To feel utterly deflated that it’s ‘only 12k a year’ and to ask when is enough?

[Haddenouggh]

I left a very abusive man when my child was 1. I claimed maintenance and worked myself into the ground to try and recover. My child is now 3 and I’ve paid off 17k worth of debt and since March I’ve been saving 1k a month. I know the golden rule is not to share details about finances but I was proud I had dug myself out of a hole and now have a few thousand saved too. My brother who is usually very supportive turned round and said to me that I had a long way to go before financial security as 1k a month is ‘effectively only 12k a year.’ Well yes I know that but surely it’s a start? I had envisaged slowing down the saving soon to do more stuff with dd, maybe reducing saving to 500 a month. After his comment I just feel totally deflated. I have a mortgage still but most people do my age.

I don’t need anyone to be kind to me and say I’m doing well if I’m not, I genuinely would like perspective on this and whether I am deluded that I was making a good start. I can’t physically save more than 1k so in some ways I guess it’s pointless asking but I feel so bloody fed up and suppose I know deep down that 12k a year isn’t life changing but given how much I’ve been sacrificing it all feels very shit. I never thought I would be a single parent and this has made me feel more alone.

I think you’re doing brilliantly; you’ve removed yourself and your child from a dangerous situation, have rebuilt your life and you’re saving money. You’re an inspiration to us all. Ignore your idiotic brother; £1k is loads.

I don't think most people are saving £1k a month.

It’s 12k more than me!

You are doing brilliantly. One third of adults have total savings less than £1000 or none at all.
https://www.money.co.uk/savings-accounts/savings-statistics

Tell him he's welcome to top it up if he's concerned it isn't enough....or tell him to fuck off somewhere and count his money quietly. I think you are doing brilliantly.

Sounds like jealousy to me.

If I had £1000 spare to save every month I’d think I’d won the lottery.

You know the reason why we choose men who abuse us? The training from our parents/family.

@Haddenouggh ignore your brother
put some distance between you and him and only associate yourself with those who support and lift you.

I think you have done amazingly well. 12k is great achievement and is a lovely pot should anything go wrong in the house, or you need to get a new job etc. You are being very smart about it and should be applauded for that.

OP you’re doing fantastically well. Don’t let your brother’s thoughtless comments get you down.

There were times when my two were small, childcare bills were huge and we only had £2k-£3k in savings because we just had nothing to spare to top them up. I lived in fear of some catastrophe happening and wiping us out. We got through it, things are better now.

You are doing amazingly well to save that amount.
You can look at investing in another property once you have a sizable deposit and a buffer for if the boiler bursts.

I think £1k a month is an amazing amount. I earn a good wage but with debt repayments and other expenses I’m lucky if I save £50 a month. Good for you, enjoy it!

I'm a single mum and I can't save anything, you're doing an amazing job OP! 😁

It depends on the relative interest rates.

We save three times as much as we overpay on our mortgage per month (tbh, we should just save the whole thing, it's just a historical direct debit overpayment) because the interest rate on our savings is currently higher than on our mortgage.

We're planning to clear our mortgage with the savings (plus accrued interest) when our term comes to an end in eight years.

For you to be a single parent, have a mortgage and save 1k a month is amazing OP. Don't be deflated, maybe he is only looking out for you and being practical?

Thank you for the comment about the mtg. I’ve never thought of it like that and as people who are basically starting again, but have continued paying out mtg every step, I now feel a whole lot better about our situ!!

OP, your brother is a dick. You’re doing an amazing job! And if he spent £12k on a boiler then he’s more money than sense!

He is being spiteful. £12k/yr is fantastic.

What I would take away from his comment is looking at what are you saving for now the debt is paid off? Key things I’d think of are an emergency savings fund (for the boiler scenario), holiday/fun stuff fund, child saving fund, and your retirement.

I think you could take that £1k/mo and put aside (only suggesting)
£100/mo holiday fund
£100/mo ISA for your DC- you can use to pay for activities and tutors as she grows up and then have a bit towards Uni costs when she reaches 18.
£300/mo to start building an emergency savings pot
£500/mo in a SIPP or other pension for your retirement

This is just a rough example. You’ve cleared the debt and can now think of savings goals. Even a small monthly amount adds up and it grows! Take time to find best interest rates and ways to make your savings grow.

So you've paid off 17k AND saved 12k this year? Thats 5k more than I earn. How can having paid all that off and saved all that in any way be considered shabby? Your brother clearly has no real idea/grip on reality. Ignore him!

He's a prick, just wants to feel superior to you. Ignore him and never share financial stuff with your family.

1k a month is great! And it's going to grow. And the point of having it is that when the boiler does go you can pay for it without going 'oh fuck!'. It'll hurt to spend it but it's what the money is for. Also a boiler won't wipe out 12k. It'll dent it a bit and then you'll replenish it.

He's being a bit of a dick TBH. I like to think of savings in the reality of how money could be spent in a pinch.
£1000, that's... your housing costs or near enough for a month/ all your essential bills and a tight months shopping.
£5k. A few months comfortable living expenses.
£12k, well that's a new car/ 2 really nice holidays for you and DD or you'd get 3 months of breathing space if your income dried up completely.

I think youre doing really well. Congratulations on turning your finances around.

£1000 is amazing, but you could potentially be saving quite a bit more by being tax efficient and putting it in a pension where the government will give you 20% more and you will be saving on tax. Look into that also - I am currently saving into there (after building an emergency fund) and it’s satisfying knowing I’ll be able to pay off my mortgage at 57. Also means your money benefits from compound interest.

That's an extraordinarily high amount of money to be able to save every month. Most people can only dream of earning that kind of money. He's being odd.

A new boiler is about £2k, no way would it wipe your savings out. Don't be discouraged - you are doing really well.

We've lived hand to mouth for ages, so saving £1k per MONTH... 🤯.

I was smug last month, because I didn't have to borrow money eom as still had some overdraft left 😅 Go out and buy yourself something nice, then carry on the good work!!