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Original poster

Wwyd - unknown teen wearabouts

208 replies

BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 06:12

Good morning all

I have a bit of a situation and everyone I know is asleep so not sure how to deal with it!

My 17 yr old went to a party last night, said she was staying at her friends house which is about a 10 minute walk from ours. All fine. I asked her to make sure her Life360 was on please, just in case of emergencies. Which she did. I've woken up at 5am and just thought I'd have a quick look to make sure she'd got back to her friends and I can she see is not at her friends, she's at some random address in a not particularly nice area about ten mins drive from our house. She's been there since about half midnight.

What do I do!? I've tried calling her 20 times now - no answer. Not reading my messages. She quite likely could be asleep but I'm worried sick she's got in a state and been taken somewhere. What would you do in this situation? If I have to tell my husband (he stepdad) that i need to go and find her all hell will break out because we're supposed to be taking our two smaller children to see santa with his family in about 3 hours (a very expensive outing paid for by his mum).

Shall I wait a couple of hours and try again?? Or go looking for her? I'm so angry with her! And bloody tired!

OP posts:
pixiesaresmall · 14/12/2024 08:26

Just to be aware, we have life360 and it regularly places my daughter a mile down the road from where she actually is in school. It actually places her in a junior school weirdly not the high school she is at. Could it be a signal/mast issue? (I know she's been at school because they text if they miss a class/late for class)
I do hope you find her safe though as soon as possible 🙏🏻

EdithBond · 14/12/2024 08:28

Proteinbananas · 14/12/2024 08:10

This thread is wild.

Poor op's head must be spinning.

I get the worry, I have kids the same age but imagining all sorts of sinister shit is unhelpful at this point.

When you say the area is a worry, is it somewhere she is highly unlikely to find herself? As in, she has no friends there, no reason to be there? Just trying to picture it because I live a very unmumsnetty life and my kids friends live in dodgy areas so that in itself wouldn't be a concern for me

If you are going to go over there, I'd send one last message telling her that's what you're doing. It may prompt a response..

Edited

Me and my kids live in a ‘dodgy area’. We know all our neighbours and the local shopkeepers and everyone is kind to each other. Sure, you have to be streetwise and sensible, but ‘dodgy areas’ have lovely, kind people living in them too.

Petrasings · 14/12/2024 08:28

PuddlesPityParty · 14/12/2024 08:12

Why should he? It’s not even 9am. And what’s he gonna do when he gets there? Scream her name in the street? Get a grip mate.

Show quote history

I am not your mate.
Ops dh should be supporting her and offering to help find their daughter.

The lack of communication is the problem here.

Op I have been on MN forever. You will always have the parents that have had latch key children, and have never really known where they are, or if they are okay. Not for years. You have to parent the way you see fit. You know your dd better than anyone.

We allow our teens plenty of unfettered freedom, but on the understanding they honour their agreements and keep us informed. Otherwise the trust evaporates, and so will their privileges.

This can be a friendly chat with dd, about expectations and consequences. A new agreement is needed and all teens want to feel cared for, regardless of how chill they appear to be.

womenbite · 14/12/2024 08:30

I would be the same as you OP, my DD is 16 and I can track her on Snapchat and always do this when she’s out (she knows I do and is fine with that).

I think in this instance I definitely wouldn’t go round there but keep calling her,, sounds like she’s probably got a bit smashed and passed out somewhere. It’s so easy to start thinking the worst but I think you’d be more likely to hear if something had gone wrong.

AllstarFacilier · 14/12/2024 08:32

She’ll be sleeping it off, I wouldn’t worry about a teenager not answering their phone so early on a Saturday. Wait til a time that they’re likely to be awake before you start to panic. I’d fall asleep at house parties all the time at her age.

Halfblindbunny · 14/12/2024 08:34

I don't track my 17 year old so can't really comment on that part but just wanted to say. We live in the "rough" part of town. People from certain other areas would be horrified if their little darlings were found to be staying here rather than in their "safe" neighborhood but if my teens ever bring their friends here after a night out (generally because we are close to town) I can assure you we make sure they are safe and happy and sometimes even deliver them back home in the morning having fed and watered them. "Rough" part of town does not automatically equal "rough" people.

Jagoda · 14/12/2024 08:39

It’s probably a boy.

I would message and say either you call or message me now, or I am coming to get you.

Hopefully that will elicit a response.

Petrasings · 14/12/2024 08:43

I hope you have found her op.

Remember you are still in a position of power, you fund her life, her phone, her home and everything else - she needs to start respecting some very basic rules - that are in her best interests.

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 08:44

Hi all

I've heard from her. She's OK and hasn't been sold into a human trafficking ring.

Quite possibly an over reaction on my part to worry the way I did, but her having this level of freedom is fairly new to me / us, and we've had some issues with her lately - so please allow me this time lol. I've taken on everyone's advice (particularly the seasoned parents of older kids) for future. Thank you

I really didn't mean to offend anyone re. the comment about the area she is in. My apologies if I did.

Genuinely very grateful for everyone's advice

OP posts:
DragonsFurry · 14/12/2024 08:45

Why are you tracking your DD on Life360 op?

As hard as it is, i feel its important to trust my older teens to make sensible decisions and if anything more sinister happens the police will be able to track them. They also voluntarily track each other (on Snapchat I think) so if I'm worried about one the other one will check, I think this has only ever been needed once.

