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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd - unknown teen wearabouts

208 replies

BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:12

Good morning all

I have a bit of a situation and everyone I know is asleep so not sure how to deal with it!

My 17 yr old went to a party last night, said she was staying at her friends house which is about a 10 minute walk from ours. All fine. I asked her to make sure her Life360 was on please, just in case of emergencies. Which she did. I've woken up at 5am and just thought I'd have a quick look to make sure she'd got back to her friends and I can she see is not at her friends, she's at some random address in a not particularly nice area about ten mins drive from our house. She's been there since about half midnight.

What do I do!? I've tried calling her 20 times now - no answer. Not reading my messages. She quite likely could be asleep but I'm worried sick she's got in a state and been taken somewhere. What would you do in this situation? If I have to tell my husband (he stepdad) that i need to go and find her all hell will break out because we're supposed to be taking our two smaller children to see santa with his family in about 3 hours (a very expensive outing paid for by his mum).

Shall I wait a couple of hours and try again?? Or go looking for her? I'm so angry with her! And bloody tired!

OP posts:
JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 14/12/2024 06:15

Hi. Have you tried calling the friend she's supposed to be with or anyone else who was at the party

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:15

Sorry - title slightly misleading. I DO know her whereabouts, I just don't know why she is there or if she is safe

OP posts:
FanofLeaves · 14/12/2024 06:15

Look, the most likely explanation is that she’s at some sort of after party and maybe crashed out. I doubt she’s been ‘taken’! What’s a life360? I hate to say it but when I was 17 I’d die before I’d let my parents know exactly where I was at all times!

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:16

@JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth I've what's app'd her. No reply. Maybe I should call

OP posts:
JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 14/12/2024 06:17

I don't think she'll appreciate you going round there banging on doors. Most of us have no idea where our teens are most of the time. Carry on with your day and she'll call you back when she wakes up. She'll have some explaining to do though!

Tel12 · 14/12/2024 06:18

I'd call. Then go and get her. You had an agreement. She could need you.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 14/12/2024 06:18

Oh if you haven't called her you should do. At least to settle your mind

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:19

@FanofLeaves oh believe me... it's a very good job my parents couldn't track my whereabouts in the 90's. But we downloaded it when she started secondary school, and it's handy to have. I'm not about stopping her having fun/ going to after parties (although I know full well what happens at after parties), but I am worried she's got herself in a pickle and someone has taken advantage of her

OP posts:
Tel12 · 14/12/2024 06:20

Always agreed a time home with my children and told them I'd call the police if they were 15 minutes late as I'd know they were in trouble if I didn't hear from them. They always let me know as they knew I meant it.

Lex345 · 14/12/2024 06:21

Morning OP kids are such a worry even when they get to teens aren't they!

I am not familiar with Life 360 but from what you have said, its some kind of location tracking thing? Does it show you where she has been over a timeline?

Only you know how normal this would be for your teen-for me at her age, this would have been not a regular things but we did sometimes meet people on nights out and go back to theirs. Has she done this before?

When was she last active on whatsapp of she uses it?
Does she know friends in that area?

I think it very likely she is asleep.What time are you going out today and what time were you expecting her back today?

BulldogMumma · 14/12/2024 06:21

Chances are she's fast asleep. I also have a 17 year old and I would be concerned but I freely admit I'm a worrier. I'd leave a message asking her to call you as soon as she can then go about your day, you can see her location so if need be you can always go get her later if need be

Littlemisscapable · 14/12/2024 06:21

My teens rarely read what's app. Have you tried Snapchat?.I couldn't relax until I knew she was OK. You dh should be more sympathetic...

mumonthehill · 14/12/2024 06:22

At 17 if the agreement is that you can see where she is and she is not where she told you she would be then yes I would call and go and get her. Its not that she has stayed out it is that she has lied and that is the worry.

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:22

@JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth just tried calling the friend. No answer.

OP posts:
FanofLeaves · 14/12/2024 06:24

BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:22

@JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth just tried calling the friend. No answer.

