To feel utterly deflated that it’s ‘only 12k a year’ and to ask when is enough?

[Haddenouggh]

I left a very abusive man when my child was 1. I claimed maintenance and worked myself into the ground to try and recover. My child is now 3 and I’ve paid off 17k worth of debt and since March I’ve been saving 1k a month. I know the golden rule is not to share details about finances but I was proud I had dug myself out of a hole and now have a few thousand saved too. My brother who is usually very supportive turned round and said to me that I had a long way to go before financial security as 1k a month is ‘effectively only 12k a year.’ Well yes I know that but surely it’s a start? I had envisaged slowing down the saving soon to do more stuff with dd, maybe reducing saving to 500 a month. After his comment I just feel totally deflated. I have a mortgage still but most people do my age.

I don’t need anyone to be kind to me and say I’m doing well if I’m not, I genuinely would like perspective on this and whether I am deluded that I was making a good start. I can’t physically save more than 1k so in some ways I guess it’s pointless asking but I feel so bloody fed up and suppose I know deep down that 12k a year isn’t life changing but given how much I’ve been sacrificing it all feels very shit. I never thought I would be a single parent and this has made me feel more alone.

@Haddenouggh You’ve done an amazing job pulling yourself out of such a difficult situation. Saving £1k a month while managing a mortgage and being a single parent is no small feat. It’s a reflection of how hard you’ve worked. Your brother’s comment may have been well-meaning but misplaced, as it doesn’t account for the enormous progress you’ve made in just two years. Financial security isn’t just about a specific number; it’s about having the discipline to save consistently, which you’re clearly demonstrating.

That said, you’re right to consider slowing down savings slightly to enjoy life with your child. It’s ok to splurge every now and then. Balance is key, and you’ve already proven you’re capable of managing finances responsibly. Going forward, maybe think about how to grow your savings strategically (like investments or pensions etc.) so your hard work continues to pay off. Also, keeping financial details private might avoid unnecessary comments like this in the future. You’re doing brilliantly. Don’t let anyone make you doubt that or put you down.

What are you saving and sacrificing for, exactly?

Life is short. Don't sacrifice too much. Please enjoy yourself from time to time.

Wow! So impressed. You have done so brilliantly, pat yourself on the back. Do not talk finances to your *&^%$ of a brother. If your boiler/roof/fence/washer etc does go then it can go on your mortgage. Most everyone considers it normal to have a mortgage to retirement these days.

Please don’t invest unless in an S&S isa unless you can tie that up for 15/20 years! A cash isa is much safer …. Also I wouldn’t consider an investment isa unless you have considerable cash savings I’d 20k min.

You are doing awesome btw that is a fantastic figure to save!

Thats a fantastic level of savings, your brother is being a dick. You've built up a really good buffer, you'll be able to replace your boiler and central heating system if you need/want to. £12k is a brilliant nest egg. Is your brother envious that you have these savings, or a bit put out that he can't condescend to you anymore for being in debt?

I think it's a good idea to review your finances - to overpay your mortgage, cut your hours at work to say 9 days over 10, increase pension payments or use more money for discreationary spending - holidays, clothes, hobbies for you and your DC.

Of course it's a good start! Congratulations!

I mean it's better to be wiped out by buying a new boiler and having to start saving again, because the alternative is having nothing and paying for it on finance, possibly accruing interest.

I think your brother is either extremely wealthy, or doesn't have a clue about the finances of the average person.

You have exactly 12k a year more than me.

Well done!!

I think you are doing amazing! Having children is hard, being a single parent is hard. And you’ve escaped an abuser and turned your finances around. Well done for having commitment to save. A general rule of thumb is to try to have 3-6 months essential spending (ie what you’d need to live off if you had no income) in savings. Beyond that I think it’s great to build a nest egg, but I think doing as you say reducing so you can do nice things now is a good idea. 💐

I make 16k a year (TA), don't own and save £50 a month. I can only dream of being where you are, you're doing amazing!

You're doing great, your brother is either being a dick head or has ridiculously high standards.

Hi I just wanted to say I hear you, you have made a phenomenal effort. I'm in a weird situation when saving is not really an option but I am heartened that that you were able to recover like this. Your brother was insensitive at best and down right heartless at worst.

I'm applauding your efforts and just wanted to encourage you as you go forward. Maybe refrain from talking financials with him in future. You don't need his approval. I think you know that inside, but sometimes we all need to lean on someone. In doing so we learn over time who's reliable in that role. You don't need for anyone to knock your confidence now.

