Gave my friend a birthday gift. She let her child open it.

[PlaygroundSusie]

So, this actually happens every year. I have a good friend of many years, and we exchange small gifts on our birthdays. Nothing lavish or particularly exciting - think fairly generic items for grown-up ladies such as: nice teas, coffee, bath salts, scented candles, etc.

My friend has a daughter, and ever since she (the daughter) was old enough to unwrap gifts, my friend always immediately hands her own birthday gifts over to her daughter to unwrap. Of course, the daughter swoops on them, much like a seagull after a chip, and rips them open with glee!

It was my friend's birthday last week, and this time I managed to see her during the daytime when her daughter was at school. I wished her happy birthday, and handed over my gift. However, rather than open the gift herself, my friend thanked me and said "Do you mind if I wait until [Daughter] comes home from school, so that she can open it? [Daughter] just loves unwrapping presents!"

Reader, I DID mind! I'd bought and wrapped the gift for my friend to open, rather than her daughter! But I couldn't think of a way to say that without sounding precious. Later than evening, my friend texted me, thanking me for the gift (a pair of adult-sized fuzzy socks) and mentioned how much her daughter enjoyed opening it.

I don't know why, but this just rubbed me up the wrong way. I can understand allowing a young toddler to 'help' open a present that's been given to an adult, but my friend's daughter is six! Surely that's old enough to appreciate the concept that she gets to open presents on her birthday, and her mum gets to open presents on her mum's birthday?

(And yes, I know in the grand scheme of things this is ridiculously small, and I have no intention of saying anything to my friend. But I'm just wondering it this is normal, or if IABU?).

Little gift bag next year - no unwrapping involved and friend would be churlish to not at least take a peek inside.

I'm on the friends side here, I find it really awkward being given a gift and expected to react appropriately in front of the giver, especially with the uncomfortable suspense of wrapping paper. "Ooh, thanks...ah sellotapes always tricky isn't it...two layers nice...could you pass me those scissors...aww socks...how lovely". Whereas if my daughter's around she provides the appropriate level of joy and excitement that the giver seems to expect so I'd always pass it to her and use her as an excuse if she isn't there and save it for later. Also kids grow so fast, my 10 year old would roll her eyes and walk out the room if I suggested she open my present so you won't have this problem for many more birthdays.

Yeah that's bizarre.

Babies, toddlers...totally normal and standard to let them help you open it imo (if they happen to be there). Six is a bit much though.

It's a bit like the kids who want to blow out others' candles, especially when the other person is a small child. Drives me nuts. IT'S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY!

Put it in a gift bag

I don’t understand why on earth it matters to you who tears some wrapping paper off. Your friend is still there at the opening of her present, and it’s not as if she’s given the present to her daughter to keep.

However, I can see that it is rude if your friend or her daughter don’t open it while you are there, as part of the pleasure of giving a gift is seeing it being opened.

Once I’ve handed over a gift I don’t really care about it any more so this wouldn’t bother me.
But it obviously bothers you. Next year maybe a gift card in with her birthday card. Or previous suggestions of wine or cactus ( so cruel 😁) in a gift bag.

Don’t do this! Definitely go for the sex toy, lots of tape or tight string. But do not message her and compare her joy of watching her daughter open a gift to your joy of watching her.

I hate opening gifts in situations like that so maybe your friend feels the same and letting the kid open it takes the awkwardness out of it?

@PlaygroundSusie Not sure this would have really bothered me in this circumstance but I'd hope your friend is explaining that this is not acceptable with other people's birthday presents. Otherwise I wouldn't expect this child to get many party invitations.

I thought you were going to say she gives her daughter the gift, which would be rude!

Even though her daughter isn't a toddler, she obviously likes letting her enjoy opening it. Tbh I think you'd be a bit of a Scrooge to deny her that. You could use a gift bag maybe if it bothers you that much?

A pair of diamond shoes or a winning lottery ticket...yes. Fluffy socks...no.

It's a bit weird but it's more weird how it bothers you.

I can understand why you feel the way you do OP. Yes, of course it seems petty and pointless to be miffed at a child opening a present you'd given your friend.

Equally, it shows your friend is oblivious to:

• The effect on you - that a token of your friendship matters less to her than making sure her DD gets a bit of fun (that actually excludes you).

• The effect on DD - that her wishes will always be met in all situations, whether she's the priority (eg the birthday girl) or not.

You won't get much sympathy for that view though, so I'd just grit my teeth and make sure I didn't put much effort into the wrapping in future - one layer of white tissue paper perhaps!

In an 8 year old + this would be fairly irritating, but 6 year olds, to be expected. As long as the child doesn’t insist on opening other children/ adult gifts, who cares. As an adult, I could give two shits about opening some fuzzy socks, so there is that to consider too… The sex toy is a genius idea and I’m sure would put a stop to it all.

I couldn’t get excited about it either way. It seems pretty harmless. I thought you were going to say she let her daughter keep the present!

😂

I still remember a few years ago buying SiL some expensive chocolates I knew she liked for Christmas. She let her daughter (then about 4 years old) unwrap them and then niece started tucking into them and SiL just laughed. I've never bought her those chocolates again.
YANBU OP!

Bit odd but not something I’d really care about either way.

Its rude, thoughtless and frankly, very odd.

You want to see your friend opening it when you're there so she can thank you at the time.

She's not being a good parent because where does this stop?
When will her child appreciate that grown ups open their own presents?

Next year, I'd say to her 'Well, it would be nice if you could open it now because it is YOURS.'

I'd be really annoyed.

It does seem a little unusual (and, I would have thought, confusing for her DD, surely there's a risk she'll either think it's for her or decide she wants it herself!), but as you say OP, a minor issue.

On a separate note I'm a bit surprised some people aren't comfortable opening gifts in front of the giver, I can't say this has ever crossed my mind. Is it in case it turns out to be something you don't like and then you have to worry about your facial expression?

I'd be annoyed too! I think it's downright rude to be honest! It's your friends birthday, not her childs! I'd be inclined to invite myself to her kids next birthday party, walk straight in and rip into the presents, with a glass of wine in hand!!! See how that works out! 🤣
Or buy something that explodes into fluorescent dye when it's opened... Yes, I'm evil! 😁

It’s weird.

Surprised about the responses. She is raising a child who will want to be centre stage and can't deal with not being the main act. She is raising an Apple Martin. A child who will throw tantrum when she doesn't get the gift in pass the parcel.

It's good for children to see mummy is her own person who also deserves a gift in her own right. This behaviour is not respectful of normal boundaries. She's also not considering you as a gift giver as her focus is all on dd. Is the dd an only child?

Well put @LondonPlace 👏🏻