To feel utterly deflated that it’s ‘only 12k a year’ and to ask when is enough?

[Haddenouggh]

I left a very abusive man when my child was 1. I claimed maintenance and worked myself into the ground to try and recover. My child is now 3 and I’ve paid off 17k worth of debt and since March I’ve been saving 1k a month. I know the golden rule is not to share details about finances but I was proud I had dug myself out of a hole and now have a few thousand saved too. My brother who is usually very supportive turned round and said to me that I had a long way to go before financial security as 1k a month is ‘effectively only 12k a year.’ Well yes I know that but surely it’s a start? I had envisaged slowing down the saving soon to do more stuff with dd, maybe reducing saving to 500 a month. After his comment I just feel totally deflated. I have a mortgage still but most people do my age.

I don’t need anyone to be kind to me and say I’m doing well if I’m not, I genuinely would like perspective on this and whether I am deluded that I was making a good start. I can’t physically save more than 1k so in some ways I guess it’s pointless asking but I feel so bloody fed up and suppose I know deep down that 12k a year isn’t life changing but given how much I’ve been sacrificing it all feels very shit. I never thought I would be a single parent and this has made me feel more alone.

So he doesn't have a mortgage, most people do.

Just keep saving and btw a boiler isn't 12k. He's an idiot.

OP, you are doing well, objectively so!

The mean average amount of money held in a UK savings account is £17,365.
Up to a third (34%) of adults had either no savings (or less than £1,000) in a savings account.
Around six in 10 (61%) UK adults save money either every or most months.

I save £300 a month! And i thought I was doing well (I am doing well). But you are doing brilliantly!

(I only put £75 a month into a stocks and shares ISA......the rest goes into a cushioning fund. Thinking I might have to change those ratios!)

Although I wouldn't spend a lot of that £1000 per month. I would make sure that I had nice things as well. Otherwise it's just work work work and saving.

Paying off your debt alone is absolutely amazing let alone saving £12k. Please at least treat yourself to something, doesn’t have to be big, to congratulate yourself

does your brother have a mortgage, savings at that amount? I doubt it. If he comes asking for a loan tell him no!

well done you!!

Your brother is being ridiculous. Most couples with a young child and a mortgage don’t save that much. You are in the most expensive period of your life.
If he thinks it’s so little he must be earning a fortune; I’m assuming he would help you out if you needed a new boiler.

You do need to save for your pension too, and as tax rules stand today, there are tax advantages in doing so. Stocks and shares ISA might be a good plan, but you have to be comfortable with knowing that some months/years the market dips on sentiment, so a cheap tracker and a low-fee big fund is probably more resilient (and much easier to manage) than chasing the highest short term results. S&P500 or a global health fund have been okay and fairly stable. You want both dividends and potential for capital to grow for the next 20 years.

He’s a gobshite.

Hi OP look at it this way: in 8 years you’ll have nearly £100,000 and that’s definitely worth having.

I’m calling jealousy too.

Honestly you sound like you are doing fantastically and I’m fussy / a high saver.

£12k pa will compound quickly.

@Haddenouggh
use pension contributions to manage your tax exposure and please ensure you are investing all money in your name even if you ultimately intend to use it for your DD.
with compounding you’ll find it grows quickly.
id get it in a vanguard or AJBell in an S&S isa.

the easy /good choice for a novice is something like vanguard life strategy 80 or 60
and a bit of your savings in something like S&P500

Brilliant OP, that’s great, don’t let him tell you otherwise!

I voted YABU just because you must know £1k a month to be put into savings is massive.

The fact that you also got maintenance as a single parent & have a brother who can dismiss £12k a year as nothing puts you above 99% of the population

Sorry about your abusive relationship but your financial situation is out the realms of most people

Comparing my situation to yours, not to "guilt" you but merely and only to try and change your perspective so you can feel positive and proud again. You can't compare yourself with others generally as you rarely have similar incomings and outgoings so best just to focus on yourself. Like you I'm a single parent so it's all on me, my ex has now stopped paying maintenance so it really is ALL on me, he also hasn't seen them in 8 months (see my username....!)

I currently have £3.42 in my account and £16.19 in cash. I've had to use a food bank in the past fortnight and I've had support from charities that means my children will have a fabulous Christmas along with what I've managed to put away over the past 12 months. I don't have a hope in hell of saving a 10th of what you have in the next calendar year. The following one though that 10% should be manageable.

If my boiler broke, I don't have savings to be wiped out, I'm fucked (well I'm not because I'm in social housing but hopefully you get my point and also highlights my earlier point about not comparing!) Any amount of savings is a safety net and you've already got £12k which is incredible, and you've done that yourself by your own hard work. This figure should also hopefully continue to grow, whether by the same amount, more or less each year.

Be proud of yourself @Haddenouggh , I'm certainly proud of you!

I save about 150 a month. Two parent household. You're doing fucking great! Ignore your brother.

Tell him to f*k off.

It shows how NOT pointless it is. You can now pay for a new boiler without borrowing. Really excellent 👌

I am not exactly on the breadline but I do think £ 1,000 /month is an amazing amount to save, particularly as you are a single mum. You should absolutely feel proud and consider this an achievement. Don't think about it as £12K/year. Think long-term.

£1K a month is fantastic, it's definitely more than I was achieving when my children were little.

This is lovely, generous and kind.

I'll second that OP.

I can't save £12k a year and I live in a 2 person household. You're doing brilliantly!

I had a new boiler this year. Two bedroom house. It was £3K including labour. Your brother’s being a twat. You’ve done fantastically well.

Deflated? Come on. You know saving a grand a month is brilliant. I can't save £10 a month and live in fear.

i would be so so happy if only I could save £1K a month. Excellent work to have paid of a debt of £17K too. There will always be someone richer and someone poorer. Comparison is the thief of joy. I hope you will be able to push his remark aside and continue to save.

Once all debt except mortgage is paid off you should aim to have 3 to 6 months of expenses in your emergency fund. So if you lost your job tomorrow you should have enough to survive 6 months without using credit. I think you're doing great OP.