I've loved reading your story and a little bit of your healing journey. There will be many more good chapters along the road. I'm glad you've moved forward so well. Give your self a pat on the back because that's the one that counts. Take it at your pace and try to enjoy life. I wish you and your DD well going forward. You go mighty girl.😍

What does he expect you to do? Not bother saving end up worse off? Strange thing for him to say. Most people don’t manage to save anything per month.

1k a month on single income is amazing!! Especially with a young child where you’re likely off work more.

Could your brother be struggling and jealous? Or so comfortable he can’t relate?

And for a new boiler one gets boiler insurance.

He’s not been very nice and should see the error in his ways.

Your brother is being a silly fucker. What a dense remark. Ignore him, objectively speaking £500-1000 saved per month is good going. Make sure you're stashing it away in as good a savings account as you can find. Martin Lewis' site regularly shares the best rates x

OP if you were a member of my family I would tell you how proud I was of your courage and resilience in leaving an abusive man and completely turning your life around. Paying off debt and going on to save several thousands is amazing. Be proud of yourself.

I have a sibling who loves me but is very blunt and often doesn’t think before speaking. So, I would take your DB comments and view them through the lens of them being overly an overly cautious person.

I would recommend signing up to Money Saving Expert newsletter and reading the savings and investments section. You have a 20k allowance each financial year (5 April - 4 April following year) where you can enjoy tax free returns on your savings.

Personally, I have short term easy access savings for emergency things. I use a cash ISA for medium term term savings, such as saving to replace an old boiler. Then I have a stocks and shares ISA for long term, in my case 20 years, investing. £150 a month put away over 20 years in a good S&S ISA can deliver significant returns thanks to compound interest.

Having said that, living in the present is important. I would free up £350 per month for fun money, after being so strict with yourself this will feel a lot!
Then I would save £500 and invest £150 for your future.

OP, you keep saving. Financial independence is a sweet feeling. Think about seeing a financial advisor who can give you a life plan for retirement, paying off the house, etc. If you get started early, you will set you and your child up for life. You may be able to retire early.

Says she who retired in her 50s and was debt free with a paid off house in her late 40s.

And, your brother is either misinformed or maybe jealous. Keep your financial info to yourself.

Saving 1k a month is massive. Ignore your brother.

I think any lone parent who’s able to do that is winning. You are doing great OP keep going!

@Haddenouggh you should be really proud of yourself. I suspect your brother is awful with money.

Just remember £12k a year for 10 years is £120k plus interest.

As you are paying a mortgage as well I think you can afford to review how much you save, as life is for living too. Cutting back to £500 a month is still £6k a year. Plus £6k to spend on holidays and treats making memories for you and your DC.

Also remember once your mortgage is paid off you then release more money that you can save/spend.

You clearly have a very high income if you can save that much a month on top that of paying a mortgage and childcare out of a single income. So maybe your (mortgage free) brother is thinking you should be able to save more and forgetting that your expenses are higher than his. If he's generally supportive then ignore it and don't talk finances with him again.

Talk to an IFA about the best way to save and how much you should lock away. Everyone has different priorities and what is important to some people will be less important to you and vice versa.

In most cases but particularly if you're a high income household then saving into a pension is better than a S&S ISA for long term savings because you don't pay income tax on anything that goes into your pension which gives you (assuming your have a marginal tax rate of 40%) an 67 % increase straight away e.g. if you can afford to save £1000 out of your taxed income you can save £1667 out of your pretax income and it has the same impact on your bottom line.

At the moment you're probably still thinking about building up a cash buffer in which case put it into the highest interest savings account you can find until you've got a few months expenditure saved. Then reduce the amount you save there and let it tick over taking from it when you need but topping up smaller amounts regularly so it doesn't disappear entirely and start to increase your pension savings. S&S ISAs are good for midterm savings (min 5 years) since they are more accessible than a pension so how you split mid to long term savings between pension and S&S ISA will depend on your needs. All of those are more important than overpaying your mortgage, mortgages have low interest rates so will happily tick over with regular payments. But like Isaid, talk through your specific situation with an IFA.

Well now you know not to discuss anything financial with your brother.

Better to surround yourself with positive people.

You're doing very well. Keep going.

Your brother is envious of you. He is probably £1k a month or more in debt (along with partner). People who have less than you are often like this. Jealous as hell. But he'd never tell you what his real circumstances are.

Good on you. It's a great achievement to do what you are doing. Enjoy the feeling and never discuss finances with anyone ever again. x

Im saving exactly £0 right now so you are £12000 ahead of me

1. Your brother can fuck off
2. You are a shero
3. I just got a new boiler for £3k, but had to 0% finance it because I am not in the ace position you've worked to get yourself in, yet
4. Look at Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps. They will sort out your financial life. You're already a few steps in!