To feel utterly deflated that it’s ‘only 12k a year’ and to ask when is enough?

[Haddenouggh]

I left a very abusive man when my child was 1. I claimed maintenance and worked myself into the ground to try and recover. My child is now 3 and I’ve paid off 17k worth of debt and since March I’ve been saving 1k a month. I know the golden rule is not to share details about finances but I was proud I had dug myself out of a hole and now have a few thousand saved too. My brother who is usually very supportive turned round and said to me that I had a long way to go before financial security as 1k a month is ‘effectively only 12k a year.’ Well yes I know that but surely it’s a start? I had envisaged slowing down the saving soon to do more stuff with dd, maybe reducing saving to 500 a month. After his comment I just feel totally deflated. I have a mortgage still but most people do my age.

I don’t need anyone to be kind to me and say I’m doing well if I’m not, I genuinely would like perspective on this and whether I am deluded that I was making a good start. I can’t physically save more than 1k so in some ways I guess it’s pointless asking but I feel so bloody fed up and suppose I know deep down that 12k a year isn’t life changing but given how much I’ve been sacrificing it all feels very shit. I never thought I would be a single parent and this has made me feel more alone.

That’s fantastic - I would consider what you’re saving for and set a limit, surplus could go on improving your lives now or paying your mortgage off a little earlier.
I can understand you wanting to share your good news with your brother - his reaction was really crass.

Thats a really substantial sum, ignore him.

I assume it's what you can afford to save (and of course still live decently), and you're not spending 50k a month on champagne and gigolos?

If so and he's normally a supportive brother I would take it as well meaning and slightly clumsy encouragement to keep going rather than putting down your hard work. It may be because you're considering halving your savings for some time. Have you mentioned that? If it's the right decision for you then that's what matters.

I don't know what your brother is up to, but saving 1K a month is excellent and more than most of us could manage. If the boiler broke your savings wouldn't be 'wiped out', they would be 'used' to replace the boiler without incurring any debt. Boilers don't cost 12K anyway... Ignore him.

OP is not just £1k a month you are saving, you’re also paying off your mortgage. You need to see that as a saving too - it’ll come straight back to you when you sell up. Then if you have a pension, that also counts as saving. £1k a month PLUS whatever is going into your mortgage AND a pension is very very VERY good!

The vast majority of people I know would not be able to save that each month.

I’m 50, 2 abusive relationships bit of whom took everything. will likely never be in a position to be able to save £200/month let alone £1000.

Your brother kust live in an entirely different univers to the I know.

£1000/pcm is amazing

That is amazing OP, don't let him piss on your chips.

Saving 1K per month is incredible! Not many people can say they are able to do that. Paying off a 17K debt is also incredible. As is being a solo parent. Most of all, having the courage to leave an abusive relationship is especially incredible. You are doing so well in life and creating a safe, secure and loving environment for your daughter, you are a great role model for her. Hold your head high and be proud of yourself. Of your brother wants to chew a wasp then leave him to it.

Your brother is horrible. Saving £12k a year is amazing and very above average in these tough times!

OP, you're doing absolutely brilliantly. We don't save anything a month, only just manage (two pretty low incomes) and I worry all the time about not being able to save. I'm generally very careful but there just isn't enough to save regularly.

Please give yourself a big pat on the back! Sounds to me like you're absolutely smashing it.

Ignore him, you're doing brilliantly...incredible in fact. hat's off to you!

Congratulations OP. That is an amazing achievement. I am struggling to save £100 / month at the moment.

Just ignore your brother, you should feel really proud of yourself. What a brilliant future to create for you and your child.

And yet another knob bloke !! You ARE doing well x

Hah! Wish I was able to save even close to that. I have a joint household income and we still barely save £500 between us.

You are doing brilliantly and I am jealous!

Thought this was going to be about earning 12k a year. I know many people who work full time and earn that or less over the last decade. If you are saving 12k a year you are doing better than well.

That is a very good amount of money to save as one person. I don't know why your brother has put your efforts down. It was mean of him.

Your brother is an idiot. That is an amazing turnaround you have achieved. And that's a bloody good rate of saving.

Three things:
You managed to leave an abusive relationship with your DD, you’ve kept you both safe.
You have managed to pay off 17K of debt.
You have managed to save 12K and will continue to add to it.

OP you should be very proud of what you’ve achieved.

Your brother should be too. Pay no heed to him, just keep on keeping on.

If you ever need a new boiler it will have to be paid for whether you have savings or not. What an odd thing to say. Pay no attention to him. He sounds like the friend that tries to push cake on you even though your on a diet.

It's not pointless to keep saving. You keep going. I'm impressed you can save 12k a year. That's great.😁

Tell your brother to shut up. I can only manage £500 a month. If you are saving 1K and looking after a child alone you are some kind of magician. I want to know how you do it?
ANY amount is better than no amount.

Anyway a new boiler won't wipe you out, you can get grants and also pay for these things on credit. My last boiler was paid in installments.

You are doing so well to save that each month, but @DragonFly98 makes a useful point. Now that you have a financial cushion for emergencies, it does probably make sense to put some of that into overpaying your mortgage, if allowed. I might consider £500 to savings; £300 to overpayments and a bit more fun money for you and your DC. But congratulations on your achievements to date. Your DB is a prat, but probably kindly meant.

@TeenLifeMum your dad was impressive especially if he did a desk job.

OP you also get interest on savings so it will be more than 12K per year if you are careful. Split your savings into pots so some of it is easy access (low interest) while other parts aren't (higher interest). Also make sure you aren't paying tax on the interest.

Jesus Christ, £1k a month is terrible is it. Glad he's not my brother, he'd be horrified, I've got £0 savings and am not likely to have any for a long while. Ignore him, you're doing great compared to many people

You are doing really well. I wish that I could save £1000 a month. Your brother needs to wind his neck in.
Well done on being rid of the debt too.