To feel utterly deflated that it’s ‘only 12k a year’ and to ask when is enough?

[Haddenouggh]

I left a very abusive man when my child was 1. I claimed maintenance and worked myself into the ground to try and recover. My child is now 3 and I’ve paid off 17k worth of debt and since March I’ve been saving 1k a month. I know the golden rule is not to share details about finances but I was proud I had dug myself out of a hole and now have a few thousand saved too. My brother who is usually very supportive turned round and said to me that I had a long way to go before financial security as 1k a month is ‘effectively only 12k a year.’ Well yes I know that but surely it’s a start? I had envisaged slowing down the saving soon to do more stuff with dd, maybe reducing saving to 500 a month. After his comment I just feel totally deflated. I have a mortgage still but most people do my age.

I don’t need anyone to be kind to me and say I’m doing well if I’m not, I genuinely would like perspective on this and whether I am deluded that I was making a good start. I can’t physically save more than 1k so in some ways I guess it’s pointless asking but I feel so bloody fed up and suppose I know deep down that 12k a year isn’t life changing but given how much I’ve been sacrificing it all feels very shit. I never thought I would be a single parent and this has made me feel more alone.

What a dick, unless you were saying you were planning to spend it on a big holiday or something then he's just being a negative twat

If you live in a house you own, are successfully paying the mortgage, meeting all your bills AND managing to find 1k surplus a month you are in an incredibly stable position compared to a huge % of families and have done amazingly to get there on your own.
Does he realise how many people are in rented accommodation living paycheck to paycheck?

I think by most standards saving that much a year is fucking amazing. Genuinely. Even more amazing that you have cleared that massive debt .

Granted it was ten years ago but my boiler was less than a grand.

Do you mean he has no mortgage because he rents? I wouldn’t be surprised if his rent is more than your mortgage, and he clearly has little idea of the general cost of things as you’d have to live in a mansion for a new boiler to “wipe out” £12k. I would bet he’s jealous and/or projecting.

Not sure what your AIBU is but YANBU to feel like his comments are rubbish and YABU to believe him in thinking £1k a month isn’t amazing

Stop oversharing. It’s none of his business. 1k a month is amazing

I'm getting a new boiler fitted next week in london, it's a which best buy boiler and the whole thing with fittings and installation is costing me £2300, so he's completely wrong about that for one thing.

1k a month is a huge amount and you should be massively proud of yourself. If you invest that rather than just saving it then the pot will grow a lot more - with that much investment per month you could earn a significant amount. I would keep 5k as a solid nest egg you can access any time for emergencies, use the additional 2k as a lump sum mortgage overpayment for this year, then start investing 500 a month in a stocks and shares ISA and overpaying the mortgage by 250 a month, giving yourself an additional 250 to spend.

I'm not sure what domestic boilers he is looking at that cost £12k!! And I think he is missing the point - yes an unexpected expense will make a dent in your savings. That's exactly what they are there for - to be used when needed! Then you carry on building them back up until the next big thing you need to pay out for.

I think they reckon 3-6 months of your normal expenses to have in rainy day savings is a sensible amount to aim for.

I would maybe have a think about how much you want to prioritise saving before you maybe relax a bit and maybe put a bit less away. Enough long term savings to live and for X months if you lost your job or had an accident that meant you couldn't work would be a very comforting cushion to have as a single parent.
And of course budget for one off and occasional expenses like vehicle or house repairs, but overall it sounds like you are doing fabulously and just need to never discuss money with him ever again!

£1k a month is amazing. If I could save that I'd be thrilled. I try but usually end up dipping into it before pay day. You're doing fantastically well. Ignore your brother.

Ignore your brother.
you’re doing brilliantly.

He's not that financially savvy if he thinks boilers cost £12000.

He's not supportive either. Well done op, don't tell him any more of your business,

I think your brother has a touch of the green eyed monster. So what if your boiler breaks or your roof needs fixing. You have money set aside to fix it. You won't have to borrow and get yourself into more debt.

Saving £1k a month is amazing

Don't listen to him

I'd be pleased if I'd managed 1k in 12 months 🤣🙈

I haven't managed to save a penny since draining our savings in August! Your brother is a dick

Your brother is being a dick and you’re doing REALLY well

Watch I think you are doing extremely well and he sounds jealous of your achievements.

"If 'only £12k' is so paltry, it would be a lovely gesture for you to match my savings into an ISA for DS, thanks DB!!"

You're doing really well. It's a great thing to have paid off that debt and saved that much in ~2 years, don't let him belittle your achievements.

No idea what your expenses are, but what's generally advised is to have savings equivalent to 3-6 months of outgoings in order to have a decent buffer against the unexpected.

Once you've achieved that, ideally follow at least a 50:30:20 ratio (needs: wants: savings) in distributing your monthly income.

Obviously that depends on your income & expenses as to whether it's achievable, but that's a general guideline often quoted on financial advice sites.

If you haven't used an ISA yet, saving tax free is obviously an advantage, and then when you have a large enough buffer, put some of that into stocks and shares for a better return on your money, but keeping enough cash in case of emergencies.

Overpaying your mortgage can save significant amounts over time as well.

Best of luck with it!

Don't take any notice of your silly brother and keep your financial information to yourself from now on.

you have done amazing, generally if you have a very secure job ( ie public sector where redundany is highly unlikely you should have 3 months living expenses a regular job 6 months living expenses and a volatile job like acting or being self employed 12 months of living expenses most people calculate on bare essentials like no fun money if you lost your job you would not need childcare etc
12K is not enough to set you up for life obviously but it's an incredible start, please also make sure you are maxing out your pension contributions
I think you could start saving some of the 1K a month for fun like a holiday or a better car and keep adding 500+ but I would also say if you get a payrise from promotion ie above inflation try to save the increase and not fritter it on lifestyle creep
saving well can mean the option at 60+ to go part time or retire early etc a long way ahead i know but saving is always a good thing and just keep going,
By having savings you can save more as house and car insurance is nearly always cheaper if you pay it in one go rather than instalments, if you can save to buy the next car for cash without finance you save more still.
if your boiler breaks and you can pay for it without finance it costs less overall and you build your savings up again; much cheaper than having to borrow to pay for boiler.
I would not overpay mortgage or start saving for your child until your emergency fund is fully funded you have a good pension plan etc

Eh? A grand a month savings is mint.

Tell him he's welcome to add to your coffers if he wants and if he isn't, he can please shut his yap.

You’re doing better than me 😊 if you’ve achieved this in only 2 years then I’m sure when your child is older in school you will surpass yourself. For now, absolutely enjoy this time your child and make memories. You deserve it and should be so proud of yourself ❤️

A good quality new boiler would probably be 2 or 3 grand. You could buy a decent car for £12k. It's not much more to have the kitchen redone.

Ignore him .
I think you're doing amazing! Well done you!
That's an incredible amount to save per month as a single parent!!!

Why is he trying to undermine you? You're doing brilliantly! I feel pleased with myself if I manage to save £100 a month. Take absolutely no notice whatsoever. I'm a single mum too and some people men usually have no idea how bloody hard it is. Tell him that financial discussions are off the table.

Most people can't afford to save anything at all. You are doing EXTREMELY well 😊