To feel utterly deflated that it’s ‘only 12k a year’ and to ask when is enough?

[Haddenouggh]

I left a very abusive man when my child was 1. I claimed maintenance and worked myself into the ground to try and recover. My child is now 3 and I’ve paid off 17k worth of debt and since March I’ve been saving 1k a month. I know the golden rule is not to share details about finances but I was proud I had dug myself out of a hole and now have a few thousand saved too. My brother who is usually very supportive turned round and said to me that I had a long way to go before financial security as 1k a month is ‘effectively only 12k a year.’ Well yes I know that but surely it’s a start? I had envisaged slowing down the saving soon to do more stuff with dd, maybe reducing saving to 500 a month. After his comment I just feel totally deflated. I have a mortgage still but most people do my age.

I don’t need anyone to be kind to me and say I’m doing well if I’m not, I genuinely would like perspective on this and whether I am deluded that I was making a good start. I can’t physically save more than 1k so in some ways I guess it’s pointless asking but I feel so bloody fed up and suppose I know deep down that 12k a year isn’t life changing but given how much I’ve been sacrificing it all feels very shit. I never thought I would be a single parent and this has made me feel more alone.

Put it is a stocks and shares ISA and it will increase in value fairly quickly.

Your brother is being an idiot you are doing very well to pay your mortgage and still save £1000 a month. Well done you! And as your grow in your career you might be able to save a lot more! Keep going, onwards and upwards!

Your brother is an idiot. You’ve done brilliantly and are doing waaay better than me. You should be proud of yourself!!!

To put things into context I save maybe 200 - 300 pm and then dip into it through out the year for stuff like car maintenance, holidays, decorating etc and other unexpected expenses . Most of my friends are in a similar situation and this is the norm for most average earners. Your brother is a dick and you are indeed doing better than most and fantastically for a lone parent... Unless of course you are earning the average MN 'six figure salary?

Wow!! I’m really so impressed. Well done - don’t listen to your brother. Just believe in yourself. Keep on going making that good life for yourself and your DD - am in awe ❤️

you have been doing amazingly. There are some finance apps like Your Juno and Female Invest, you might feel reassured looking at them. Might also help to have a supportive community around you to talk about money with.

Both of them suggest having a ‘F*ck it fund/ Emergency fund’, which is up to 6-12 months of your salary. It takes a few years to get there, but is basically whatever your outgoings would be for you to survive if you cant work/want to take time off to do whatever you want. You dont need to break your back to get there, but work out how much it would take to save six months of your salary in three years. At the rate you are going that would be £36k in addition! You probably dont need to save that much.

Our boiler broke a few years ago. Cost £3K. I don’t think your brother knows what he is talking about.

Enjoy life with your daughter x

huh? why not? savings rates are generally higher than mortgage rates,so it's more financially savvy to save rather than overpay. additionally, this keeps money more liquid so if you have some form of emergency, you don't need to turn to credit or similar with very high interest rates.

You are fucking awesome and are doing so well!!! Honestly I’m older than you, I rent and can’t save even half of that (financial life ruined by an abusive relationship in my early 20’s)

hes just pissing on your chips, keep up the good work.

I don’t know anyone saving £1k a month! I save £500 a month. Plus £100 a month into my child’s savings account. I thought I was doing well!

Keep going but make sure you enjoy your life too - I think your £500 a month plan is a good one - you’ll have saved £30k (plus compound interest of a few £k) in 5 years.

Keep doing what your doing Op.
You are doing brilliantly.

Stuff yer brother.

Wow, well done you, I would love to put that much to one side each month!!
I wonder if there's jealousy involved there op on your brothers part.
Keep up the good work

I think this thread might be humble bragging. Most people can't save £1k per month and millions can't afford a mortgage either.

Well done. I'd be paying as much as possible into the mortgage though, as the interest on that is costing you more than the interest you are gaining on your savings ( I Presume, not sure of UK interest rates). Look at a mortgage redraw account. All your savings go in there but you can take out whatever you like whenever ( above your mortgage payments) but whilst the money is in the redraw account it is reducing your mortgage interest payments. Just a thought.

Never tell anyone about your savings.

They’ll go to you if they need a loan.

Just forget about what he said and keep doing what you’re doing.

1st of all boilers don't cost THAT much.
Do you think your brother was discouraging you from reducing the amount you save each month? He might he trying to look out for you by saying save more.
I think you've done very well to save so much, and projected saving of 500 a month is great too! I'm sure you deserve to treat yourself and your DC

That's amazing.

1k a month invested wisely in a stocks and shares ISA will in 20 years turn into something in the region of 400k, even on a 5% annual return. Not a sum your lovely brother can turn his nose up to.

Doing well is an understatement, you’re smashing it! I thought I was doing well saving £350 a month lol

He’s wrong. We had our entire CH system replaced, including radiators, for £8k. His plumber obviously saw him coming.

You’re doing a phenomenal job and you should be proud.

Unless he has form for intentionally trying to get you down, I’d just be honest in your response with the assumption that he had stuck his boot in his mouth unintentionally.

“Hey, when I told you about my progress getting out of debt and saving I was looking for my brother to celebrate it with me a bit since I’ve worked my arse off to get DC and myself to a much better place than last year and I’m proud of the work I’ve put in so far. Telling me that I’m not flush really wasn’t helpful and just made me wish I hadn’t shared.” No accusations of his motives, just a direct explanation of what you were looking for from him in that moment and that his response was not it. See what he says.

I had to do this a fair amount with my father and DB for a while (both for things I’m happy about and when I’m just venting) and they’ve gradually gotten better at not jumping to fix-it or advisory mode. Sometimes they still get it wrong and I’ll interrupt with “ah, I’m looking for a cheering section on this/a bit of commiseration” and they redirect course pretty quickly now.

Obviously if you believe your brother did not mean well then it’s a different scenario.

Thank you so so much! These replies have really spurred me on and made me feel better about things. I don’t know why he said it, he was really blunt and it took me by surprise.

@DinosaurMunch do you just apply for any of them with any bank? Do you have to choose the risk or something?

Yes but if you didn’t have savings then a broken boiler would be a much bigger problem!

He's an idiot. I would remind him that you are paying roughly twice the amount he pays in utility bills. If the conversation occurs again I would ask him what the hell he thought you should do. However I would try not to go there. I wouldn't want to talk about it with him at all. He sounds like a show off and a aknow it all and he isn't very kind.

I think it's actually a lot of money to save each year. The fact you are doing this after paying so much debt off and on your own is bloody amazing. I have so much respect for you. Keep going and don't let other people's blind spots getting your way.

The overwhelming majority of people are unable to save £1k a month. It is most likely that your brother made a snarky remark due to jealousy.