To feel utterly deflated that it’s ‘only 12k a year’ and to ask when is enough?

[Haddenouggh]

I left a very abusive man when my child was 1. I claimed maintenance and worked myself into the ground to try and recover. My child is now 3 and I’ve paid off 17k worth of debt and since March I’ve been saving 1k a month. I know the golden rule is not to share details about finances but I was proud I had dug myself out of a hole and now have a few thousand saved too. My brother who is usually very supportive turned round and said to me that I had a long way to go before financial security as 1k a month is ‘effectively only 12k a year.’ Well yes I know that but surely it’s a start? I had envisaged slowing down the saving soon to do more stuff with dd, maybe reducing saving to 500 a month. After his comment I just feel totally deflated. I have a mortgage still but most people do my age.

I don’t need anyone to be kind to me and say I’m doing well if I’m not, I genuinely would like perspective on this and whether I am deluded that I was making a good start. I can’t physically save more than 1k so in some ways I guess it’s pointless asking but I feel so bloody fed up and suppose I know deep down that 12k a year isn’t life changing but given how much I’ve been sacrificing it all feels very shit. I never thought I would be a single parent and this has made me feel more alone.

I think a thousand pounds a month is amazing. Try not to let his comment get to you.

You are obviously doing well OP, and are cleary a decent earner to be able to pay a mortgage and save 1k a month as a single parent. Just don't share financial details with family again, your brother clearly isn't a supportive person.

@SuperLoudPoppingAction I’m trying but he said things like ‘a new boiler could wipe that out’ etc… I know he’s looking out for me too but it just makes me feel it’s all been quite pointless

Don’t know why your brother is pissing on your chips, but you’re doing fantastically well to provide for your son, get debt free (other than mortgage) and start to save. £1k or over £500 a month will add up quickly.

I think your brother is the problem here not the amount you have saved each month (which is a very, very healthy amount by the way, most people I know would be over the moon to be in a place where they could save that amount each month).

I wish I didn’t have the financial burden on my own

What on earth?!!! £12k would keep your head above water for a few months. DH and I went for years with no more than that in savings. If you can pay your expenses and save £12k in one year and then step it down to £500 a month you will have £24k after 3 years. That’s way more than most people have!

Balls to him! Saving £1k a month is more than most. We save just over that but that’s with 2 incomes so you’re doing better than me on my own. Well done and keep going! Never mention money to him again.

I’ll never forget my uncle belittling my dad because he was building a brick shed himself (he worked in IT so it wasn’t his natural skill set). Uncle couldn’t understand why it was taking so long and why my parents didn’t just pay someone to do it. They couldn’t bloody afford to. This concept was lost on him.

My brother who is usually very supportive turned round and said to me that I had a long way to go before financial security as 1k a month is ‘effectively only 12k a year

So how much has he got, and how much is he saving a year? If he has a partner then halve it. I bet he is nowhere near the same as you.

In 2 years you’ve paid off £17k and saved £12? Single parent, paying for childcare I guess? You are doing brilliantly IMHO.
Now is a good time to do more things with DD. You have a safety net if the boiler goes or you need a car repair.

It sounds like you’re doing great. You left an abusive man and you have a mortgage and your financially solvent after everything you’ve been through. You should be feeling very proud of yourself. You have plenty of time to build up more savings

1k a month is loads, £12k a year, that’s half of lots of people’s salary. Just ignore him, save what you can, if you want to reduce to allow you todo stuff then do it, you and your child have some stability now, you can now have some fun and put your abusive relationship behind you well and truly, making better memories.

Just don’t discuss finances with him ever again

I'd send him my bank details and say "Thanks for your support, I know £12K a year could do with supplementing" and see what he has to say then.

@LittleGreenDragons i am not sure as he doesn’t really talk about money. They don’t have a mortgage though so maybe he feels that’s always going to make me less financially secure. And there’s no way I will be paying that off any time soon

I think you are doing incredibly well. DH and I both work (but I'm only 3.5 days a week) and were managing to put aside about £6/700 a month until August when our mortgage went up by £500, and now we basically live hand to mouth 😣
Your brother was needlessly harsh (and a little out of touch with many people's situation!) IMO.

That's amazing!

We still live in rented accommodation, have managed to only save £2000 in total this year. Our dds are 16 and 12.

Everyone's finances are different and you should be really proud of what you have achieved. To him it may only be £12,000 a year but that's a huge amount of financial security for you to have built on your own and in only a year and im guessing better than the majority of family's in this country.

I’d never mention your finances to him again .

This is all about comparisons- if you compare ‘upwards’, you’ll feel bad. But the truth is, you’re doing much better than most people. Be pleased with what you’ve done, and focus on that.

Choose not to feel deflated by his comment.

You are saving 1kpcm more than the vast majority of people. (I'm lucky if I save a grand a year!) That's an incredibly healthy amount.

Don't decide that his putdown is more valid than your pride in your own achievement. You are in charge of your own opinion on the validity and worth of other people's opinions.

Not sure what planet your brother is on! I think the majority of people cannot afford to save 1k a month! That's loads!

I think I'm doing well if I get my rainy day savings up to £400! And you're saving more than double that in only one month!!

You are doing brilliantly.

Paying off 17k is amazing.

It’s a lot to save but not very financially savvy when you have a mortgage unless you are also overpaying a similar amount?

1k a month is immense (as is paying off all that debt)

And it will really grow once you start to invest - so once you have an emergency fund start to do that, even if you reduce savings to 500 that is still a lot and will grow

There is a women's investment education type organisation called vestpod who do courses on financial literacy and investment, they do burseries so if you were interested I'd think you might get one. It's run by a woman called Emilie

Your bother is possibly just dense, or maybe a bit jealous - you've achieved a lot

I am ‘good with money’ in that I have never been in any debt (apart from ‘necessary ones’ ones like student loan and mortgage etc) and I’m a bit uptight about saving so is not like am spendy sort and I think £1k per month is an incredible amount to save OP, and you deserve a massive pat on the back. Your brother is being unnecessarily dismissive. Yes it could be wiped out by a new boiler but if you continue doing it it won’t be. What a start. Keep going, you’re doing amazing.

£1k is great and your brother is a misery guts, yes a new boiler would wipe it out ( actually mine was only £2k with fitting) but likely you'd be able to stretch payments of something like that over a longer period at a low interest rate and not use your savings.

Are you saving to the detriment of anything else? DD is only young once so if you are missing out on days out or full cupboards I'd save £750 and use the the £250 for fun things for the two of you

I think he's feeling a bit jealous actually.

Don't talk to him about this stuff anymore

(and that would be an extraordinarily expensive boiler)