It’s 06:23. People will be asleep! I’m sure the friend would have raised the alarm of something was wrong. She’s probably sensibly got her phone on silent, I’d be a bit annoyed if my friend’s mum woke me at the crack of dawn after a night out partying.

Guavafish1 · 14/12/2024 06:24

Call her … tell her to get uber home

Lex345 · 14/12/2024 06:24

Just as an aside, I wouldn't keep calling repeatedly in case her battery is getting low (and will make you worry more if you can't get through as it runs out)

SleepyHippy3 · 14/12/2024 06:24

BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:22

@JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth just tried calling the friend. No answer.

OP call your daughter directly.

verycloakanddaggers · 14/12/2024 06:28

SleepyHippy3 · 14/12/2024 06:24

OP call your daughter directly.

Show quote history

It says in the first post the OP has called her DD 20 times.

itsgettingweird · 14/12/2024 06:29

BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:19

@FanofLeaves oh believe me... it's a very good job my parents couldn't track my whereabouts in the 90's. But we downloaded it when she started secondary school, and it's handy to have. I'm not about stopping her having fun/ going to after parties (although I know full well what happens at after parties), but I am worried she's got herself in a pickle and someone has taken advantage of her

As you said - teens have been doing this sort of thing forever.

Difference is now they can be tracked!

That doesn't mean it's a bad thing (tracking) but equally doesn't mean it's not as innocent as when we went elsewhere.

She has made a choice to go elsewhere (likely after a few drinks).

It's more than likely she's fine.

As hard as it is we have to let the kids go just like our parents did and if by a small chance something has happened you can deal with it and she'll re reminded why lying about your whereabouts is never a good idea.

Same way we did if a situation occurred that meant admitting to our parents who hadn't tracked us we weren't where we'd said.

That's not blasé. It's the honest truth of a difficult situation. One none of us want to be in.

Greatpot · 14/12/2024 06:30

There’s not much point calling her or the friend yet. They will be asleep and teens tend to have their phones on silent. I’d message and ask her to call me as soon as she wakes up.
can you see when she was last active on Snapchat?
what time is she supposed to be coming home today?

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:31

The issue is Life360 gives me a rough location but not exact door number etc. I can see what road she is in and roughly what house, or may be a flat. So I can't go and get her without banging on random doors at 6.30am on a Saturday morning.

I've tried calling upwards of 20 times now and she isn't answering. Her friend isn't either. I'm holding on to the hope that if she'd disappeared on their night out and her friend didn't know where she was she would have contacted me?? Although not sure she had my no (I made my daughter give me her friends no. Last night thankfully).

To answer a posters question she's not done this exactly before but we have had a bit of an escalation in the usual 'bad' teenage behaviour lately. She wants to party all the time and got in a bit of trouble for vaping at school recently. She was never like this before sixth form. I'm dreading her turning 18 next year because I'll have absolutely no say in anything she does!

Yes my husband could be more understanding but he's not that kind of man, and pretty fed up with her lately. We're going out early this morning to drive 2 hours to see santa with his family

Sigh... it's gonna be a great day I can just feel it :(

OP posts:
Twittable · 14/12/2024 06:33

Life360 isn’t always accurate on time, she could have left her phone somewhere or had it stolen - it’s not as straightforward as her ignoring you or definitely being somewhere else. Teens are notoriously self centred, I’d send her a message telling her to make contact by 8am latest as you are going out. Then hopefully you’ve got time to get her before you go out with your younger ones. You’ll have time later, when you feel calmer, to discuss rights and responsibilities with her so this doesn’t happen again.

SleepyHippy3 · 14/12/2024 06:35

verycloakanddaggers · 14/12/2024 06:28

It says in the first post the OP has called her DD 20 times.

Show quote history

Apologies, should have read that properly.

Greatpot · 14/12/2024 06:35

It will be fine. You would be blissfully unaware if it wasn’t for life360.
She obviously doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong otherwise she’d have turned off the tracking.
most likely she (and probably her friend) decided to stay at someone else’s house. Do you know where the party was?