parents for the money.

We've had this with one friend of my dd, the parents always bring her little brother. It didn't bother me the last 2 years as we were at soft play places, I made it clear to her she'd need to pay his entry and there was no food for him as we'd booked a package. I also didn't give him a party bag as we had no spares. My dd doesn't like him really so no way I was going to pay extra for him.
We had a different type of party this year and I put on their invite that we could not accommodate siblings. She didn't end up coming as she was ill so we didn't have to deal with it.
It's incredibly rude to bring along extra kids.

Pipconkermash · 16/12/2024 07:58

The behaviour from seemingly normal parents when it comes to parties never fails to astonish me.

If we said to them “you’ve brought your older child without asking me, and have now told them to join in, and now I have to pay an extra bill to cover your uninvited older child, who my child doesn’t know…” I wonder if they’d understand their insanity or try to justify it.

Ewock · 16/12/2024 07:59

Maryward · 16/12/2024 05:40

You always need extra party bags though as younger siblings inevitably put their hand out and cry when their sibling gets a bag😂😂 Not great when kids crying all over the place at pick up time! The bags don’t have to have all of tge the same treats in them.

Nope never had extra party bags and it's worked out fine. If little kids get upset their parents can explain. I'm not here to provide for everyone just the ones invited

BeaLola · 16/12/2024 08:00

Maryward · 16/12/2024 05:40

You always need extra party bags though as younger siblings inevitably put their hand out and cry when their sibling gets a bag😂😂 Not great when kids crying all over the place at pick up time! The bags don’t have to have all of tge the same treats in them.

Why - you have a party bag per guest

When DS was 5 (now 17) I had an all class party and it was first real party he had . I had fond sticker books with a pack of sweets for attendees & as near Christmas had wrapped in festive paper - each had child's name on with a thank you from DS for attending.

I will never forget one girl from his class trying to take 4 party bags from table as she was leaving and DS had handed her hers - her Mum just stood behind her and said "oh she's thinking of her brothers at home" - I politely took them from her and said " these are for BeaLolaSons friends to thank them for coming today" and extra ated the packs

Birchtree1 · 16/12/2024 08:00

I have had to take my other child to birthday parties before as I have no one to look after them. I would always check with birthday child's parent first. Pay for entrance ( if softplay) and also pay for their food or take a lunchbox.
If I had had to take my child along to your party due to no childcare if wouldn't have allowed them to join in the activity. Or probably would have ended up just dropping invited child off and picked up later.

Littlemisscapable · 16/12/2024 08:00

This topic is always crazy... there are still lots of people on here who seem to think that it is OK to bring other siblings to parties. It is not OK!!! The op has enough to do when hosting a party ..as well checking if that extra sibling who has arrived at the door with mum will end up staying or not. Why would a parent bring a sibling who isn't invited to a party and assume they can just join in..... its just rude and entitled ! Op really shouldn't have to tell people this, it's common sense.

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 16/12/2024 08:08

BananaBreadstick · 16/12/2024 00:20

Booked DD's 6th birthday party in our local church hall. I paid for a chocolate/sweet-making class for twenty kids; all parents confirmed they'd be going - great.

As people started to arrive, I noticed there were some older children arriving too, clearly siblings of the party attendees, but I was too involved with greetings and helping the chocolate workshop people set up to worry about if.

When the chocolate class started, I was busy in the kitchen getting food sorted for when the children had finished, so I didn't realise that the older children all lined up to collect chocolate-making supplies and joined in the class. The chocolate guys came up to me after, quite apologetically, and said that 25 kids had taken part, so there would be a balancing payment for the extra children. They'd told me this in advance - the package was for 20 but any extra would be £10 per child - and that was fine by me, as I didn't anticipate there would be any extra children! I reassured them that it was fine, not their fault, and I'd settle the balance, but I'm really annoyed at the parents who, firstly, didn't ask if it was okay for siblings to come, and secondly allowed them to take part in the activity. I even had to stop three of the older kids taking party bags as I only had one spare.

AIBU or is this just incredibly rude of the parents? If they'd asked in advance if siblings could come, I would have explained that the activity was chargeable per child so I was limited on numbers for that, but the siblings would be welcome to attend and have a slice of cake if the parents didn't have childcare. But to not even give me a heads-up . . . Angry

I’d make it clear on the party invitation that siblings aren’t invited. I don’t know why people think it’s ok to overload a child’s birthday party with kids they don’t actually know

SkankingWombat · 16/12/2024 08:15

SweetBobby · 16/12/2024 06:52

Rude and entitled behaviour. I'd be tempted to play them at their own game and they they owe you £10 each.

This. I'd be sending a message along the lines of 'It was lovely (invited child) was able to celebrate (bday child's) birthday with her, she had the most fantastic afternoon. I have settled up with the entertainer for additional siblings, rather than leaving them trying to manage multiple payments coming in and trying to tally them. It was £10 per extra child. Cash is fine, or I can give you my bank details if that's easier."

YANBU OP. If you really have no choice but to bring siblings (and I would explore another parent taking my invited child along with theirs or if drop & go was an option first), you ask nicely in advance if it is OK, stating you do not expect them to be catered for in any way and will bring everything they need to keep them entertained for the duration. The host can then have the chance to accommodate if they are able and want to, or say no.
As a host, I have been happy to have siblings where possible, but sometimes this has meant the parent has had to pay for their place/entry, or just attend and watch from the side. Some parties, where there were a specific number of places and no space to sit and watch, I put on the invite that no siblings could be accommodated. I was always happy for hall disco-type parties to be child plus siblings.

Parker231 · 16/12/2024 08:16

Maryward · 16/12/2024 05:40

You always need extra party bags though as younger siblings inevitably put their hand out and cry when their sibling gets a bag😂😂 Not great when kids crying all over the place at pick up time! The bags don’t have to have all of tge the same treats in them.

I never gave anything to siblings - they aren’t part of the party. Their parents can deal with them if they start crying.

2025istheyear · 16/12/2024 08:18

Did you have enough adults to supervise the party without parents having to stay?

Did you insist parents stayed for the entire party or could they drop off their child and leave?

I always made extra party bags to accommodate any siblings.

I would have a sign saying party guests paid for any siblings who want to join in pay the chocolate person directly.

DrZaraCarmichael · 16/12/2024 08:25

OoohChristmastreeee · 16/12/2024 05:47

Any parent that brings another child along is rude as fuck.

Totally agree. I have three kids and we often had to juggle children while taking one to a party and trying to amuse the other two, we went to the park, or did shopping or to the library - it would never have occurred to me to just assume the other two could join in.

Rude as fuck AND entitled. Tickets clearly the way to go.

DrZaraCarmichael · 16/12/2024 08:27

Also on the "I don't get the outrage, it's such fun when there are more children" - the birthday child wants their FRIENDS at their party. Not their friends, and rhe friends' siblings that their cheeky arsed parents brought along.

TinyTear · 16/12/2024 08:28

@BananaBreadstick rookie mistake! ALWAYS Always and I can't state enough, ALWAYS write - due to the activity / entertainer we can not accomodate siblings

There will always be the ones to try - there is a notorious family in my kids school - but as kids get older and parties get smaller it does get easier...