TeenLifeMum · 14/12/2024 08:46

Last night dd2’s life 360 app told me she’d just left school at 7pm… totally inaccurate. When the message came through we were in a village hall in a different county to where the app was saying. I was planning to delete it today.

assuming dd is where you think she is, take a screen grab and have a chat when she gets home about safety and good/bad choices. Teens are tricky but you do have to hope you’ve given them a good moral compass up to that point.

Hercisback1 · 14/12/2024 08:47

Phew, glad she's OK.

Bet you're glad you didn't go banging on doors!

Wiaa · 14/12/2024 08:47

Life360 is wrong sometimes, my friends son showed as being in a house in the next town when he should have been at the local shops, when she called him he was at the shops ( video call)

Lex345 · 14/12/2024 08:47

BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 08:44

Hi all

I've heard from her. She's OK and hasn't been sold into a human trafficking ring.

Quite possibly an over reaction on my part to worry the way I did, but her having this level of freedom is fairly new to me / us, and we've had some issues with her lately - so please allow me this time lol. I've taken on everyone's advice (particularly the seasoned parents of older kids) for future. Thank you

I really didn't mean to offend anyone re. the comment about the area she is in. My apologies if I did.

Genuinely very grateful for everyone's advice

Brilliant news OP and your reaction was completely normal and understandable-have genuinely been there working myself into a frenzy with worry over it. It does get a little easier over time, especially if they take on board your perspective and agree to let you know they are OK in advance x

Make sure you get yourself a lovely treat today x

PoupeeGonflable · 14/12/2024 08:48

CissOff · 14/12/2024 07:50

Glad I’m not the only one who has this front and centre in her mind.

Some teenage girl was sexually assaulted in a car park last week by a 23 year old, near us. It does happen. I just don’t want it happening to my daughter.

Show quote history

How would a tracking app prevent the assault? They only gives an approximate location, so you cannot be precise, and they certainly do not show you what the person you are tracking is doing.

EdithBond · 14/12/2024 08:48

AllstarFacilier · 14/12/2024 08:32

She’ll be sleeping it off, I wouldn’t worry about a teenager not answering their phone so early on a Saturday. Wait til a time that they’re likely to be awake before you start to panic. I’d fall asleep at house parties all the time at her age.

I agree. While I understand the worry, if OP has called 20 times that’s getting a bit much. She’ll wake up, look at her phone and see 20 missed calls, which will make her think her mum is OTT. It’s not like she said she’d be back last night and is therefore missing. She said she was staying out. She’ll soon be 18. You have to let adult kids have privacy and make their own decisions. The more anxious, worried and panicky you get, the less they’ll be honest with you about what they’re up to, which means you can’t help them be sensible. Better to not bat an eyelid but talk to them about how to be sensible and keep aware of any warning signs. Being a parent of young adults means you have to let go.

Active13 · 14/12/2024 08:49

BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 08:44

Hi all

I've heard from her. She's OK and hasn't been sold into a human trafficking ring.

Quite possibly an over reaction on my part to worry the way I did, but her having this level of freedom is fairly new to me / us, and we've had some issues with her lately - so please allow me this time lol. I've taken on everyone's advice (particularly the seasoned parents of older kids) for future. Thank you

I really didn't mean to offend anyone re. the comment about the area she is in. My apologies if I did.

Genuinely very grateful for everyone's advice

I am glad she is ok. Don't apologise for being worried OP. This is a learning experience for you & your daughter.
Enjoy Santa 🎅

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 08:49

Thank you xx

I plan on really enjoying the innocence of my smaller kids visiting santa today!! This stage is gone before we know it isn't it! Xx

OP posts:
Lex345 · 14/12/2024 08:50

BeShyPlumLeader · 14/12/2024 08:49

Thank you xx

I plan on really enjoying the innocence of my smaller kids visiting santa today!! This stage is gone before we know it isn't it! Xx

What I wouldn't give to have those years back! Have a lovely day with Santa!

CAJIE · 14/12/2024 08:51

Hang on.I do think people should know where their teens are at 17 for goodness sake.Sure things have changed but I do find this odd that it seems to be ok not to know.

LBFseBrom · 14/12/2024 08:53

This is not an 'unknown teen', she is your daughter. It seems you have roughly pinpointed her whereabouts, if not the precise address. She's seventeen, not thirteen, and is entitled to go where she pleases without a parent following her movements. She'll be home soon.

When young people go out their plans often change, that's normal.

Halfblindbunny · 14/12/2024 08:53

CAJIE · 14/12/2024 08:51

Hang on.I do think people should know where their teens are at 17 for goodness sake.Sure things have changed but I do find this odd that it seems to be ok not to know.

Of course it's ok not to know. When is your cut off for not knowing your child's location at all times?

mjdle · 14/12/2024 08:53

Pleased she's safe, I always say to my now 18 and 21 year old (I know I should let go at some point) I don't care where you are as long as I know if you're in trouble I can find you. They still keep their find my phone on for me. When they were under 18 it was a condition of me paying their phone bills, and if they didn't answer (within reason) I'd play the lost phone sound to get their attention x

PiastriThePastry · 14/12/2024 08:56

Glad she’s alright. I’d be having a calm chat with her today, just explain you were worried and could she please message in future with where she’s staying if plans change. You’re her mum, you love her etc. She may not listen, but she definitely won’t if you bollock her!

Petrasings · 14/12/2024 08:57

So glad she is okay op!

This is a new stage for her too, and she will be navigating through it in a different way op. A friendly chat to lay out expectations will pave the way forward. You sound like a lovely mum, and enjoy your little ones today