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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gave my friend a birthday gift. She let her child open it.

222 replies

PlaygroundSusie · 07/12/2024 12:07

So, this actually happens every year. I have a good friend of many years, and we exchange small gifts on our birthdays. Nothing lavish or particularly exciting - think fairly generic items for grown-up ladies such as: nice teas, coffee, bath salts, scented candles, etc.

My friend has a daughter, and ever since she (the daughter) was old enough to unwrap gifts, my friend always immediately hands her own birthday gifts over to her daughter to unwrap. Of course, the daughter swoops on them, much like a seagull after a chip, and rips them open with glee!

It was my friend's birthday last week, and this time I managed to see her during the daytime when her daughter was at school. I wished her happy birthday, and handed over my gift. However, rather than open the gift herself, my friend thanked me and said "Do you mind if I wait until [Daughter] comes home from school, so that she can open it? [Daughter] just loves unwrapping presents!"

Reader, I DID mind! I'd bought and wrapped the gift for my friend to open, rather than her daughter! But I couldn't think of a way to say that without sounding precious. Later than evening, my friend texted me, thanking me for the gift (a pair of adult-sized fuzzy socks) and mentioned how much her daughter enjoyed opening it.

I don't know why, but this just rubbed me up the wrong way. I can understand allowing a young toddler to 'help' open a present that's been given to an adult, but my friend's daughter is six! Surely that's old enough to appreciate the concept that she gets to open presents on her birthday, and her mum gets to open presents on her mum's birthday?

(And yes, I know in the grand scheme of things this is ridiculously small, and I have no intention of saying anything to my friend. But I'm just wondering it this is normal, or if IABU?).

OP posts:
NewMe2024 · 07/12/2024 12:08

It’s a little rude but nothing I could be bothered to care about.

TheBeesKnee · 07/12/2024 12:08

It's a bit weird. Maybe her future presents should be a bottle of wine in a gift bag Smile

maslinpan · 07/12/2024 12:10

Present it in ribbon which is knotted very tightly so the 6 year old will eventually get bored..

nutbrownhare15 · 07/12/2024 12:13

I would message her and say how you know that watching her daughter open presents gives her pleasure, well similar for you watching your friend open hers so would It be ok if she opened it in front of you next time.

FionaSkates · 07/12/2024 12:13

She’s a good friend and she has flaws. This is one of them. I would let it go OP.

FestiveStEmilion · 07/12/2024 12:15

It would totally make me roll my eyes but i would view it as iher choice to make. In an otherwise good friendship, let it go. I definitely wouldn’t say anything!

mikado1 · 07/12/2024 12:17

I don't do it but wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

DaringLion · 07/12/2024 12:18

Put to much sellotape on it so little one can’t open it

Hoppinggreen · 07/12/2024 12:19

Get her a cactus

Evaka · 07/12/2024 12:19

Ah, I think it's sweet and she's established it as a tradition. Even it's annoying to you just roll with it. SO not worth getting into with her.

Imanalcoholic · 07/12/2024 12:19

maslinpan · 07/12/2024 12:10

Present it in ribbon which is knotted very tightly so the 6 year old will eventually get bored..

😂

StrikeForever · 07/12/2024 12:20

Very quirky of the part of a friend. Maybe stick to bottles of wine and vibrators for future gifts.

mynameiscalypso · 07/12/2024 12:21

My DS is 5. I always ask him to help open presents. But, in this example, I wouldn't have waited until he got home from school. I always prefer opening presents in front of the giver.

Imanalcoholic · 07/12/2024 12:21

I think it's cute.
I wouldn't get upset or annoyed.
Do you have children of your own OP? Parents can get a bit obsessed with their precious little ones...

DowntonFlabbie · 07/12/2024 12:21

Your friend lets her kid does something she enjoys. She gets a present. Everyone is happy.

Well except you OP, but how it makes the slightest difference to you who opens the gift I can't tell. If you're so bothered, just don't wrap it at all.

FancyAReallyLongUsernameJustForAChange · 07/12/2024 12:28

Very rude to deny the gift giver the pleasure of seeing the reaction to the gift for no good reason. The whims of a spoiled child shouldn't override good manners.

Waterboatlass · 07/12/2024 12:29

I would find it a bit obnoxious but well within the 'good friend, let it go' bracket. That's especially as you've got a mutual unspoken agreement to swap nice but not particularly personal gifts with love, so she knows you won't have put hours of thought in. (Not in a bad way). Bottle of wine next time?

allthatfalafel · 07/12/2024 12:34

FionaSkates · 07/12/2024 12:13

She’s a good friend and she has flaws. This is one of them. I would let it go OP.

I wouldn't see this as a flaw at all. I wouldn't even register it as an issue.

To me a flaw is always being late or cancelling last minute, or forgetting birthdays, or being a bit rude when drunk.

Bubblemonkey · 07/12/2024 12:34

She’s a kid, it’s not that deep.

Overwhelmedowl · 07/12/2024 12:35

How ridiculous. It would annoy me too but no point saying anything. It won’t achieve anything but awkwardness and you say she’s a good friend. I would get wine in a gift bag next time or wrap it really tightly so it’s hard to get into and chuckle inside because I’m petty that way.

Silvertulips · 07/12/2024 12:37

Well it’s is rude!

would tact back and say, oh I’m glad she enjoyed unwrapping your gift, I was disappointed I didn’t get to you open it’

Maybe stop buying gifts.

brunettemic · 07/12/2024 12:40

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I don’t get why you’re so bothered 😂

Franjipanl8r · 07/12/2024 12:45

Your friend might just dislike opening presents in front of people and this is a way to avoid it.

Spinosaurus1 · 07/12/2024 12:49

Buy her a sex toy next year 😂

in all seriousness it wouldn’t bother me

whalesonthebus · 07/12/2024 12:54

Haha this is the sort of petty thing that would annoy me too. I’d probably start using gift bags instead - my Dsis has started using brown paper gift bags and I’d likely go with something like that.