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Original poster

I know his secret but how do I play this?

1000 replies

Waffletots · 08/12/2024 14:53

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

OP posts:
DowntonNabby · 08/12/2024 18:10

sherbertcandy · 08/12/2024 18:06

Sounds to me like you need time away from him to digest today. You are due to have your baby anytime so have a breather before making any big decisions and keep separate until you can think clearly

He's been shagging another woman behind her back for the best part of a year and she's found out two weeks before she's due to give birth. What part of that scenario do you think she needs to spend more time contemplating before leaving him?

Jagoda · 08/12/2024 18:11

Slooodie359 · 08/12/2024 18:09

Your husband isn’t leaving you.

She wants him to leave you, so has sent you that thoughtful little message so that she gets what she wants for Xmas …. Your life.

Personally, I wouldn’t make it easy for her.

From her point of view. She is gutted. She wants to be the woman having the baby, with her man. She is probably more upset than you, which is crazy.

Wait - Don’t engage with her. She is going to expect her plan to work, and for you to go mental and throw him out.
You need time to think calmly and while you are calm - she is going to be super agitated at work and with her friend, & with your DH.

Take your time so you are not emotional, take control. Do not let her control or manipulate you.

Talk to your husband. But give it time for the sting to So that you can do what right for you.
Not what is right for her.

She is clearly someone who “makes things happen” don’t let her control you, or make u do what she wants. Don’t give her the satisfaction.

Who gives a shit about OW?

HikingforScenery · 08/12/2024 18:11

@Waffletots reslly sorry to read this 🌻

Cupofteaandbiscuits · 08/12/2024 18:11

I hope you are ok OP x

DaringLion · 08/12/2024 18:11

H34th · 08/12/2024 17:31

I'm so sorry this is happening, OP. Get all the help and support your family and friends can offer.

(I am also a little bit worried about the OW... She has been very brave in sharing if they still work together. He could do all sorts when he finds out she told.
Of course, not for the OP to worry about. But he's messed with two women's lives, hasn't he.)

Worried about the other woman ,are you having a laugh she knew he was mairred.Shes just pissed off because he hadn’t left his wife

Createausername1970 · 08/12/2024 18:11

Slooodie359 · 08/12/2024 18:09

Your husband isn’t leaving you.

She wants him to leave you, so has sent you that thoughtful little message so that she gets what she wants for Xmas …. Your life.

Personally, I wouldn’t make it easy for her.

From her point of view. She is gutted. She wants to be the woman having the baby, with her man. She is probably more upset than you, which is crazy.

Wait - Don’t engage with her. She is going to expect her plan to work, and for you to go mental and throw him out.
You need time to think calmly and while you are calm - she is going to be super agitated at work and with her friend, & with your DH.

Take your time so you are not emotional, take control. Do not let her control or manipulate you.

Talk to your husband. But give it time for the sting to So that you can do what right for you.
Not what is right for her.

She is clearly someone who “makes things happen” don’t let her control you, or make u do what she wants. Don’t give her the satisfaction.

Read the thread, especially the OPs updates.

OP - I am so sorry this is happening to you. 💐

penelopelondon · 08/12/2024 18:12

CT1234 · 08/12/2024 15:01

The first thing I would do is contact her back "Give me proof" and see what she says

yep, "evidence please", thanks. Once you have all he evidence infront of you in the form of messages, pics etc... then you confront him, otherwise he's going to gaslight you.

DowntonNabby · 08/12/2024 18:12

MoleAndBadger · 08/12/2024 18:10

What??

Show quote history

I've read some batshit advice on MN but that wins the prize. Turn into a power struggle with the OW? FFS.

MoleAndBadger · 08/12/2024 18:12

penelopelondon · 08/12/2024 18:12

yep, "evidence please", thanks. Once you have all he evidence infront of you in the form of messages, pics etc... then you confront him, otherwise he's going to gaslight you.

Show quote history

Maybe try and read the OP posts ....

IkeaJesusWept · 08/12/2024 18:12

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. You’re strong and amazing. You’ve so got this. What a complete prick.

wildthingsinthenight · 08/12/2024 18:13

penelopelondon · 08/12/2024 18:12

yep, "evidence please", thanks. Once you have all he evidence infront of you in the form of messages, pics etc... then you confront him, otherwise he's going to gaslight you.

Show quote history

She got evidence hours ago?

KTSl1964 · 08/12/2024 18:13

So sorry to hear this- bastard xx

mrspresents · 08/12/2024 18:14

Really wish people would like read the Ops updates before commenting.

stayathomegardener · 08/12/2024 18:14

Wishing you strength going forward.

WhiteTippedCandle · 08/12/2024 18:15

OP needs no further advice from all of us, I think.

She now needs to protect herself, and deal with her husband, with her family’s support.

She is soon to give birth, so needs to concentrate on feeling calm and in control.

As much as she can.

My very best wishes to her. There is never a good time to find out, a horrible secret, in the shocking way that she has, today.

And I wish her strength love and endurance for the weeks ahead, and much love and strength after that.

Hurryuphumphreygeorgeiswaiting · 08/12/2024 18:15

So sorry this is happening to you OP. Xx

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 08/12/2024 18:16

Waffletots · 08/12/2024 17:17

Thanks everyone for all of your input, a few minutes after she sent the last message she did indeed send (a lot) of screenshots including messages from an app I don’t recognise, emails, many selfies of them in various places and a few of them they look like they’re lying down in bed looking very pleased with themselves.
I’m heartbroken, I don’t know how he could do this to our family. I’ve been such a fool for toddling along like life was perfect when all this time he’s been sticking his penis is another woman and not thinking about us! I hate him for this, truly. I’ve called my brother and sister in law to stay with me tonight, they will be here before he arrives home, I didn’t tell them much but it was clear I was upset.
I plan to have a bag packed for him and forward him all the messages when I hear him pull up outside. For me, the trust is gone and it’s over for good, I could never go back now after such a betrayal.

Op, you are being very brave. Unfortunately, he will probably take that bag to the other woman's place. You deserve so much more.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 08/12/2024 18:16

Glad you have people to come stay and support you OP.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 08/12/2024 18:16

Oh fuck. Just seen your update and that’s far worse than I was imagining. I’m so sorry, they’re both a pair of shits.
I’m glad you’ve got supportive family around you.
Please make sure your midwife keeps check on you these last days of pregnancy.
I wish you all the strength in the world and won’t write what I wish on your ‘d’h cos I’ll get banned.

Itsallsostressful · 08/12/2024 18:16

OP you are doing amazing. Let others support you at this time especially with baby on the way. Children are resilient and a stable life with you will be what they need...you will be the strong consistent adult they need. Sending love and strength xxx

Jagoda · 08/12/2024 18:16

This bloke has been having a full blown affair for a year. Think about how many lies he has told in that time.

He was fucking his lover and spending time money and energy on her whilst OP and he were planning to increase their family, when they went through the excitement of finding out she was pregnant, during all the planning that goes on during a pregnancy.

Do some posters really think her children will be better off if she stays with a lying bastard like this? I despair.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 08/12/2024 18:17

I am so sorry, that must be such a shock.
What an arsehole of a man.

LilacRaven · 08/12/2024 18:17

This is heartbreaking OP. What kind of father risks giving an STI to their unborn baby! So bloody selfish let alone without all the hurt and suffering he is putting his wife and child through. You are in a very vulnerable situation OP so don't feel bad if you need to play the long game until you can get all your ducks in a row. It's such a difficult one as I'd want to kick him out but you will need support with childcare etc so it's almost like that's the easy way out for him

Runninggirls26 · 08/12/2024 18:17

stripeyshutters · 08/12/2024 15:59

Why are you arsing about on here when you should be getting down to the truth of this?

Was speaking to her like this necessary? She’s just had her life turned upside down and you had to say this?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 08/12/2024 18:17

DowntonNabby · 08/12/2024 18:12

I've read some batshit advice on MN but that wins the prize. Turn into a power struggle with the OW? FFS.

Show quote history

Took the words right out of my mouth.
Luckily op has her head screwed on and the plan to have her family over is the best one.
Stay strong op- confide in your loved and trusted people to have an army of support around you.
Focus on your family and friends and obviously most importantly your beautiful children. It sounds like you have a good support network thank God.
Fuxk this piece of shit- bags packed and out the door!

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